Act 5 — THE OLD WIVES TALE
Reading edition
BY GEORGE PEELE
[DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Sacrapant.
First Brother, named Calypha.
Second Brother, named Thelea.
Eumenides.
Erestus.
Lampriscus.
Huanebango.
Corebus.
Wiggen.
Churchwarden.
Sexton.
Ghost of Jack.
Friar, Harvest-men, Furies, Fiddlers, &c.
Delia, sister to Calypha and Thelea.
Venelia, betrothed to Erestus.
Zantippa, } daughters to Lampriscus.
Celanta,
Hostess.
Antic.
Frolic.
Fantastic.
Clunch, a smith.
Madge, his wife.]
Enter Antic, Frolic, and Fantastic.
Ant. How now, fellow Frolic![104] What, all amort?[105] Doth this sadness become thy madness? What though we have lost our way in the woods, yet never hang the head as though thou hadst no hope to live till to-morrow; for 5 Fantastic and I will warrant thy life to-night for twenty in the hundred.
Fro. Antic and Fantastic, as I am frolic franion,[106] never in all my life was I so dead slain. What, to lose our way in the wood, 10 without either fire or candle, so uncomfortable! O cœlum! O terra! O Maria! O Neptune!
Fan. Why makes thou it so strange, seeing Cupid hath led our young master to the fair lady, and she is the only saint that he hath 15 sworn to serve?
Fro. What resteth, then, but we commit him to his wench, and each of us take his stand up in a tree, and sing out our ill fortune to the tune of “O man in desperation”? 20
Ant. Desperately spoken, fellow Frolic, in the dark; but seeing it falls out thus, let us rehearse the old proverb:
“Three merry men, and three merry men, And three merry men be we;25 I in the wood, and thou on the ground, And Jack sleeps in the tree.”
Fan. Hush! a dog in the wood, or a wooden[107] dog! O comfortable hearing! I had even as lief the chamberlain of the White Horse had 30 called me up to bed.
Fro. Either hath this trotting cur gone out of his circuit, or else are we near some village, which should not be far off, for I perceive the glimmering of a glow-worm, a candle, or a 35 cat’s eye, my life for a halfpenny! Enter [Clunch] a smith, with a lantern and candle. In the name of my own father, be thou ox or ass that appearest, tell us what thou art.
Smith. What am I? Why, I am Clunch the smith. What are you? What make you in 40 my territories at this time of the night?
Ant. What do we make, dost thou ask? Why, we make faces for fear; such as if thy mortal eyes could behold, would make thee water the long seams of thy side slops,[108] 45 smith.
Fro. And, in faith, sir, unless your hospitality do relieve us, we are like to wander, with a sorrowful heigh-ho, among the owlets and hobgoblins of the forest. Good Vulcan, for 50 Cupid’s sake that hath cozened us all, befriend us as thou mayst; and command us howsoever, wheresoever, whensoever, in whatsoever, for ever and ever.
Smith. Well, masters, it seems to me you 55 have lost your way in the wood; in consideration whereof, if you will go with Clunch to his cottage, you shall have house-room and a good fire to sit by, although we have no bedding to put you in. 60
All. O blessed smith, O bountiful Clunch!
Smith. For your further entertainment, it shall be as it may be, so and so.
A dog barks [within].
Hark![109] this is Ball my dog, that bids you all welcome in his own language. Come, take 65 heed for stumbling on the threshold.—Open door, Madge; take in guests.
Enter [Madge, an] old woman.
Madge.[110] Welcome, Clunch, and good fellows all, that come with my good-man. For my good-man’s sake, come on, sit down; here is70 a piece of cheese, and a pudding of my own making.
Ant. Thanks, gammer; a good example for the wives of our town.
Fro. Gammer, thou and thy good-man sit75 lovingly together; we come to chat, and not to eat.
Smith. Well, masters, if you will eat nothing, take away. Come, what do we to pass away the time? Lay a crab in the fire to roast for80 lamb’s-wool.[111] What, shall we have a game at trump[112] or ruff[112] to drive away the time? How say you?
Fan. This smith leads a life as merry as a king with Madge his wife. Sirrah Frolic, I85 am sure thou art not without some round or other; no doubt but Clunch can bear his part.
Fro. Else think you me ill brought up; so set to it when you will.
They sing.
Song.
Whenas the rye reach to the chin,90 And chopcherry, chopcherry ripe within, Strawberries swimming in the cream, And school-boys playing in the stream; Then, O, then, O, then, O, my true-love said, Till that time come again95 She could not live a maid.
Ant. This sport does well; but methinks, gammer, a merry winter’s tale would drive away the time trimly. Come, I am sure you are not without a score. 100
Fan. I’faith, gammer, a tale of an hour long were as good as an hour’s sleep.
Fro. Look you, gammer, of the giant and the king’s daughter, and I know not what. I have seen the day, when I was a little one, 105 you might have drawn me a mile after you with such a discourse.
Madge. Well, since you be so importunate, my good-man shall fill the pot and get him to bed; they that ply their work must keep 110 good hours. One of you go lie with him; he is a clean-skinned man I tell you, without either spavin or wind-gall: so I am content to drive away the time with an old wives’ winter’s tale.
Fan. No better hay in Devonshire; o’ my 115 word, gammer, I ’ll be one of your audience.
Fro. And I another, that ’s flat.
Ant. Then must I to bed with the good-man.—Bona nox, gammer.—Good night, Frolic.
Smith. Come on, my lad, thou shalt take 120 thy unnatural rest with me.
Exit Antic and the smith.
Fro. Yet this vantage shall we have of them in the morning, to be ready at the sight thereof extempore.
Madge. Now this bargain, my masters, 125 must I make with you, that you will say hum and ha to my tale, so shall I know you are awake.
Both. Content, gammer, that will we do.
