Act 5 — [Scene Ia.[2761]

[Scene Ia.[2761]

Enter Bilioso and Passarello.

Bil. Fool, how dost thou like my calf in a long stocking?

Pass. An excellent calf, my lord.

Bil. This calf hath been a reveller this twenty year. When Monsieur Gundi lay here ambassador,5 I could have carried a lady up and down at arm’s end in a platter; and I can tell you, there were those at that time who, to try the strength of a man’s back and his arm, would be coistered.[2762] I have measured calves with10 most of the palace, and they come nothing near me; besides, I think there be not many armours in the arsenal will fit me, especially for the headpiece. I’ll tell thee—

Pass. What, my lord?15

Bil. I can eat stewed broth as it comes seething off the fire; or a custard as it comes reeking out of the oven; and I think there are not many lords can do it. A good pomander,[2763] a little decayed in the scent; but six grains of musk,20 ground with rose-water, and tempered with a little civet, shall fetch her again presently.

Pass. O, ay, as a bawd with aqua-vitae.

Bil. And, what, dost thou rail upon the ladies as thou wert wont?25

Pass. I were better roast a live cat, and might do it with more safety. I am as secret to [the] thieves as their painting. There ’s Maquerelle, oldest bawd and a perpetual beggar—did you never hear of her trick to be known in the30 city?

Bil. Never.

Pass. Why, she gets all the picture-makers to draw her picture; when they have done, she most courtly finds fault with them one after35 another, and never fetcheth them. They, in revenge of this, execute her in pictures as they do in Germany, and hang her in their shops. By this means is she better known to the stinkards[2764] than if she had been five times carted.40

Bil. ’Fore God, an excellent policy.

Pass. Are there any revels to-night, my lord?

Bil. Yes.

Pass. Good my lord, give me leave to break a fellow’s pate that hath abused me.45

Bil. Whose pate?

Pass. Young Ferrardo, my lord.

Bil. Take heed, he’s very valiant; I have known him fight eight quarrels in five days, believe it.50

Pass. O, is he so great a quarreller? Why, then, he’s an arrant coward.

Bil. How prove you that?

Pass. Why, thus. He that quarrels seeks to fight; and he that seeks to fight seeks to55 die; and he that seeks to die seeks never to fight more; and he that will quarrel, and seeks means never to answer a man more, I think he ’s a coward.

Bil. Thou canst prove anything.60

Pass. Anything but a rich knave; for I can flatter no man.

Bil. Well, be not drunk, good fool: I shall see you anon in the presence.

Exeunt.]