Act 5 — EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR
Reading edition
BY BEN JONSON
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
Knowell, an old Gentleman.
Edward Knowell, his Son.
Brainworm, the Father’s Man.
[George] Downright, a plain Squire.
Wellbred, his Half-Brother.
Kitely, a Merchant.
Captain Bobadill, a Paul’s Man.[1107]
Master Stephen, a Country Gull.
Master Mathew, the Town Gull.
[Thomas] Cash, Kitely’s Man.
[Oliver] Cob, a Water-bearer.
Justice Clement, an old merry Magistrate.
Roger Formal, his Clerk.
[Wellbred’s Servant.]
Dame Kitely, Kitely’s Wife.
Mistress Bridget, his Sister.
Tib, Cob’s Wife.
[Servants, etc.]
Scene.—London.
PROLOGUE
Though need make many poets, and some such As art and nature have not better’d much; Yet ours for want hath not so lov’d the stage, As he dare serve th’ ill customs of the age, Or purchase your delight at such a rate,5 As, for it, he himself must justly hate: To make a child now swaddled, to proceed Man, and then shoot up, in one beard and weed, Past threescore years; or, with three rusty swords, And help of some few foot-and-half-foot words,10 Fight over York and Lancaster’s long jars, And in the tyring-house[1108] bring wounds to scars. He rather prays you will be pleas’d to see One such to-day, as other plays should be; Where neither chorus wafts you o’er the seas,15 Nor creaking throne comes down the boys to please; Nor nimble squib is seen to make afeard The gentlewomen; nor roll’d bullet heard To Bay, it thunders; nor tempestuous drum Rumbles, to tell you when the storm doth come;20 But deeds, and language, such as men do use, And persons, such as comedy would choose, When she would shew an image of the tunes, And sport with human follies, not with crimes; Except we make ’em such, by loving still25 Our popular errors, when we know they’re ill. I mean such errors as you’ll all confess, By laughing at them, they deserve no less: Which when you heartily do, there’s hope left then, You, that have so grac’d monsters, may like men.30