Madge. Once upon a time, there was a 130 king, or a lord, or a duke, that had a fair daughter, the fairest that ever was, as white as snow and as red as blood; and once upon a time his daughter was stolen away; and he sent all his men to seek out his daughter; and he 135 sent so long, that he sent all his men out of his land.
Fro. Who drest his dinner, then?
Madge. Nay, either hear my tale, or kiss my tail. 140
Fan. Well said! On with your tale, gammer.
Madge. O Lord, I quite forgot! There was a conjurer, and this conjurer could do any thing, and he turned himself into a great dragon, and carried the king’s daughter away in his 145 mouth to a castle that he made of stone; and there he kept her I know not how long, till at last all the king’s men went out so long that her two brothers went to seek her. O, I forget! She (he, I would say,) turned a proper[113] 150 young man to a bear in the night, and a man in the day, and keeps[114] by a cross that parts three several ways; and he made his lady run mad,—Gods me bones, who comes here?
Enter the Two Brothers.
Fro. Soft, gammer, here some come to155 tell your tale for you.
Fan. Let them alone; let us hear what they will say.
1 Bro. Upon these chalky cliffs of Albion We are arrived now with tedious toil;160 And compassing the wide world round about, To seek our sister, to seek fair Delia forth, Yet cannot we so much as hear of her. 2 Bro. O fortune cruel, cruel and unkind! Unkind in that we cannot find our sister,165 Our sister, hapless in her cruel chance! Soft! who have we here?
Enter Senex [Erestus] at the cross, stooping to gather.
1 Bro. Now, father, God be your speed! What do you gather there?
Erest.[115] Hips and haws, and sticks and170 straws, and things that I gather on the ground, my son.
1 Bro. Hips and haws, and sticks and straws! Why, is that all your food, father?
Erest. Yea, son.175
2 Bro. Father, here is an alms-penny for me; and if I speed in that I go for, I will give thee as good a gown of grey as ever thou didst wear.
1 Bro. And, father, here is another alms-penny180 for me; and if I speed in my journey, I will give thee a palmer’s staff of ivory, and a scallop-shell of beaten gold.
Erest. Was she fair?
2 Bro. Ay, the fairest for white, and the 185 purest for red, as the blood of the deer, or the driven snow.
Erest. Then hark well, and mark well, my old spell: Be not afraid of every stranger; Start not aside at every danger;190 Things that seem are not the same; Blow a blast at every flame; For when one flame of fire goes out, Then comes your wishes well about: If any ask who told you this good,195 Say, the white bear of England’s wood. 1 Bro. Brother, heard you not what the old man said? “Be not afraid of every stranger; Start not aside for every danger; Things that seem are not the same;200 Blow a blast at every flame; [For when one flame of fire goes out, Then comes your wishes well about:] If any ask who told you this good, Say, the white bear of England’s wood.”205 2 Bro. Well, if this do us any good, Well fare the white bear of England’s wood! Exeunt [the Two Brothers]. Erest. Now sit thee here, and tell a heavy tale, Sad in thy mood, and sober in thy cheer; Here sit thee now, and to thyself relate210 The hard mishap of thy most wretched state. In Thessaly I liv’d in sweet content, Until that fortune wrought my overthrow; For there I wedded was unto a dame, That liv’d in honour, virtue, love, and fame.215 But Sacrapant, that cursed sorcerer, Being besotted with my beauteous love, My dearest love, my true betrothed wife, Did seek the means to rid me of my life. But worse than this, he with his chanting spells220 Did turn me straight unto an ugly bear; And when the sun doth settle in the west, Then I begin to don my ugly hide. And all the day I sit, as now you see. And speak in riddles, all inspired with rage,225 Seeming an old and miserable man, And yet I am in April of my age. Enter Venelia his lady, mad; and goes in again. See where Venelia, my betrothed love, Runs madding, all enrag’d, about the woods, All by his cursed and enchanting spells.—230
Enter Lampriscus with a pot of honey.
But here comes Lampriscus, my discontented neighbour. How now, neighbour! You look toward the ground as well as I; you muse on something.
Lamp. Neighbour, on nothing but on the 235 matter I so often moved to you. If you do anything for charity, help me; if for neighbourhood or brotherhood, help me: never was one so cumbered as is poor Lampriscus; and to begin, I pray receive this pot of honey, to 240 mend your fare.
Erest. Thanks, neighbour, set it down; honey is always welcome to the bear. And now, neighbour, let me hear the cause of your coming. 245
Lamp. I am, as you know, neighbour, a man unmarried; and lived so unquietly with my two wives, that I keep every year holy the day wherein I buried them both: the first was on Saint Andrew’s day, the other on Saint 250 Luke’s.
Erest. And now, neighbour, you of this country say, your custom is out. But on with your tale, neighbour.
Lamp. By my first wife, whose tongue 255 wearied me alive, and sounded in my ears like the clapper of a great bell, whose talk was a continual torment to all that dwelt by her or lived nigh her, you have heard me say I had a handsome daughter. 260
Erest. True, neighbour.
Lamp. She it is that afflicts me with her continual clamours, and hangs on me like a bur. Poor she is, and proud she is; as poor as a sheep new-shorn, and as proud of her hopes 265 as a peacock of her tail well-grown.
Erest. Well said, Lampriscus! You speak it like an Englishman.
Lamp. As curst as a wasp, and as froward as a child new-taken from the mother’s teat; 270 she is to my age as smoke to the eyes or as vinegar to the teeth.
Erest. Holily praised, neighbour. As much for the next.
Lamp. By my other wife I had a daughter 275 so hard-favoured, so foul and ill-faced, that I think a grove full of golden trees, and the leaves of rubies and diamonds, would not be a dowry answerable to her deformity.
Erest. Well, neighbour, now you have 280 spoke, hear me speak. Send them to the well for the water of life; there shall they find their fortunes unlooked for. Neighbour, farewell.
