Act 1 — [Scene IV.][2999]

[Scene IV.][2999]

Enter Jasper and his mother, Mistress Merrythought.

Mist Mer. Give thee my blessing? No, I’ll ne’er give thee my blessing; I’ll see thee hang’d first; it shall ne’er be said I gave thee my blessing. Th’ art thy father’s own son, of the right blood of the Merrythoughts. I may 5 curse the time that e’er I knew thy father; he hath spent all his own and mine too; and when I tell him of it, he laughs, and dances, and sings, and cries, “A merry heart lives long-a.” And thou art a wastethrift, and art run 10 away from thy master that lov’d thee well, and art come to me; and I have laid up a little for my younger son Michael, and thou think’st to bezzle[3000] that, but thou shalt never be able to do it.—Come hither, Michael! 15

Enter Michael.

Come, Michael, down on thy knees; thou shalt have my blessing.

Mich. [kneels.] I pray you, mother, pray to God to bless me.

Mist. Mer. God bless thee! but Jasper shall 20 never have my blessing; he shall be hang’d first; shall he not, Michael? How sayst thou?

Mich. Yes, forsooth, mother, and grace of God.

Mist. Mer. That’s a good boy! 25

Wife. I’ faith, it’s a fine spoken child.

Wife. Ungracious child, I warrant him; hark, how he chops logic with his mother!— Thou hadst best tell her she lies; do, tell her she lies.

Cit. If he were my son, I would hang him 35 up by the heels, and flay him, and salt him, whoreson haltersack.[3001]

Mist. Mer. I’ faith, I had sorrow enough 45 for thee, God knows; but I’ll hamper thee well enough. Get thee in, thou vagabond, get thee in, and learn of thy brother Michael.

[Exeunt Jasper and Michael.]

Mer. (within.)

Mist. Mer. Hark, my husband! he’s singing and hoiting; and I’m fain to cark[3002] and care, and all little enough.—Husband! Charles! Charles Merrythought!

Enter old Merrythought.

Mer. [sings.]

Mist. Mer. If you would consider your state, you would have little list to sing, i-wis.[3003]

Mer. It should never be considered, while it were an estate, if I thought it would spoil 60 my singing.

Mist. Mer. But how wilt thou do, Charles? Thou art an old man, and thou canst not work, and thou hast not forty shillings left, and thou eatest good meat, and drinkest good drink, 65 and laughest.

Mer. And will do.

Mist. Mer. But how wilt thou come by it, Charles?

Mer. How! why, how have I done hitherto 70 this forty years? I never came into my dining room, but, at eleven and six o’clock,[3004] I found excellent meat and drink a’ th’ table; my clothes were never worn out, but next morning a tailor brought me a new suit: and without 75 question it will be so ever; use makes perfectness. If all should fail, it is but a little straining myself extraordinary, and laugh myself to death.

Wife. It’s a foolish old man this; is not 80 he, George?

Cit. Yes, cony.

Wife. Give me a penny i’ th’ purse while I live, George.

Cit. Ay, by lady, cony, hold thee there.[3005] 85

Mist. Mer. Well, Charles; you promis’d to provide for Jasper, and I have laid up for Michael. I pray you, pay Jasper his portion: he’s come home, and he shall not consume Michael’s stock; he says his master turn’d him away, 90 but, I promise you truly, I think he ran away.

Wife. No, indeed. Mistress Merrythought; though he be a notable gallows,[3006] yet I’ll assure you his master did turn him away, even in this place; ’t was, i’ faith, within this half-hour, 95 about his daughter; my husband was by.

Cit. Hang him, rogue! he serv’d him well enough: love his master’s daughter! By my troth, cony, if there were a thousand boys, 100 thou wouldst spoil them all with taking their parts; let his mother alone with him.

Wife. Ay, George; but yet truth is truth.

Mer. Where is Jasper? He’s welcome, however. Call him in; he shall have his portion. 105 Is he merry?

Mist. Mer. Ah, foul chive[3007] him, he is too merry!—Jasper! Michael!

Re-enter Jasper and Michael.

Mer. Welcome, Jasper! though thou run’st away, welcome! God bless thee! ’T is thy 110 mother’s mind thou shouldst receive thy portion; thou hast been abroad, and I hope hast learn’d experience enough to govern it; thou art of sufficient years. Hold thy hand—one, two, three, four five, six, seven, eight, nine,115 there ’s ten shillings for thee. [Gives money.] Thrust thyself into the world with that, and take some settled course. If fortune cross thee, thou hast a retiring place; come home to me; I have twenty shillings left. Be a good husband;[3008]120 that is, wear ordinary clothes, eat the best meat, and drink the best drink; be merry, and give to the poor, and, believe me, thou hast no end of thy goods.

Mist. Mer. So, Michael, now get thee gone too.135

Mich. Yes, forsooth, mother; but I’ll have my father’s blessing first.

Mist. Mer. No, Michael; ’t is no matter for his blessing; thou hast my blessing; begone. I’ll fetch my money and jewels, and follow140 thee; I’ll stay no longer with him, I warrant thee. [Exit Michael.]—Truly, Charles, I’ll be gone too.

Mer. What! you will not?

Mist. Mer. Yes, indeed will I.145

Mer. [sings.]

Mist. Mer. You shall not think, when all your own is gone, to spend that I have been scraping up for Michael.150

Mer. Farewell, good wife; I expect it not: all I have to do in this world, is to be merry; which I shall, if the ground be not taken from me; and if it be,

[Sings.]

Wife. I’ll be sworn he’s a merry old gentleman for all that. (Music.) Hark, hark, husband, hark! fiddles, fiddles! now surely they go finely. They say ’t is present death for these160 fiddlers, to tune their rebecks[3009] before the great Turk’s grace; it ’s not. George? (Boy danceth.) But, look, look! here’s a youth dances! —Now, good youth, do a turn a’ th’ toe.—Sweetheart, i’ faith, I’ll have Ralph165 come and do some of his gambols.—He’ll ride the wild mare[3010] gentlemen, ’t would do your hearts good to see him.—I thank you, kind youth; pray, bid Ralph come.169

Cit. Peace, cony!—Sirrah, you scurvy boy, bid the players send Ralph; or, by God’s——[3011] an they do not, I’ll tear some of their periwigs beside their heads: this is all riff-raff.

[Exit Boy.]