Act 5 — [Scene II.][4398]

Ant. Placentia, we two are only left Of all my lady’s servants; let us be true To her, and one another; and be sure, When we are at prayers, to curse the Cardinal. Pla. I pity my sweet lady.5 Ant. I pity her too, but am a little angry; She might have found another time to lose Her wits. Pla. That I were a man! Ant. What would’st thou do, Placentia?10 Pla. I would revenge my lady. Ant. ’T is better, being a woman; thou may’st do Things that may prosper better, and the fruit Be thy own another day. Pla. Your wit still loves To play the wanton. Ant. ’T is a sad time, Placentia;15 Some pleasure would do well: the truth is, I Am weary of my life, and I would have One fit of mirth before I leave the world. Pla. Do not you blush to talk thus wildly? Ant. ’T is good manners20 To be a little mad after my lady; But I ha’ done. Who is with her now? Pla. Madam Valeria. Ant. Not Celinda? There’s a lady for my humour! A pretty book of flesh and blood, and well25 Bound up, in a fair letter too. Would I Had her with all the errata! Pla. She has not An honourable fame. Ant. Her fame! that’s nothing; A little stain; her wealth will fetch again The colour, and bring honour into her cheeks30 As fresh;— If she were mine, and I had her exchequer, I know the way to make her honest; Honest to th’ touch, the test, and the last trial. Pla. How, prithee?35 Ant. Why, First I would marry her, that’s a verb material; Then I would print her with an index Expurgatorius; a table drawn Of her court heresies; and when she’s read,40 Cum privilegio, who dares call her whore? Pla. I’ll leave you, if you talk thus. Ant. I ha’ done; Placentia, thon may’st be better company After another progress; and now tell me, Didst ever hear of such a patient madness45 As my lady is possest with? She has rav’d But twice:—an she would fright the Cardinal, Or at a supper if she did but poison him, It were a frenzy I could bear withal. She calls him her dear governor.—

Pla. Who is this?50 Her. Her secretary!—Sir, Here is a letter, if it may have so Much happiness to kiss her grace’s hand. Ant. From whom? Her. That’s not in your commission, sir, To ask, or mine to satisfy; she will want55 No understanding when she reads. Ant. Alas! Under your favour, sir, you are mistaken; Her grace did never more want understanding. Her. How? Ant. Have you not heard? Her skull is broken, sir,60 And many pieces taken out; she’s mad. Her. The sad fame of her distraction Has too much truth, it seems. Pla. If please you, sir, To expect awhile, I will present the letter. Her. Pray do.—65 Exit Placentia. How long has she been thus distemper’d, sir? Ant. Before the Cardinal came to govern here, Who, for that reason, by the king was made Her guardian. We are now at his devotion. Her. A lamb given up to a tiger! May diseases70 Soon eat him through his heart! Ant. Your pardon, sir. I love that voice; I know it too a little. Are not you—be not angry, noble sir, I can with ease be ignorant again, And think you are another man; but if75 You be that valiant gentleman they call— Her. Whom? what? Ant. That kill’d—I would not name him, if I thought You were not pleas’d to be that very gentleman. Her. Am I betray’d? Ant. The devil sha’ not80 Betray you here: kill me, and I will take My death you are the noble colonel. We are all bound to you for the general’s death, Valiant Hernando! When my lady knows You are here, I hope ’t will fetch her wits, again.85 But do not talk too loud; we are not all Honest[4399] i’ th’ house; some are the Cardinal’s creatures. Her. Thou wert faithful to thy lady. I am glad ’T is night. But tell me how the churchman uses The duchess.90

Ant. He carries angels in his tongue and face, but I Suspect his heart: this is one of his spawns.— Signor Antonelli. Anton. Honest Antonio! Ant. And how, and how—a friend of mine—where is95 The Cardinal’s grace? Her. [Aside.] That will be never answered. Anton. He means to sup here with the duchess. Ant. Will he? Anton. We’ll have the charming bottles at my chamber.100 Bring that gentleman; we’ll be mighty merry. Her. [Aside.] I may disturb your jollity. Anton. Farewell, sweet— [Exit.] Ant. Dear Antonelli!—A round pox confound you! This is court rhetoric at the back-stairs.105

Pla. Do you know this gentleman? Ant. Not I. Pla. My lady presently dismist Valeria, And bade me bring him to her bed-chamber. Ant. The gentleman has an honest face. Pla. Her words110 Fell from her with some evenness and joy.— Her grace desires your presence. Her. I’ll attend her. Exit [with Placentia]. Ant. I would this soldier had the Cardinal Upon a promontory, with what a spring The churchman would leap down! It were a spectacle115 Most rare, to see him topple from the precipice, And souse in the salt water with a noise To stun the fishes; and if he fell into A net, what wonder would the simple sea-gulls Have, to draw up the o’ergrown lobster.[4400]120 So ready boil’d! He shall have my good wishes. This colonel’s coming may be lucky; I Will be sure none shall interrupt ’em.

Cel. Is Her grace at opportunity? Ant. No, sweet madam; She is asleep, her gentlewoman says.125 Cel. My business is but visit. I’ll expect.[4401] Ant. That must not be, although I like your company! Cel. You are grown rich, Master Secretary. Ant. I, madam? Alas! Cel. I hear you are upon another purchase.130 Ant. I upon a purchase! Cel. If you want any sum— Ant. If I could purchase your sweet favour, madam. Cel. You shall command me, and my fortune, sir. Ant. [Aside.] How’s this?135 Cel. I have observ’d you, sir, a staid And prudent gentleman—and I shall want— Ant. Not me? Cel. A father for some infant: he has credit I’ th’ world.—[Aside.] I am not the first cast lady140 Has married a secretary. Ant. Shall I wait upon you? Cel. Whither? Ant. Any whither. Cel. I may chance lead you then—145 Ant. I shall be honour’d to obey. My blood Is up, and in this humour I’m for anything. Cel. Well, sir, I’ll try your manhood. Ant. ’Tis my happiness; You cannot please me better. Cel. [Aside.] This was struck I’ the opportunity. Ant. I am made for ever.150 [Exit, following her.]