Exit.
Lamp. Farewell, and a thousand! And 285 now goeth poor Lampriscus to put in execution this excellent counsel.
Exit.
Fro. Why, this goes round without a fiddling-stick: but, do you hear, gammer, was this the man that was a bear in the night and a man 290 in the day?
Madge. Ay, this is he; and this man that came to him was a beggar, and dwelt upon a green. But soft! who comes here? O, these are the harvest-men; ten to one they sing a 295 song of mowing.
Enter the Harvest-men a-singing, with this song double repeated.
All ye that lovely lovers be, Pray you for me. Lo, here we come a-sowing, a-sowing, And sow sweet fruits of love;300 In your sweet hearts well may it prove! Exeunt.
Enter Huanebango with his two-hand sword, and Booby,[116] the clown.
Fan. Gammer, what is he?
Madge. O, this is one that is going to the conjurer. Let him alone; hear what he says.
Huan. Now, by Mars and Mercury, 305 Jupiter and Janus, Sol and Saturnus, Venus and Vesta, Pallas and Proserpina, and by the honour of my house, Polimackeroeplacidus, it is a wonder to see what this love will make silly fellows adventure, even in the wane of their 310 wits and infancy of their discretion. Alas, my friend! what fortune calls thee forth to seek thy fortune among brazen gates, enchanted towers, fire and brimstone, thunder and lightning? Beauty, I tell thee, is peerless, and 315 she precious whom thou affectest. Do off these desires, good countryman; good friend, run away from thyself; and, so soon as thou canst, forget her, whom none must inherit but he that can monsters tame, labours achieve, riddles 320 absolve, loose enchantments, murder magic, and kill conjuring,—and that is the great and mighty Huanebango.
Booby. Hark you, sir, hark you. First know I have here the flurting feather, and have 325 given the parish the start for the long stock:[117] now, sir, if it be no more but running through a little lightning and thunder, and “riddle me, riddle me what ’s this?” I ’ll have the wench from the conjurer, if he were ten conjurers. 330
Huan. I have abandoned the court and honourable company, to do my devoir against this sore sorcerer and mighty magician: if this lady be so fair as she is said to be, she is mine, she is mine; meus, mea, meum, in contemptum 335 omnium grammaticorum.
Booby. O falsum Latinum! The fair maid is minum. Cum apurtinantibus gibletis and all.
Huan. If she be mine, as I assure myself 340 the heavens will do somewhat to reward my worthiness, she shall be allied to none of the meanest gods, but be invested in the most famous stock of Huanebango,—Polimackeroeplacidus my grandfather, my father Pergopolineo, 345 my mother Dionora de Sardinia, famously descended.
Booby. Do you hear, sir? Had not you a cousin that was called Gusteceridis?
Huan. Indeed, I had a cousin that sometime 350 followed the court infortunately, and his name Bustegusteceridis.
Cor. O Lord, I know him well! He is the knight of the neat’s-feet.
Huan. O, he loved no capon better! He 355 hath oftentimes deceived his boy of his dinner; that was his fault, good Bustegusteceridis.
Booby. Come, shall we go along?
[Enter Erestus at the cross.]
Soft! here is an old man at the cross; let us ask him the way thither.—Ho, you gaffer! 360 I pray you tell where the wise man the conjurer dwells.
Huan. Where that earthly goddess keepeth her abode, the commander of my thoughts, and fair mistress of my heart. 365
Erest. Fair enough, and far enough from thy fingering, son.
Huan. I will follow my fortune after mine own fancy, and do according to mine own discretion. 370
Erest. Yet give something to an old man before you go.
Huan. Father, methinks a piece of this cake might serve your turn.
Erest. Yea, son. 375
Huan. Huanebango giveth no cakes for alms; ask of them that give gifts for poor beggars.—Fair lady, if thou wert once shrined in this bosom, I would buckler thee haratantara.
Exit.
Booby. Father, do you see this man? You 380 little think he ’ll run a mile or two for such a cake, or pass[118] for a pudding. I tell you, father, he has kept such a begging of me for a piece of this cake! Whoo! he comes upon me with “a superfantial substance, and the foison[119] of 385 the earth,” that I know not what he means. If he came to me thus, and said, “My friend Booby,” or so, why, I could spare him a piece with all my heart; but when he tells me how God hath enriched me above other fellows 390 with a cake, why, he makes me blind and deaf at once. Yet, father, here is a piece of cake for you, as hard as the world goes.[120]
[Gives cake.]
Erest. Thanks, son, but list to me; He shall be deaf when thou shalt not see.395 Farewell, my son: things may so hit, Thou mayst have wealth to mend thy wit.
Cor. Farewell, father, farewell; for I must make haste after my two-hand sword that is gone before.
Exeunt omnes. 400
Enter Sacrapant in his study.
Sac. The day is clear, the welkin bright and grey, The lark is merry and records[121] her notes; Each thing rejoiceth underneath the sky, But only I, whom heaven hath in hate, Wretched and miserable Sacrapant. 405 In Thessaly was I born and brought up; My mother Meroe hight,[122] a famous witch, And by her cunning I of her did learn To change and alter shapes of mortal men. There did I turn myself into a dragon, 410 And stole away the daughter to the king, Fair Delia, the mistress of my heart; And brought her hither to revive the man That seemeth young and pleasant to behold, And yet is aged, crooked, weak, and numb. 415 Thus by enchanting spells I do deceive Those that behold and look upon my face; But well may I bid youthful years adieu. Enter Delia with a pot in her hand. See where she comes from whence my sorrows grow! How now, fair Delia! where have you been? 420
Del. At the foot of the rock for running water, and gathering roots for your dinner, sir.
Sac. Ah, Delia, fairer art thou than the running water, yet harder far than steel or adamant! 425
Del. Will it please you to sit down, sir?
Sac. Ay, Delia, sit and ask me what thou wilt, Thou shalt have it brought into thy lap.
