Act 3 — [Scene III.][3949]

Isa. Why, sirrah, whence have you commission To fetter the doors against me? If you keep me in a cage, pray, whistle to me, Let me be doing something. Lol. You shall be doing, if it please you;5 I ’ll whistle to you, if you ’ll pipe after. Isa. Is it your master’s pleasure, or your own, To keep me in this pinfold? Lol. ’T is for my master’s pleasure, lest being taken in another man’s corn, you might be10 pounded in another place. Isa. ’T is very well, and he ’ll prove very wise. Lol. He says you have company enough in the house, if you please to be sociable, of all sorts of people.15 Isa. Of all sorts? Why, here ’s none but fools and madmen. Lol. Very well: and where will you find any other, if you should go abroad? There ’s my master and I to boot too.20 Isa. Of either sort one, a madman and a fool. Lol. I would ev’n participate of both then if I were as you; I know you’re half mad already, be half foolish too.25 Isa. You’re a brave saucy rascal! Come on, sir, Afford me then the pleasure of your bedlam. You were commending once to-day to me Your last-come lunatic; what a proper[3950] Body there was without brains to guide it,30 And what a pitiful delight appear’d In that defect, as if your wisdom had found A mirth in madness; pray, sir, let me partake, If there be such a pleasure. Lol. If I do not show you the handsomest,35 discreetest madman, one that I may call the understanding madman, then say I am a fool. Isa. Well, a match, I will say so. Lol. When you have had a taste of the madman, you shall, if you please, see Fool’s College,40 o’ th’ [other] side. I seldom lock there; ’t is but shooting a bolt or two, and you are amongst ’em. Exit. Enter presently.—Come on, sir; let me see how handsomely you ’ll behave yourself now.45

Isa. Alack, alack, it is too full of pity To be laught at! How fell he mad? Canst thou tell? Lol. For love, mistress. He was a pretty poet, too, and that set him forwards first;55 the muses then forsook him; he ran mad for a chambermaid, yet she was but a dwarf neither. Fran. Hail, bright Titania! Why stand’st thou idle on these flow’ry banks? Oberon is dancing with his Dryades;60 I ’ll gather daisies, primrose, violets, And bind them in a verse of poesy. Lol. [holding up a whip.] Not too near! You see your danger. Fran. O, hold thy hand, great Diomede!65 Thou feed’st thy horses well, they shall obey thee: Get up, Bucephalus kneels. [Kneels.] Lol. You see how I awe my flock; a shepherd has not his dog at more obedience. Isa. His conscience is unquiet; sure that was70 The cause of this: a proper gentleman! Fran. Come hither, Aesculapius; hide the poison. Lol. Well, ’t is hid. [Hides the whip.] Fran. Didst thou ne’er hear of one Tiresias, A famous poet? Lol. Yes, that kept tame wild geese.75 Fran. That ’s he; I am the man. Lol. No? Fran. Yes; but make no words on ’t. I was a man Seven years ago. Lol. A stripling, I think, you might. Fran. Now I’m a woman, all feminine.80 Lol. I would I might see that! Fran. Juno struck me blind. Lol. I’ll ne’er believe that; for a woman, they say, has an eye more than a man. Fran. I say she struck me blind.85 Lol. And Luna made you mad: you have two trades to beg with. Fran. Luna is now big-bellied, and there ’s room For both of us to ride with Hecate; I’ll drag thee up into her silver sphere,90 And there we’ll kick the dog—and beat the bush— That barks against the witches of the night; The swift lycanthropi[3951] that walks the round, We ’ll tear their wolvish skins, and save the sheep. [Attempts to seize Lollio.] Lol. Is ’t come to this? Nay, then, my95 poison comes forth again. [Showing the whip.] Mad slave, indeed, abuse your keeper! Isa. I prithee, hence with him, now he grows dangerous. Fran. [sings.] Sweet love, pity me, Give me leave to lie with thee.100 Lol. No, I’ll see you wiser first. To your own kennel! Fran. No noise, she sleeps; draw all the curtains round, Let no soft sound molest the pretty soul But love, and love creeps in at a mouse-hole.

Isa. Hark you, your scholars in the upper room Are out of order.125

Ant. ’T is opportuneful now, sweet lady! nay, Cast no amazing eye upon this change. Isa. Ha! Ant. This shape of folly shrouds your dearest love, The truest servant to your powerful beauties, Whose magic had this force thus to transform me.136 Isa. You ’re a fine fool indeed! Ant. O, ’t is not strange! Love has an intellect that runs through all The scrutinous[3954] sciences; and, like a cunning poet, Catches a quantity of every knowledge,140 Yet brings all home into one mystery, Into one secret that he proceeds in. Isa. You ’re a parlous fool. Ant. No danger in me; I bring nought but love And his soft-wounding shafts to strike you with.145 Try but one arrow; if it hurt you, I Will stand you twenty back in recompense. [Kisses her.] Isa. A forward fool too! Ant. This was love’s teaching: A thousand ways he fashion’d out my way, And this I found the safest and the nearest,150 To tread the galaxia to my star. Isa. Profound withal! certain you dream’d of this, Love never taught it waking. Ant. Take no acquaintance Of these outward follies, there ’s within A gentleman that loves you. Isa. When I see him,155 I ’ll speak with him; so, in the meantime, keep Your habit, it becomes you well enough. As you ’re a gentleman, I ’ll not discover you; That ’s all the favour that you must expect.159 When you are weary, you may leave the school, For all this while you have but play’d the fool.

