Act 4 — Scene X.[1327]

Know. Oh, here it is; I am glad I have found it now; Ho! who is within here? Tib. [within.] I am within, sir? What’s your pleasure? Know. To know who is within besides yourself. Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Know. O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt not6 You have some guests within deserve that fear. I’ll fetch him straight. [Enter Tib.] O’ God’s name, sir! Know. Go to; come tell me, is not young Knowell here? Tib. Young Knowell! I know none such, sir, o’ mine honesty.10 Know. Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable. Tib. The constable! the man is mad, I think. [Exit, and claps to the door.]

Cash. Ho! who keeps house here? Know. O, this is the female copesmate[1328] of my son:15 Now shall I meet him straight. Dame K. Knock, Thomas, hard. Cash. Ho, goodwife!

Tib. Why, what’s the matter with you? Dame K. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope your door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Tib. What mean these questions, pray ye?20 Dame K. So strange you make it! Is not my husband here? Know. Her husband! Dame K. My tried husband, master Kitely? Tib. I hope he needs not to be tried here. Dame K. No, dame, he does it not for need, but pleasure.24 Tib. Neither for need nor pleasure is he here. Know. This is but a device to balk me withal: [Enter Kitely, muffled in his cloak.] Soft, who is this? ’Tis not my son disguis’d? Dame K. (spies her husband come, and runs to him.) O, sir, have I forestall’d your honest market? Found your close[1329] walks? You stand amaz’d now, do you?29 I’ faith, I am glad I have smokt[1330] you yet at last. What is your jewel, trow? In, come, let’s see her; Fetch forth your huswife, dame; if she be fairer, In any honest judgment, than myself, I’ll be content with it: but she is change, She feeds you fat, she soothes your appetite,35 And you are well! Your wife, an honest woman, Is meat twice sod[1331] to you, sir! O, you treachour![1332] Know. She cannot counterfeit thus palpably. Kit. Out on thy more than strumpet’s impudence! Steal’st thou thus to thy haunts? and have I taken40 Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, (pointing to old Knowell) This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, Close at your villainy, and would’st thou ’scuse it With this stale harlot’s jest, accusing me? O, old incontinent (to Knowell), dost thou not shame,45 When all thy powers in chastity is spent, To have a mind so hot, and to entice, And feed th’ enticements of a lustful woman? Dame K. Out, I defy thee, I, dissembling wretch! Kit. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander[1333] here,50 Can he deny it; or that wicked elder? Know. Why, hear you, sir. Kit. Tut, tut, tut; never speak: Thy guilty conscience will discover thee. Know. What lunacy is this, that haunts this man? Kit. Well, good wife BA’D,[1334] Cob’s wife, and you,55 That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy;[1335] And you, young apple-squire, and old cuckold-maker; I’ll ha’ you every one before a justice: Nay, you shall answer it, I charge you go. Know. Marry, with all my heart, sir, I go willingly;60 Though I do taste this as a trick put on me, To punish my impertinent search, and justly, And half forgive my son for the device. Kit. Come, will you go? Dame K. Go! to thy shame believe it.

Cob. Why, what’s the matter here, what’s here to do?65 Kit. O, Cob, art thou come? I have been abus’d, And i’ thy house; was never man so wrong’d! Cob. ’Slid, in my house, my master Kitely! Who wrongs you in my house? Kit. Marry, young lust in old, and old in young here:70 Thy wife’s their bawd, here have I taken ’em.

Know. Friend, know some cause, before thou beat’st thy wife. This ’s madness in thee. Cob. Why, is there no cause? Kit. Yes, I’ll shew cause before the justice, Cob: Come, let her go with me. Cob. Nay, she shall go.