Del. Then, I pray you, sir, let me have the best meat from the King of England’s table, 430 and the best wine in all France, brought in by the veriest knave in all Spain.
Sac. Delia, I am glad to see you so pleasant. Well, sit thee down.— Spread, table, spread, 435 Meat, drink, and bread, Ever may I have What I ever crave, When I am spread, For meat for my black cock, 440 And meat for my red. Enter a Friar with a chine of beef and a pot of wine. Here, Delia, will ye fall to?
Del. Is this the best meat in England?
Sac. Yea.
Del. What is it? 445
Sac. A chine of English beef, meat for a king and a king’s followers.
Del. Is this the best wine in France?
Sac. Yea.
Del. What wine is it? 450
Sac. A cup of neat wine of Orleans, that never came near the brewers in England.
Del. Is this the veriest knave in all Spain?
Sac. Yea.
Del. What, is he a friar? 455
Sac. Yea, a friar indefinite, and a knave infinite.
Del. Then, I pray ye, Sir Friar, tell me before you go, which is the most greediest Englishman? 460
Fri. The miserable and most covetous usurer.
Sac. Hold thee there, friar. (Exit Friar.) But, soft! Who have we here? Delia, away, be gone! Enter the Two Brothers. Delia, away! for beset are we.— But heaven or hell shall rescue her for me. 465 [Exeunt Delia and Sacrapant.] 1 Bro. Brother, was not that Delia did appear, Or was it but her shadow that was here? 2 Bro. Sister, where art thou? Delia, come again! He calls, that of thy absence doth complain.— Call out, Calypha, that she may hear,470 And cry aloud, for Delia is near.
Echo. Near.
1 Bro. Near! O, where? Hast thou any tidings?
Echo. Tidings.
2 Bro. Which way is Delia, then; or that, or this? 475
Echo. This.
1 Bro. And may we safely come where Delia is?
Echo. Yes.
2 Bro. Brother, remember you the white bear of England’s wood? 480
“Start not aside for every danger, Be not afeard of every stranger; Things that seem are not the same.” 1 Bro. Brother, Why do we not, then, courageously enter? 485
2 Bro. Then, brother, draw thy sword and follow me.
Re-enter [Sacrapant] the Conjurer: it lightens and thunders; the Second Brother falls down.
1 Bro. What, brother, dost thou fall?
Sac. Ay, and thou too, Calypha. The First Brother falls down. Enter Two Furies. Adeste, dæmones! Away with them: Go carry them straight to Sacrapanto’s cell,490 There in despair and torture for to dwell. [Exeunt Furies with the Two Brothers.] These are Thenores’ sons of Thessaly, That come to seek Delia their sister forth; But, with a potion I to her have given, My arts have made her to forget herself.495 Removes a turf, and shows a light in a glass. See here the thing which doth prolong my life, With this enchantment I do any thing; And till this fade, my skill shall still endure, And never none shall break this little glass, But she that ’s neither wife, widow, nor maid.500 Then cheer thyself; this is thy destiny, Never to die but by a dead man’s hand. Exit.
Enter Eumenides, the wandering knight, and [Erestus] the old man at the cross.
Eum. Tell me, Time, Tell me, just Time, when shall I Delia see? When shall I see the loadstar of my life?505 When shall my wand’ring course end with her sight, Or I but view my hope, my heart’s delight? [Seeing Erestus.] Father, God speed! If you tell fortunes, I pray, good father, tell me mine. Erest. Son, I do see in thy face510 Thy blessed fortune work apace. I do perceive that thou hast wit; Beg of thy fate to govern it, For wisdom govern’d by advice, Makes many fortunate and wise.515 Bestow thy alms, give more than all, Till dead men’s bones come at thy call. Farewell, my son! Dream of no rest, Till thou repent that thou didst best. Exit. Eum. This man hath left me in a labyrinth:520 He biddeth me give more than all, Till dead men’s bones come at my call; He biddeth me dream of no rest. Till I repent that I do best. [Lies down and sleeps.]
Enter Wiggen, Corebus,[123] Churchwarden, and Sexton.
Wig. You may be ashamed, you whoreson 525 scald Sexton and Churchwarden, if you had any shame in those shameless faces of yours, to let a poor man lie so long above ground unburied. A rot on you all, that have no more compassion of a good fellow when he is gone! 530
Church.[124] What, would you have us to bury him, and to answer it ourselves to the parish?
Sex. Parish me no parishes; pay me my fees, and let the rest run on in the quarter’s accounts, and put it down for one of your good 535 deeds, o’ God’s name! for I am not one that curiously stands upon merits.
Cor. You whoreson, sodden-headed sheep’s-face, shall a good fellow do less service and more honesty to the parish, and will you not, 540 when he is dead, let him have Christmas burial?
Wig. Peace, Corebus! As sure as Jack was Jack, the frolic’st franion amongst you, and I, Wiggen, his sweet sworn brother, Jack shall have his funerals, or some of them shall lie 545 on God’s dear earth for it, that’s once.[125]
Church. Wiggen, I hope thou wilt do no more than thou dar’st answer.
Wig. Sir, sir, dare or dare not, more or less, answer or not answer, do this, or have this. 550
Sex. Help, help, help!
Wiggen sets upon the parish with a pike-staff:[126] Eumenides awakes and comes to them.
Eum. Hold thy hands, good fellow.
Cor. Can you blame him, sir, if he take Jack’s part against this shake-rotten parish that will not bury Jack? 555
Eum. Why, what was that Jack?
Cor. Who, Jack, sir? Who, our Jack, sir? As good a fellow as ever trod upon neat’s-leather.
Wig. Look you, sir; he gave fourscore 560 and nineteen mourning gowns to the parish when he died, and because he would not make them up a full hundred, they would not bury him: was not this good dealing?
