Act 5 — Scene XII.[1743]

1 Avoc. These things can ne’er be reconcil’d. He here [showing the papers] Professeth that the gentleman was wrong’d, And that the gentlewoman was brought thither, Forc’d by her husband, and there left. Volt. Most true. Cel. How ready is heaven to those that pray! 1 Avoc. But that5 Volpone would have ravish’d her, he holds Utterly false, knowing his impotence. Corv. Grave fathers, he’s possest; again, I say, Possest: nay, if there be possession, and Obsession, he has both. 3 Avoc. Here comes our officer.10

Volp. The parasite will straight be here, grave fathers. 4 Avoc. You might invent some other name, sir varlet. 3 Avoc. Did not the notary meet him? Volp. Not that I know. 4 Avoc. His coming will clear all. 2 Avoc. Yet it is misty. Volt. May’t please your fatherhoods—— Volp. (whispers Volt.) Sir, the parasite15 Will’d me to tell you that his master lives; That you are still the man; your hopes the same; And this was only a jest—— Volt. How? Volp. Sir, to try If you were firm, and how you stood affected. Volt. Art sure he lives? Volp. Do I live, sir? Volt. O me! I was too violent. Volp. Sir, you may redeem it.21 They said you were possest; fall down, and seem so: I’ll help to make it good. (Voltore falls.) God bless the man!—— Stop your wind hard, and swell—See, see, see, see! He vomits crooked pins! His eyes are set,25 Like a dead hare’s hung in a poulter’s shop! His mouth’s running away! Do you see, signior? Now it is in his belly. Corv. Ay, the devil! Volp. Now in his throat. Corv. Ay, I perceive it plain. Volp. ’T will out, ’t will out! stand clear. See where it flies,30 In shape of a blue toad, with a bat’s wings! Do you not see it, sir? Corb. What? I think I do. Corv. ’T is too manifest. Volp. Look! he comes t’ himself! Volt. Where am I? Volp. Take good heart, the worst is past, sir. You’re dispossest. 1 Avoc. What accident is this!35 2 Avoc. Sudden and full of wonder! 3 Avoc. If he were Possest, as it appears, all this is nothing. Corv. He has been often subject to these fits. 1 Avoc. Show him that writing:—do you know it, sir? Volp. (whispers Volt.) Deny it, sir, forswear it: know it not.40 Volt. Yes, I do know it well, it is my hand; But all that it contains is false. Bon. O practice![1744] 2 Avoc. What maze is this! 1 Avoc. Is he not guilty then, Whom you there name the parsite? Volt. Grave fathers, No more than his good patron, old Volpone.45 4 Avoc. Why, he is dead. Volt. O no, my honour’d fathers, He lives—— 1 Avoc. How! lives? Volt. Lives. 2 Avoc. This is subtler yet! 3 Avoc. You said he was dead. Volt. Never. 3 Avoc. You said so. Corv. I heard so. 4 Avoc. Here comes the gentleman; make him way.

