Mal. O, thou art a blessed creature! Had 5 I a modest woman to conceal, I would put her to thy custody; for no reasonable creature would ever suspect her to be in thy company. Ah, thou art a melodious Maquerelle,—thou picture of a woman, and substance of a beast!

[[2766] Enter Passarello with wine.

Maq. O fool, will ye be ready anon to go11 with me to the revels? The hall will be so pestered[2767] anon.

Pass. Ay, as the country is with attorneys.

Mal. What hast thou there, fool?15

Pass. Wine; I have learned to drink since I went with my lord ambassador: I ’ll drink to the health of Madam Maquerelle,

Mal. Why, thou wast wont to rail upon her.

Pass. Ay; but since I borrowed money of20 her, I ’ll drink to her health now; as gentlemen visit brokers, or as knights send venison to the city, either to take up more money, or to procure longer forbearance.

Mal. Give me the bowl. I drink a health25 to Altofront, our deposed duke.

[Drinks.]

Pass. I’ll take it [drinks]:—so. Now I ’ll begin a health to Madam Maquerelle.

[Drinks.]

Mal. Pooh! I will not pledge her.

Pass. Why, I pledged your lord.30

Mal. I care not.

Pass. Not pledge Madam Maquerelle! Why, then, will I spew up your lord again with this fool’s finger.

Mal. Hold; I ’ll take it.

[Drinks.]

Maq. Now thou hast drunk my health,36 fool, I am friends with thee.

Pass. Art? art?

When Griffon[2768] saw the reconciled quean

Offering about his neck her arms to cast,40

He threw off sword and heart’s malignant spleen,[2769]

And lovely her below the loins embrac’d.—

Adieu, Madam Maquerelle.

Exit.]

Mal. And how dost thou think o’ this transformation of state now?45

Maq. Verily, very well; for we women always note, the falling of the one is the rising of the other; some must be fat, some must be lean; some must be fools, and some must be lords; some must be knaves, and some must be officers; some50 must be beggars, some must be knights; some must be cuckolds, and some must be citizens. As for example, I have two court-dogs, the most fawning curs, the one called Watch, the other Catch: now I, like Lady Fortune, sometimes love this dog, sometimes raise that56 dog, sometimes favour Watch, most commonly fancy Catch. Now, that dog which I favour I feed; and he ’s so ravenous, that what I give he never chaws it, gulps it down whole, without any relish of what he has, but with a greedy61 expectation of what he shall have. The other dog now—

Mal. No more dog, sweet Maquerelle, no more dog. And what hope hast thou of the65 Duchess Maria? Will she stoop to the duke’s lure? Will she come, thinkest?

Maq. Let me see, where ’s the sign now? Ha’ ye e’er a calendar? Where ’s the sign, trow you?70

Mal. Sign! why is there any moment in that?

Maq. O, believe me, a most secret power: look ye, a Chaldean or an Assyrian, I am sure ’t was a most sweet Jew, told me, court any woman in the right sign, you shall not miss. But you must take her in the right vein76 then; as, when the sign is in Pisces, a fishmonger’s wife is very sociable; in Cancer, a precisian’s wife is very flexible; in Capricorn, a merchant’s wife hardly holds out; in Libra, a lawyer’s wife is very tractable, especially if81 her husband be at the term; only in Scorpio ’t is very dangerous meddling. Has the duke sent any jewel, any rich stones?

Enter Captain.

Mal. Ay, I think those are the best signs to85 take a lady in. By your favour, signior, I must discourse with the Lady Maria, Altofront’s duchess; I must enter for the duke.

Capt. She here shall give you interview. I89 received the guardship of this citadel from the good Altofront, and for his use I’ll keep ’t, till I am of no use.

Mal. Wilt thou? O heavens, that a Christian should be found in a buff-jerkin! Captain Conscience, I love thee, captain. (Exit Captain.)95 We attend. And what hope hast thou of this duchess’ easiness?

Maq. ’T will go hard, she was a cold creature ever; she hated monkeys, fools, jesters,99 and gentlemen-ushers extremely; she had the vile trick on ’t, not only to be truly modestly honourable in her own conscience, but she would avoid the least wanton carriage that might incur suspect; as, God bless me, she had almost brought bed-pressing out of fashion; I105 could scarce get a fine for the lease of a lady’s favour once in a fortnight.

Mal. Now, in the name of immodesty, how many maidenheads has thou brought to the block?110

Maq. Let me see: heaven forgive us our misdeeds! —Here’s the duchess.

Notes in this chapter

Note 1 · Before the Citadel.Note 2 · Q₁ omits ll. 11-43.Note 3 · Crowded.Note 4 · A hero in Orlando Furioso. (Reed.)Note 5 · Bullen’s emend. Qq. stream.