Church. O Lord, sir, how he lies! He was 565 not worth a halfpenny, and drunk out every penny; and now his fellows, his drunken companions, would have us to bury him at the charge of the parish. An we make many such matches, we may pull down the steeple, sell 570 the bells, and thatch the chancel. He shall lie above ground till he dance a galliard about the church-yard, for Steven Loach.
Wig. Sic argumentaris, Domine Loach;—“an we make many such matches, we may 575 pull down the steeple, sell the bells, and thatch the chancel!”—in good time, sir, and hang yourselves in the bell-ropes, when you have done. Domine, opponens præpono tibi hanc quœstionem, whether will you have the 580 ground broken or your pates broken first? For one of them shall be done presently, and to begin mine,[127] I’ll seal it upon your coxcomb.
Eum. Hold thy hands, I pray thee, good fellow; be not too hasty. 585
Cor. You capon’s face, we shall have you turned out of the parish one of these days, with never a tatter to your arse; then you are in worse taking than Jack.
Eum. Faith, and he is bad enough. This 590 fellow does but the part of a friend, to seek to bury his friend. How much will bury him?
Wig. Faith, about some fifteen or sixteen shillings will bestow him honestly.
Sex. Ay, even thereabouts, sir. 595
Eum. Here, hold it, then:—[aside.] and I have left me but one poor three half-pence. Now do I remember the words the old man spake at the cross, “Bestow all thou hast,” and this is all, “till dead men’s bones come 600 at thy call.”—Here, hold it [gives money]; and so farewell.
Wig. God, and all good, be with you, sir! [Exit Eumenides.] Nay, you cormorants, I’ll bestow one peal of[128] Jack at mine own 605 proper costs and charges.
Cor. You may thank God the long staff and the bilbo-blade crossed nor your coxcomb.—Well, we’ll to the church-stile[129] and have a pot, and so trill-lill.610
[Exit with Wiggen.]
Church. } Sex. Come, let’s go.
Exeunt.
Fan. But, hark you, gammer, me thinks this Jack bore a great sway in the parish.
Madge. O, this Jack was a marvellous 615 fellow! he was but a poor man, but very well beloved. You shall see anon what this Jack will come to.
Enter the Harvest-men singing, with women in their hands.
Fro. Soft! who have we here? Our amorous harvesters. 620
Fan. Ay, ay, let us sit still, and let them alone.
Here they begin to sing, the song doubled.
Lo, here we come a-reaping, a-reaping, To reap our harvest-fruit! And thus we pass the year so long,625 And never be we mute Exeunt the Harvest-men.
Enter Huanebango and Corebus, the clown.
Fro. Soft! who have we here?
Madge. O, this is a choleric gentleman! All you that love your lives, keep out of the smell of his two-hand sword. Now goes he to the 630 conjurer.
Fan. Methinks the conjurer should put the fool into a juggling-box.
Huan. Fee, fa, fum, Here is the Englishman,—635 Conquer him that can,— Come for his lady bright, To prove himself a knight, And win her love in fight.
Cor. Who-haw, Master Bango, are you 640 here? Hear you, you had best sit down here, and beg an alms with me.
Huan. Hence, base cullion! Here is he that commandeth ingress and egress with his weapon, and will enter at his voluntary, 645 whosoever saith no.
A voice and flame of fire; Huanebango falleth down.
Voice. No.
Madge. So with that they kissed, and spoiled the edge of as good a two-hand sword as ever God put life in. Now goes Corebus in, spite 650 of the conjurer.
Enter [Sacrapant] the Conjurer and [Two Furies].
Sac. Away with him into the open fields, To be a ravening prey to crows and kites: [Huan. is carried out by the Two Furies.] And for this villain, let him wander up and down, In naught but darkness and eternal night.655 Strikes Corebus blind. Cor. Here hast thou slain Huan, a slashing knight, And robbed poor Corebus of his sight. Exit. Sac. Hence, villain, hence!—Now I have unto Delia Given a potion of forgetfulness, That, when she comes, she shall not know her brothers.660 Lo, where they labour, like to country-slaves, With spade and mattock, on this enchanted ground! Now will I call her by another name; For never shall she know herself again, Until that Sacrapant hath breath’d his last.665 See where she comes. Enter Delia. Come hither, Delia, take this goad; here hard At hand two slaves do work and dig for gold: Gore them with this, and thou shalt have enough. Gives her a goad. Del. Good sir, I know not what you mean.670 Sac. [aside.] She hath forgotten to be Delia, But not forgot the same she should forget; But I will change her name.— Fair Berecynthia, so this country calls you, Go ply these strangers, wench; they dig for gold. 675 Exit. Del. O heavens, how Am I beholding to this fair young man! But I must ply these strangers to their work: See where they come.
Enter the Two Brothers in their shirts, with spades, digging.
1 Bro. O brother, see where Delia is!680 2 Bro. O Delia, Happy are we to see thee here! Del. What tell you me of Delia, prating swains? I know no Delia, nor know I what you mean. Ply you your work, or else you ’re like to smart.685 1 Bro. Why, Delia, know’st thou not thy brothers here? We come from Thessaly to seek thee forth; And thou deceiv’st thyself, for thou art Delia. Del. Yet more of Delia? Then take this, and smart. [Pricks them with the goad.] What, feign you shifts for to defer your labour?690 Work, villains, work; it is for gold you dig. 2 Bro. Peace, brother, peace: this vild[130] enchanter Hath ravisht Delia of her senses clean, And she forgets that she is Delia. 1 Bro. Leave, cruel thou, to hurt the miserable.—695 Dig, brother, dig, for she is hard as steel. Here they dig, and descry a light [in a glass] under a little hill. 2 Bro. Stay, brother; what hast thou descried? Del. Away, and touch it not; ’tis something that My lord hath hidden there. Covers the light again. Re-enter Sacrapant. Sac. Well said![131] thou plyest these pioners[132] well—700 Go get you in, you labouring slaves. [Exeunt the Two Brothers.] Come, Berecynthia, let us in likewise, And hear the nightingale record her notes. Exeunt.
