Act 1 — [Scene III.][3803]
Reading edition
[Scene III.][3803]
Enter at several doors, old Lucre and old Hoard; [Lamprey, Spichcock, Freedom, and Moneylove.] gentlemen coming between them to pacify them.
Lam. Nay, good Master Lucre, and you, Master Hoard, anger is the wind which you’re both too much troubled withal.
Hoa. Shall my adversary thus daily affront me? ripping up the old wound of our malice,5 which three summers could not close up? into which wound the very sight of him drops scalding lead instead of balsamum.
Luc. Why, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard! may I not pass in the state of quietness10 to mine own house? Answer me to that, before witness, and why? I ’ll refer the cause to honest, even-minded gentlemen, or require the mere indifferences[3804] of the law to decide this matter. I got the purchase,[3805] true: was ’t15 not any man’s case? Yes. Will a wise man stand as a bawd, whilst another wipes his nose[3806] of the bargain? No: I answer no in that case.
Lam. Nay, sweet Master Lucre.
Hoa. Was it the part of a friend—no,20 rather of a Jew;—mark what I say—when I had beaten the bush to the last bird, or, as I may term it, the price to a pound, then, like a cunning usurer, to come in the evening of the bargain, and glean all my hopes in a minute?25 to enter, as it were, at the back door of the purchase? for thou ne’er camest the right way by it.
Luc. Hast thou the conscience to tell me so without any impeachment to thyself?30
Hoa. Thou that canst defeat thy own nephew, Lucre, lap his lands into bonds, and take the extremity of thy kindred’s forfeitures, because he ’s a rioter, a wastethrift, a brothel-master, and so forth,—what may a stranger expect35 from thee but vulnera dilacerata, as the poet says, dilacerate dealing?
Luc. Upbraidest thou me with nephew? Is all imputation laid upon me? What acquaintance have I with his follies? If he riot, ’t is40 he must want it; if he surfeit, ’t is he must feel it; if he drab it, ’t is he must lie by ’t: what ’s this to me?
Hoa. What ’s all to thee? Nothing, nothing; such is the gulf of thy desire and the wolf of45 thy conscience: but be assured, old Pecunius Lucre, if ever fortune so bless me that I may be at leisure to vex thee, or any means so favour me that I may have opportunity to mad thee,[3807] I will pursue it with that flame of hate,50 spirit of malice, unrepressed wrath, that I will blast thy comforts.
Luc. Ha, ha, ha!
Lam. Nay, Master Hoard, you ’re a wise gentleman——55
Hoa. I will so cross thee——
Luc. And I thee.
Hoa. So without mercy fret thee——
Luc. So monstrously oppose thee——
Hoa. Dost scoff at my just anger? O, that60 I had as much power as usury has over thee!
Luc. Then thou wouldst have as much power as the devil has over thee.
Hoa. Toad!
Luc. Aspic![3808]65
Hoa. Serpent!
Luc. Viper!
Spi. Nay, gentlemen, then we must divide you perforce.
Lam. When the fire grows too unreasonable70 hot, there ’s no better way than to take off the wood.
Exeunt [Lamprey and Spichcock, drawing off Lucre and Hoard different ways].
Free. A word, good signior.
Mon. How now, what ’s the news?
Free. ’T is given me to understand that75 you are a rival of mine in the love of Mistress Joyce, Master Hoard’s niece: say me ay, say me no?
Mon. Yes, ’t is so.
Free. Then look to yourself, you cannot80 live long. I’m practising every morning; a month hence I ’ll challenge you.
Mon. Give me your hand upon ’t; there ’s my pledge I ’ll meet you.
Strikes him, and exit.
Free. O, O! what reason had you for that, sir, to strike before the month? You knew86 I was not ready for you, and that made you so crank:[3809] I am not such a coward to strike again, I warrant you. My ear has the law of her side, for it burns horribly. I will teach him to strike a naked face, the longest day of his life.91 ’Slid, it shall cost me some money but I ’ll bring this box into the chancery.
Exit.