3 Avoc. A stool. 4 Avoc. [Aside.] A proper man; and were Volpone dead,50 A fit match for my daughter. 3 Avoc. Give him way. Volp. [Aside to Mos.] Mosca, I was a’most lost; the advocate Had betray’d all; but now it is recover’d; All’s on the hinge again——Say I am living. Mos. What busy knave is this!—Most reverend fathers,55 I sooner had attended your grave pleasures, But that my order for the funeral Of my dear patron did require me—— Volp. [Aside.] Mosca! Mos. Whom I intend to bury like a gentleman. Volp. [Aside.] Ay, quick, and cozen me of all. 2 Avoc. Still stranger!60 More intricate! 1 Avoc. And come about again! 4 Avoc. [Aside.] It is a match, my daughter is bestow’d. Mos. [Aside to Volp.] Will you gi’ me half? Volp. First I’ll be hang’d. Mos. I know Your voice is good, cry not so loud. 1 Avoc. Demand The advocate.—Sir, did you not affirm65 Volpone was alive? Volp. Yes, and he is; This gent’man told me so.—[Aside to Mos.] Thou shalt have half. Mos. Whose drunkard is this same? Speak, some that know him: I never saw his face.—[Aside to Volp.] I cannot now Afford it you so cheap. Volp. No! 1 Avoc. What say you?70 Volt. The officer told me. Volp. I did, grave fathers, And will maintain he lives, with mine own life, And that this creature [points to Mos.] told me. [Aside.]—I was born With all good stars my enemies. Mos. Most grave fathers, If such an insolence as this must pass75 Upon me, I am silent: ’t was not this For which you sent, I hope. 2 Avoc. Take him away. Volp. Mosca! 3 Avoc. Let him be whipt. Volp. Wilt thou betray me? Cozen me? 3 Avoc. And taught to bear himself Toward a person of his rank. 4 Avoc. Away.80 [The Officers seize Volpone.] Mos. I humbly thank your fatherhoods. Volp. Soft, soft: [Aside.] Whipt! And lose all that I have! If I confess, It cannot be much more. 4 Avoc. Sir, are you married? Volp. They’ll be alli’d anon; I must be resolute;84 The Fox shall here uncase. Puts off his disguise. Mos. Patron! Volp. Nay, now My ruin shall not come alone; your match I’ll hinder sure: my substance shall not glue you, Nor screw you into a family. Mos. Why, patron! Volp. I am Volpone, and this is my knave; [Pointing to Mosca.] This [to Volt.], his own knave; this [to Corb.], avarice’s fool;90 This [to Corv.], a chimera of wittol, fool, and knave: And, reverend fathers, since we all can hope Nought but a sentence, let’s not now despair it. You hear me brief. Corv. May it please your fatherhoods—— Com. Silence.94 1 Avoc. The knot is now undone by miracle. 2 Avoc. Nothing can be more clear. 3 Avoc. Or can more prove These innocent. 1 Avoc. Give ’em their liberty. Bon. Heaven could not long let such gross crimes be hid. 2 Avoc. If this be held the highway to get riches,99 May I be poor! 3 Avoc. This’s not the gain, but torment. 1 Avoc. These possess wealth, as sick men possess fevers, Which trulier may be said to possess them. 2 Avoc. Disrobe that parasite. Corv. Mos. Most honour’d fathers—— 1 Avoc. Can you plead aught to stay the course of justice?104 If you can, speak. Corv. Volt. We beg favour. Cel. And mercy. 1 Avoc. You hurt your innocence, suing for the guilty. Stand forth; and first the parasite. You appear T’ have been the chiefest minister, if not plotter, In all these lewd impostures, and now, lastly, Have with your impudence abus’d[1745] the court, And habit of a gentleman of Venice,111 Being a fellow of no birth or blood: For which our sentence is, first, thou be whipt; Then live perpetual prisoner in our galleys.114 Volp. I thank you for him. Mos. Bane to thy-wolfish nature! 1 Avoc. Deliver him to the saffi.[1746] [Mosca is carried out.] Thou, Volpone, By blood and rank a gentleman, canst not fall Under like censure; but our judgment on thee Is, that thy substance all be straight confiscate To the hospital of the Incurabili:120 And since the most was gotten by imposture, By feigning lame, gout, palsy, and such diseases, Thou art to lie in prison, cramp’d with irons, Till thou be’st sick and lame indeed. Remove him. [He is taken from the Bar.] Volp. This is called mortifying of a Fox.125 1 Avoc. Thou, Voltore, to take away the scandal Thou hast giv’n all worthy men of thy profession, Art banish’d from their fellowship, and our state. Corbaccio!—bring him near. We here possess Thy son of all thy state, and confine thee130 To the monastery of San Spirito; Where, since thou knew’st not how to live well here, Thou shalt be learn’d to die well. Corb. Ha! what said he? Com. You shall know anon, sir. 1 Avoc. Thou, Corvino, shalt Be straight embark’d from thine own house, and row’d135 Round about Venice, through the Grand Canal, Wearing a cap, with fair long ass’s ears, Instead of horns! and so to mount, a paper Pinn’d on thy breast, to the Berlina.[1747] Corv. Yes,139 And have mine eyes beat out with stinking fish, Bruis’d fruit, and rotten eggs—’t is well. I ’m glad I shall not see my shame yet. 1 Avoc. And to expiate Thy wrongs done to thy wife, thou art to send her Home to her father, with her dowry trebled: And these are all your judgments. All. Honour’d fathers——145 1 Avoc. Which may not be revok’d. Now you begin, When crimes are done and past, and to be punish’d, To think what your crimes are. Away with them! Let all that see these vices thus rewarded, Take heart, and love to study ’em. Mischiefs feed150 Like beasts, till they be fat, and then they bleed. [Exeunt.]

“The seasoning of a play is the applause. Now, though the Fox be punish’d by the laws, He yet doth hope, there is no suff’ring due,155 For any fact[1748] which he hath done ’gainst you; If there be, censure him; here he doubtful stands: If not, fare jovially, and clap your hands.” [Exit.]