Enter Zantippa, the curst daughter, to the Well [of Life], with a pot in her hand.
Zan. Now for a husband, house, and home: God send a good one or none, I pray God! 705 My father hath sent me to the well for the water of life, and tells me, if I give fair words, I shall have a husband. But here comes
Enter [Celanta], the foul wench, to the Well for water with a pot in her hand.
Celanta, my sweet sister. I ’ll stand by and hear what she says. 710
Cel. My father hath sent me to the well for water, and he tells me, if I speak fair, I shall have a husband, and none of the worst. Well, though I am black,[133] I am sure all the world will not forsake me; and, as the old proverb 715 is, though I am black, I am not the devil.
Zan. Marry-gup with a murrain,[134] I know wherefore thou speakest that: but go thy ways home as wise as thou camest, or I ’ll set thee home with a wanion.[135] 720
Here she strikes her pitcher against her sister’s, and breaks them both, and then exit.
Cel. I think this be the curstest quean in the world. You see what she is, a little fair, but as proud as the devil, and the veriest vixen that lives upon God’s earth. Well, I ’ll let her alone, and go home and get another pitcher, and, 725 for all this, get me to the well for water. Exit.
Enter two Furies out of the Conjurer’s cell and lay Huanebango by the Well of Life [and then exeunt.] Re-enter Zantippa with a pitcher to the well.
Zan. Once again for a husband; and, in faith, Celanta, I have got the start of you; belike husbands grow by the well-side. Now my father says I must rule my tongue. Why, alas, 730 what am I, then? A woman without a tongue is as a soldier without his weapon. But I ’ll have my water, and be gone.
Here she offers to dip her pitcher in, and a Head speaks in the well.
Head. Gently dip, but not too deep. For fear you make the golden beard to weep.735 Fair maiden, white and red, Stroke me smooth, and comb my head, And thou shalt have some cockell-bread.[136] Zan. What is this? “Fair maiden, white and red,740 Comb me smooth, and stroke my head. And thou shalt have some cockell-bread”? “Cockell” callest thou it, boy? Faith, I ’ll give you cockell-bread.
She breaks her pitcher upon the Head: then it thunders and lightens; and Huanebango, who is deaf and cannot hear, rises up.
Huan. Philida, phileridos, pamphilida, florida, flortos:745 Dub dub-a-dub, bounce, quoth the guns, with a sulphurous huff-snuff:[137] Wakt with a wench, pretty peat, pretty love, and my sweet pretty pigsnie,[138] Just by thy side shall sit surnamed great Huanebango: Safe in my arms will I keep thee, threat Mars or thunder Olympus.
Zan. [aside.] Foh, what greasy groom 750 have we here? He looks as though he crept out of the backside of the well, and speaks like a drum perisht at the west end.
Huan. O, that I might,—but I may not, woe to my destiny therefore!—[139] Kiss that I clasp! but I cannot. Tell me, my destiny, wherefore? 755
Zan. [aside.] Whoop! now I have my dream. Did you never hear so great a wonder as this? Three blue beans in a blue bladder, rattle, bladder, rattle.
Huan. [aside.] I ’ll now set my countenance, 760 and to her in prose, it may be, this rim-ram-ruff[140] is too rude an encounter.—Let me, fair lady, if you be at leisure, revel with your sweetness, and rail upon that cowardly conjurer, that hath cast me, or congealed me 765 rather, into an unkind sleep, and polluted my carcass.
Zan. [aside.] Laugh, laugh, Zantippa; thou hast thy fortune, a fool and a husband under one.
Huan. Truly, sweet-heart, as I seem, 770 about some twenty years, the very April of mine age.
Zan. [aside.] Why, what a prating ass is this!
Huan. Her coral lips, her crimson chin, Her silver teeth so white within,775 Her golden locks, her rolling eye, Her pretty parts, let them go by, Heigh-ho, hath wounded me, That I must die this day to see!
Zan. By Gogs-bones, thou art a flouting 780 knave. “Her coral lips, her crimson chin”! ka,[141] wilshaw!
Huan. True, my own, and my own because mine, and mine because mine, ha, ha! Above a thousand pounds in possibility, and things 785 fitting thy desire in possession.
Zan. [aside.] The sot thinks I ask of his lands. Lob[142] be your comfort, and cuckold be your destiny!—Hear you, sir; an if you will have us, you had best say so betime. 790
Huan. True, sweet-heart, and will royalize thy progeny with my pedigree.
Exeunt.
Enter Eumenides, the wandering knight.
Eum. Wretched Eumenides, still unfortunate, Envied by fortune and forlorn by fate, Here pine and die, wretched Eumenides,795 Die in the spring, the April of my age! Here sit thee down, repent what thou hast done: I would to God that it were ne’er begun!
Enter [the Ghost of] Jack.
[G. of] Jack. You are well overtaken, sir.
Eum. Who ’s that? 800
[G. of] Jack. You are heartily well met, sir.
Eum. Forbear, I say; who is that which pincheth me?
[G. of] Jack. Trusting in God, good Master Eumenides, that you are in so good health as 805 all your friends were at the making hereof, God give you good morrow, sir! Lack you not a neat, handsome, and cleanly young lad, about the age of fifteen or sixteen years, that can run by your horse, and, for a need, make 810 your mastership’s shoes as black as ink? How say you, sir?
Eum. Alas, pretty lad, I know not how to keep myself, and much less a servant, my pretty boy; my state is so bad. 815
[G. of] Jack. Content yourself, you shall not be so ill a master but I ’ll be as bad a servant. Tut, sir, I know you, though you know not me. Are not you the man, sir, deny it if you can, sir, that came from a strange place 820 in the land of Catita, where Jack-an-apes flies with his tail in his mouth, to seek out a lady as white as snow and as red as blood? Ha, ha! have I touched you now?
