Act 3 — [Scene IV.][3083]

Host. Puissant knight, yonder his mansion is. Lo, where the spear and copper basin are! Behold that string, on which hangs many a tooth, 5 Drawn from the gentle jaw of wand’ring knights! I dare not stay to sound; he will appear.[3084] Exit. Ralph. Oh, faint not, heart! Susan, my lady dear, The cobbler’s maid in Milk-street, for whose sake 9 I take these arms, oh, let the thought of thee Carry thy knight through all adventurous deeds; And, in the honour of thy beauteous self, May I destroy this monster Barbaroso!— Knock, squire, upon the basin, till it break 14 With the shrill strokes, or till the giant speak. [Tim knocks upon the basin.]

Bar. What fond[3085] unknowing wight is this, that dares So rudely knock at Barbaroso’s cell, Where no man comes but leaves his fleece behind?20 Ralph. I, traitorous caitiff, who am sent by fate To punish all the sad enormities Thou hast committed against ladies gent And errant knights. Traitor to God and men, Prepare thyself! This is the dismal hour25 Appointed for thee to give strict account Of all thy beastly treacherous villanies. Bar. Fool-hardy knight, full soon thou shalt aby[3086] This fond reproach: thy body will I bang; Takes down his pole.29 And, lo, upon that string thy teeth shall hang! Prepare thyself, for dead soon shalt thou be. Ralph. Saint George for me! They fight. Bar. Gargantua for me!

Wife. Bear ’t off, bear ’t off still! there, boy!— Oh, Ralph ’s almost down, Ralph ’s almost down!

Ralph. Susan, inspire me! Now have up again.40

Ralph. Presumptuous man, see to what desperate end Thy treachery hath brought thee! The just gods, Who never prosper those that do despise them, For all the villanies which thou hast done To knights and ladies, now have paid thee home50 By my stiff arm, a knight adventurous. But say, vile wretch, before I send thy soul To sad Avernus, whither it must go, What captives holdst thou in thy sable cave? Bar. Go in, and free them all; thou hast the day.55 Ralph. Go, squire and dwarf, search in this dreadful cave, And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds. Exeunt Tim and George. Bar. I crave for mercy, as thou art a knight, And scorn’st to spill the blood of those that beg. Ralph. Thou show’d’st no mercy, nor shalt thou have any;60 Prepare thyself, for thou shalt surely die.

Tim. Behold, brave knight, here is one prisoner, Whom this wild man hath used as you see.

Ralph. Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been us’d. That I may give him condign punishment. 1 Kn. I am a knight that took my journey post Northward from London; and in courteous wise This giant train’d me to his loathsome den,70 Under pretence of killing of the itch; And all my body with a powder strew’d, That smarts and stings; and cut away my beard, And my curl’d locks wherein were ribands ti’d; And with a water washt my tender eyes,75 (Whilst up and down about me still he skipt,) Whose virtue is, that, till my eyes be wipt With a dry cloth, for this my foul disgrace, I shall not dare to look a dog i’ th’ face.

Ralph. My trusty squire, convey him to the town, Where he may find relief.—Adieu, fair knight. Exit 1 Knight.

George. Puissant Knight, of the Burning Pestle hight,84 See here another wretch, whom this foul beast Hath scorcht[3088] and scor’d in this inhuman wise. Ralph. Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth, And what hath been thy usage in this cave. 2 Kn. I am a knight. Sir Pockhole is my name, And by my birth I am a Londoner,90 Free by my copy,[3089] but my ancestors Were Frenchmen[3090] all; and riding hard this way Upon a trotting horse, my bones did ache; And I, faint knight, to ease my weary limbs, Light at this cave; when straight this furious fiend,95 With sharpest instruments of purest steel, Did cut the gristle of my nose away, And in the place this velvet plaster stands. Relieve me, gentle knight, out of his hands!99

Ralph. Convey him straight after the other knight.— Sir Pockhole, fare you well. 2 Kn. Kind sir, good night. Exit. Man. [within.] Deliver us! Cries within. Woman. [within.] Deliver us!105

Man. [within.] Deliver us! Women. [within.] Deliver us! Ralph. What ghastly noise is this? Speak, Barbaroso,110 Or, by this blazing steel, thy head goes off! Bar. Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep. Send lower down into the cave, And in a tub that ’s heated smoking hot, There may they find them, and deliver them.115 Ralph. Run, squire and dwarf; deliver them with speed. Exeunt Tim and George.

George. Here be these pined wretches, manful knight,130 That for this six weeks have not seen a wight. Ralph. Deliver what you are, and how you came To this sad cave, and what your usage was? Man. I am an errant knight that followed arms With spear and shield; and in my tender years I stricken was with Cupid’s fiery shaft,136 And fell in love with this my lady dear, And stole her from her friends in Turnbull-street,[3091] And bore her up and down from town to town, Where we did eat and drink, and music hear; Till at the length at this unhappy town141 We did arrive, and coming to this cave, This beast us caught, and put us in a tub, Where we this two months sweat,[3092] and should have done Another month, if you had not reliev’d us.145 Woman. This bread and water hath our diet been, Together with a rib cut from a neck Of burned mutton; hard hath been our fare. Release us from this ugly giant’s snare! Man. This hath been all the food we have receiv’d;150 But only twice a-day, for novelty. He gave a spoonful of this hearty broth To each of us, through this same slender quill. Pulls out a syringe. Ralph. From this infernal monster you shall go, That useth knights and gentle ladies so!—155 Convey them hence. Exeunt Man and Woman.

Bar. Mercy, great knight! I do recant my ill, And henceforth never gentle blood will spill. Ralph. I give thee mercy; but yet shalt thou swear165 Upon my Burning Pestle, to perform Thy promise uttered. Bar. I swear and kiss. [Kisses the Pestle.] Ralph. Depart, then, and amend.— [Exit Barber.] Come, squire and dwarf; the sun grows towards his set, And we have many more adventures yet. 170 Exeunt.