Ant. And must again.—He, he! I thank you, cousin; I ’ll be your valentine to-morrow morning. Lol. How do you like the fool, mistress? Isa. Passing well, sir.165 Lol. Is he not witty, pretty well, for a fool? Isa. If he holds on as he begins, he ’s like To come to something.

Isa. Fie, out again! I had rather you kept Your other posture; you become not your tongue When you speak from[3956] your clothes. Ant. How can he freeze189 Lives near so sweet a warmth? Shall I alone Walk through the orchard of th’ Hesperides, And, cowardly, not dare to pull an apple? Enter Lollio above. This with the red cheeks I must venture for. [Attempts to kiss her.] Isa. Take heed, there ’s giants keep ’em. Lol. [Aside.] How now, fool, are you good at that? Have you read Lipsius?[3957] He ’s past196 Ars Amandi; I believe I must put harder questions to him, I perceive that. Isa. You ’re bold without fear too. Ant. What should I fear, Having all joys about me? Do you smile, And love shall play the wanton on your lip,201 Meet and retire, retire and meet again; Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes I shall behold mine own deformity, And dress myself up fairer. I know this shape Becomes me not, but in those bright mirrors206 I shall array me handsomely. [Cries of madmen are heard within,] some as birds others as beasts. Lol. Cuckoo, cuckoo! Exit [above]. Ant. What are these? Isa. Of fear enough to part us; Yet are they but our schools of lunatics, That act their fantasies in any shapes,210 Suiting their present thoughts: if sad, they cry; If mirth be their conceit, they laugh again: Sometimes they imitate the beasts and birds, Singing or howling, braying, barking; all As their wild fancies prompt ’em.

Isa. Here the restrained current might make breach, Spite of the watchful bankers. Would a woman stray, She need not gad abroad to seek her sin, It would be brought home one ways or [an]other:235 The needle’s point will to the fixed north; Such drawing arctics womens’ beauties are.

Lol. How dost thou, sweet rogue? Isa. How now? Lol. Come, there are degrees; one fool may be better than another.241 Isa. What’s the matter? Lol. Nay, if thou giv’st thy mind to fool’s flesh, have at thee! Isa. You bold slave, you!245 Lol. I could follow now as t’ other fool did: “What should I fear, Having all joys about me? Do you but smile, And love shall play the wanton on your lip,250 Meet and retire, retire and meet again; Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes I shall behold my own deformity, And dress myself up fairer. I know this shape Becomes me not—”255 And so as it follows: but is not this the most foolish way? Come, sweet rogue; kiss me, my little Lacedaemonian; let me feel how thy pulses beat. Thou hast a thing about thee would do a man pleasure, I’ll lay my hand on ’t.261 Isa. Sirrah, no more! I see you have discovered This love’s knight errant, who hath made adventure For purchase of[3958] my love: be silent, mute, Mute as a statue, or his injunction265 For me enjoying, shall be to cut thy throat; I ’ll do it, though for no other purpose; and Be sure he ’ll not refuse it. Lol. My share, that ’s all; I ’ll have my fool’s part with you. Isa. No more! Your master.

Alib. Sweet, how dost thou? Isa. Your bounden servant, sir.270 Alib. Fie, fie, sweetheart, no more of that. Isa. You were best lock me up. Alib. In my arms and bosom, my sweet Isabella, I ’ll lock thee up most nearly.—Lollio, We have employment, we have task in hand. At noble Vermandero’s, our castle’s captain,276 There is a nuptial to be solemnis’d— Beatrice-Joanna, his fair daughter, bride,— For which the gentleman hath bespoke our pains, A mixture of our madmen and our fools,280 To finish, as it were, and make the fag[3959] Of all the revels, the third night from the first; Only an unexpected passage over, To make a frightful pleasure, that is all, But not the all I aim at. Could we so act it, To teach it in a wild distracted measure,286 Though out of form and figure, breaking time’s head, It were no matter, ’t would be heal’d again In one age or other, if not in this: This, this, Lollio, there ’s a good reward begun, And will beget a bounty, be it known.291 Lol. This is easy, sir, I ’ll warrant you: you have about you fools and madmen that can dance very well; and ’t is no wonder, your best dancers are not the wisest men; the reason is, with often jumping they jolt their brains296 down into their feet, that their wits lie more in their heels than in their heads. Alib. Honest Lollio, thou giv’st me a good reason, And a comfort in it. Isa. You ’ve a fine trade on ’t. Madmen and fools are a staple commodity.301 Alib. O wife, we must eat, wear clothes, and live. Just at the lawyer’s haven we arrive, By madmen and by fools we both do thrive. Exeunt.