Eum. [aside.] I think this boy be a 825 spirit.—How knowest thou all this?
[G. of] Jack. Tut, are not you the man, sir, deny it if you can, sir, that gave all the money you had to the burying of a poor man, and but one three half-pence left in your 830 purse? Content you, sir, I ’ll serve you, that is flat.
Eum. Well, my lad, since thou art so impor[tu]nate, I am content to entertain thee, not as a servant, but a copartner in my journey, 835 But whither shall we go? for I have not any money more than one bare three half-pence.
G. [of] Jack. Well, master, content yourself, for if my divination be not out, that shall be spent at the next inn or alehouse we come 840 to: for, master, I know you are passing hungry; therefore I ’ll go before and provide dinner until that you come; no doubt but you ’ll come fair and softly after.
Eum. Ay, go before; I ’ll follow thee. 845
[G. of] Jack. But do you hear, master? Do you know my name?
Eum. No, I promise thee, not yet.
[G. of] Jack. Why, I am Jack.
Exit.
Eum. Jack! Why, be it so, then. 850
Enter the Hostess and Jack, setting meat on the table: and Fiddlers come to play. Eumenides walketh up and down, and will eat no meat.
Host. How say you, sir? Do you please to sit down?
Eum. Hostess, I thank you, I have no great stomach.
Host. Pray, sir, what is the reason your 855 master is so strange? Doth not this meat please him?
[G. of] Jack. Yes, hostess, but it is my master’s fashion to pay before he eats; therefore, a reckoning, good hostess. 860
Host. Marry, shall you, sir, presently.
Exit.
Eum. Why. Jack, what dust thou mean? Thou knowest I have not any money; therefore, sweet Jack, tell me what shall I do?
[G. of] Jack. Well, master, look in your 865 purse.
Eum. Why, faith, it is a folly, for I have no money.
[G. of] Jack. Why, look you, master; do so much for me. 870
Eum. [looking into his purse.] Alas, Jack, my purse is full of money!
[G. of] Jack. “Alas,” master! does that word belong to this accident? Why, methinks I should have seen you cast away your cloak, 875 and in a bravado dance a galliard round about the chamber. Why, master, your man can teach you more wit than this.
[Re-enter Hostess.]
Come, hostess, cheer up my master.
Host. You are heartily welcome; and if it 880 please you to eat of a fat capon, a fairer bird, a finer bird, a sweeter bird, a crisper bird, a neater bird, your worship never eat of.
Eum. Thanks, my fine, eloquent hostess.
[G. of] Jack. But hear you, master, one 885 word by the way. Are you content I shall be halves in all you get in your journey?
Eum. I am. Jack, here is my hand.
[G. of] Jack. Enough, master, I ask no more.
Eum. Come, hostess, receive your money; 890 and I thank you for my good entertainment.
[Gives money.]
Host. You are heartily welcome, sir.
Eum. Come, Jack, whither go we now?
[G. of] Jack. Marry, master, to the conjurer’s presently. 895
Eum. Content, Jack.—Hostess, farewell.
Exeunt.
Enter Corebus [blind], and Celanta, the foul wench, to the Well for water.
Cor. Come, my duck, come: I have now got a wife. Thou art fair, art thou not?
Cel. My Corebus, the fairest alive; make no doubt of that. 900
Cor. Come, wench, are we almost at the well?
Cel. Ay, Corebus, we are almost at the well now. I ’ll go fetch some water; sit down while I dip my pitcher in.
Voice. Gently dip, but not too deep,905 For fear you make the golden beard to weep. A Head comes up with ears of corn, and she combs them into her lap. Fair maiden, white and red, Comb me smooth, and stroke my head. And thou shalt have some cockell-bread.
A [Second] Head comes up full of gold; she combs it into her lap.[143]
[Sec. Head.] Gently dip, but not too deep,910 For fear thou make the golden beard to weep. Fair maid, white and red, Comb me smooth, and stroke my head, And every hair a sheaf shall be, And every sheaf a golden tree.915
Cel. O, see, Corebus, I have comb’d a great deal of gold into my lap, and a great deal of corn!
Cor. Well said,[144] wench! now we shall have just enough. God send us coiners to coin our 920 gold. But come, shall we go home, sweet-heart?
Cel. Nay, come, Corebus, I will lead you.
Cor. So, Corebus, things have well hit; Thou hast gotten wealth to mend thy wit.
Exeunt.
Enter [the Ghost of] Jack and [Eumenides] the wandering knight.
[G. of] Jack. Come away, master, come. 925
Eum. Go along. Jack, I ’ll follow thee. Jack, they say it is good to go cross-legged, and say his prayers backward; how sayest thou?
[G. of] Jack. Tut, never fear, master; let me alone. Here sit you still; speak not a word; 930 and because you shall not be enticed with his enchanting speeches, with this same wool I ’ll stop your ears: and so, master, sit still, for I must to the conjurer. Exit.
Enter [Sacrapant] the Conjurer to the wandering knight.
Sac. How now! What man art thou that sits so sad?935 Why dost thou gaze upon these stately trees Without the leave and will of Sacrapant? What, not a word but mum? Then, Sacrapant, Thou art betray’d. Re-enter [the Ghost of] Jack invisible, and takes off Sacrapant’s wreath from his head, and his sword out of his hand. What hand invades the head of Sacrapant?940 What hateful Fury doth envy my happy state? Then, Sacrapant, these are thy latest days. Alas, my veins are numb’d, my sinews shrink. My blood is pierc’d, my breath fleeting away. And now my timeless date is come to end!945 He in whose life his actions hath[145] been so foul, Now in his death to hell descends his soul. He dieth.
