Act 3 — Scene III.[2725]
Reading edition
Scene III.[2725]
Enter Count Celso.
Celso. My honour’d lord—, Mal. Celso, peace! how is ’t? Speak low: pale fears Suspect that hedges, walls, and trees, have ears: Speak, how runs all? Celso. I’ faith, my lord, that beast with many heads,5 The staggering multitude, recoils apace: Though thorough great men’s envy, most men’s malice, Their much-intemperate heat hath banish’d you, Yet now they find envy and malice ne’er Produce faint reformation.10 The duke, the too soft duke, lies as a block, For which two tugging factions seem to saw; But still the iron through the ribs they draw. Mal. I tell thee, Celso, I have ever found Thy breast most far from shifting cowardice15 And fearful baseness: therefore I’ll tell thee, Celso, I find the wind begins to come about; I’ll shift my suit of fortune. I know the Florentine, whose only force,[2726] By marrying his proud daughter to this prince,20 Both banish’d me and made this weak lord duke, Will now forsake them all; be sure he will. I’ll lie in ambush for conveniency, Upon their severance to confirm myself. Celso. Is Ferneze interr’d?25 Mal. Of that at leisure: he lives. Celso. But how stands Mendoza? How is ’t with him? Mal. Faith, like a pair of snuffers, snibs filth in other men, and retains it in himself.30 Celso. He does fly from public notice, methinks, as a hare does from hounds; the feet whereon he flies betray him. Mal. I can track him, Celso. O, my disguise fools him most powerfully!35 For that I seem a desperate malcontent, He fain would clasp with me: he’s the true slave That will put on the most affected grace For some vile second cause.
Enter Mendoza.
Celso. He’s here. 40
Mal. Give place. Exit Celso. Illo, ho, ho, ho! art there, old truepenny? Where hast thou spent thyself this morning? I see flattery in thine eyes, and damnation in thy soul. Ha, ye huge rascal!45 Men. Thou art very merry. Mal. As a scholar, futuens gratis. How does the devil go with thee now? Men. Malevole, thou art an arrant knave. Mal. Who, I? I have been a sergeant,50 man. Men. Thou art very poor. Mal. As Job, an alchymist, or a poet. Men. The duke hates thee. Mal. As Irishmen do bum-cracks.55 Men. Thou hast lost his amity. Mal. As pleasing as maids lose their virginity.
Men. Would thou wert of a lusty spirit! Would thou wert noble!60
Mal. Why, sure my blood gives me I am noble, sure I am of noble kind; for I find myself possessed with all their qualities;—love dogs, dice, and drabs, scorn wit in stuff-clothes; have beat my shoemaker, knocked my seamstress, 65 cuckold[ed] my ’pothecary, and undone my tailor. Noble! why not? since the stoic[2727] said, Neminem servum non ex regibus, neminem regem non ex servis esse oriundum; only busy Fortune touses, and the provident Chances 70 blend them together. I’ll give you a simile: did you e’er see a well with two buckets, whilst one comes up full to be emptied, another goes down empty to be filled? Such is the state of all humanity. Why, look you, I may75 be the son of some duke; for, believe me, intemperate lascivious bastardy makes nobility doubtful: I have a lusty daring heart, Mendoza.79
Men. Let’s grasp; I do like thee infinitely. Wilt enact one thing for me?
Mal. Shall I get by it? (Men. gives him his purse.) Command me; I am thy slave, beyond death and hell.
Men. Murder the duke.85
Mal. My heart’s wish, my soul’s desire, my fantasy’s dream, my blood’s longing, the only height of my hopes! How, O God, how! O, how my united spirits throng together, to strengthen my resolve!90
Men. The duke is now a-hunting.
Mal. Excellent, admirable, as the devil would have it! Lend me, lend me, rapier, pistol, cross-bow: so, so, I’ll do it.
Men. Then we agree.95
Mal. As Lent and fishmongers. Come, a-cap-a-pe, how? Inform.
Men. Know that this weak-brain’d duke, who only stands On Florence’ stilts, hath out of witless zeal Made me his heir, and secretly confirm’d100 The wreath to me after his life’s full point. Mal. Upon what merit? Men. Merit! by heaven, I horn him. Only Ferneze’s death gave me state’s life. Tut, we are politic, he must not live now.104 Mal. No reason, marry: but how must he die now?
Men. My utmost project is to murder the duke, that I might have his state, because he makes me his heir; to banish the duchess, that I might be rid of a cunning Lacedaemonian,110 because I know Florence will forsake her; and then to marry Maria, the banished Duke Altofront’s wife, that her friends might strengthen me and my faction: that is all, la.115
Mal. Do you love Maria?
Men. Faith, no great affection, but as wise men do love great women, to ennoble their blood and augment revenue. To accomplish this now, thus now. The duke is in the forest, next the sea:120 single him, kill him, hurl him i’ the main, and proclaim thou sawest wolves eat him.
Mal. Um! Not so good. Methinks when he is slain, To get some hypocrite, some dangerous wretch That’s muffled o(’e)r with feigned holiness,125 To swear he heard the duke on some steep cliff Lament his wife’s dishonour, and, in an agony Of his heart’s torture, hurl’d his groaning sides Into the swollen sea,—this circumstance Well made sounds probable: and hereupon130 The duchess—— Men. May well be banish’d; O unpeerable invention! rare! Thou god of policy! it honeys me. Mal. Then fear not for the wife of Altofront; I’ll close to her.135 Men. Thou shalt, thou shalt. Our excellency is pleas’d: Why wert not thou an emperor? When we Are duke, I’ll make thee some great man, sure. Mal. Nay. Make me some rich knave, and I’ll make myself Some great man. Men. In thee be all my spirit:140 Retain ten souls, unite thy virtual powers: Resolve; ha, remember greatness! Heart, farewell; The fate of all my hopes in thee doth dwell. [Exit.]
Re-enter Celso.
Mal. Celso, didst hear?—O heaven, didst hear Such devilish mischief? Suffer’st thou the world145 Carouse damnation even with greedy swallow, And still dost wink, still does thy vengeance slumber? If now thy brows are clear, when will they thunder? Exeunt.