[G. of] Jack. O, sir, are you gone? Now I hope we shall have some other coil.—Now, master, how like you this? The conjurer he is 950 dead, and vows never to trouble us more. Now get you to your fair lady, and see what you can do with her.—Alas, he heareth me not all this while; but I will help that.
Pulls the wool out of the ears of Eumenides.
Eum. How now, Jack! What news? 955
[G. of] Jack. Here, master, take this sword, and dig with it at the foot of this hill.
Eumenides digs, and spies a light [in a glass].
Eum. How now. Jack! What is this?
[G. of] Jack. Master, without this the conjurer could do nothing; and so long as this 960 light lasts, so long doth his art endure, and this being out, then doth his art decay.
Eum. Why, then, Jack, I will soon put out this light.
[G. of] Jack. Ay, master, how? 965
Eum. Why, with a stone I ’ll break the glass, and then blow it out.
[G. of] Jack. No, master, you may as soon break the smith’s anvil as this little vial; nor the biggest blast that ever Boreas blew cannot 970 blow out this little light; but she that is neither maid, wife, nor widow. Master, wind this horn, and see what will happen.
Eumenides winds the horn. Here enters Venelia, and breaks the glass, and blows out the light, and goeth in again.
So, master, how like you this? This is she that ran madding in the woods, his betrothed love 975 that keeps the cross; and now, this light being out, all are restored to their former liberty. And now, master, to the lady that you have so long looked for.
The Ghost of Jack draweth a curtain, and there Delia sitteth asleep.
Eum. God speed, fair maid, sitting alone,—there 980 is once; God speed, fair maid,—there is twice; God speed, fair maid,—that is thrice.
Del. Not so, good sir, for you are by.
[G. of] Jack. Enough, master, she hath 985 spoke; now I will leave her with you.
[Exit.]
Eum. Thou fairest flower of these western parts, Whose beauty so reflecteth in my sight As doth a crystal mirror in the sun; For thy sweet sake I have crost the frozen Rhine;[146]990 Leaving fair Po, I sail’d up Danuby As far as Saba, whose enhancing streams Cut twixt the Tartars and the Russians; These have I crost for thee, fair Delia: Then grant me that which I have su’d for long.995 Del. Thou gentle knight, whose fortune is so good To find me out and set my brothers free, My faith, my heart, my hand I give to thee.
Eum. Thanks, gentle madam; but here comes Jack: thank him, for he is the 1000 best friend that we have.
Re-enter [the Ghost of] Jack, with a head in his hand.
How now. Jack! What hast thou there?
[G. of] Jack. Marry, master, the head of the conjurer.
Eum. Why, Jack, that is impossible; he 1005 was a young man.
[G. of] Jack. Ah, master, so he deceived them that beheld him! But he was a miserable, old, and crooked man, though to each man’s eye he seemed young and fresh; for, 1010 master, this conjurer took the shape of the old man that kept the cross, and that old man was in the likeness of the conjurer. But now, master, wind your horn.
Eumenides winds his horn. Enter Venelia, the Two Brothers, and [Erestus] he that was at the cross.
Eum. Welcome, Erestus! welcome, fair Venelia!1015 Welcome, Thelea and Calypha both! Now have I her that I so long have sought; So saith fair Delia, if we have your consent. 1 Bro. Valiant Eumenides, thou well deservest To have our favours; so let us rejoice1020 That by thy means we are at liberty. Here may we joy each in other’s sight, And this fair lady have her wandering knight.
[G. of] Jack. So, master, now ye think you have done; but I must have a saying to 1025 you. You know you and I were partners, I to have half in all you got.
Eum. Why, so thou shalt. Jack.
[G. of] Jack. Why, then, master, draw your sword, part your lady, let me have half of 1030 her presently.
Eum. Why, I hope. Jack, thou dost but jest. I promised thee half I got, but not half my lady.
[G. of] Jack. But what else, master? 1035 Have you not gotten her? Therefore divide her straight, for I will have half; there is no remedy.
Eum. Well, ere I will falsify my word unto my friend, take her all. Here, Jack, I’ll 1040 give her thee.
[G. of] Jack. Nay, neither more nor less, master, but even just half.
Eum. Before I will falsify my faith unto my friend, I will divide her. Jack, thou shalt 1045 have half.
1 Bro. Be not so cruel unto our sister, gentle knight.
2 Bro. O, spare fair Delia! She deserves no death. 1050
Eum. Content yourselves; my word is passed to him.—Therefore prepare thyself, Delia, for thou must die.
Del. Then farewell, world! Adieu, Eumenides!
Eumenides offers to strike, and [the Ghost of] Jack stays him.
[G. of] Jack. Stay, master; it is sufficient 1055 I have tried your constancy. Do you now remember since you paid for the burying of a poor fellow?
Eum. Ay, very well, Jack.
[G. of] Jack. Then, master, thank that 1060 good deed for this good turn; and so God be with you all!
Leaps down in the ground.
Eum. Jack, what, art thou gone? Then farewell. Jack!— Come, brothers, and my beauteous Delia, Erestus, and thy dear Venelia, 1065 We will to Thessaly with joyful hearts.
All. Agreed: we follow thee and Delia.
Exeunt all [except Frolic, Fantastic, and Madge].
Fan. What, gammer, asleep?
Madge. By the mass, son, ’t is almost day; and my windows shut at the cock’s-crow. 1070
Fro. Do you hear, gammer? Methinks this Jack bore a great sway amongst them.
Madge. O, man, this was the ghost of the poor man that they kept such a coil to bury; and that makes him to help the wandering 1075 knight so much. But come, let us in: we will have a cup of ale and a toast this morning, and so depart.[147]
Fan. Then you have made an end of your tale, gammer? 1080
Madge. Yes, faith: when this was done, I took a piece of bread and cheese, and came my way; and so shall you have, too, before you go, to your breakfast.
[Exeunt.]