Act 3 — [Scene II.][2517]
Reading edition
[Scene II.][2517]
Enter Bellafront, and Orlando [disguised as a Serving-man], Matheo [following].
Bell. How now, what ails your master?
Orl. Has taken a younger brother’s purge, forsooth, and that works with him.
Bell. Where is his cloak and rapier?
Orl. He has given up his cloak, and his rapier 5 is bound to the peace. If you look a little higher, you may see that another hath ent’red into hatband for him too. Six and four[2518] have put him into this sweat.
Bell. Where’s all his money? 10
Orl. ’T is put over by exchange; his doublet was going to be translated, but for me. If any man would ha’ lent but half a ducat on his beard, the hair of it had stuft a pair of breeches by this time. I had but one poor penny, and 15 that I was glad to niggle out,[2519] and buy a holly-wand to grace him through the street. As hap was, his boots were on, and them I dustied, to make people think he had been riding, and I had run by him.— 20
Bell. Oh me!——How does my sweet Matheo?
[Matheo comes forward.]
Mat. Oh rogue, of what devilish stuff are these dice made of,—the parings of the devil’s corns of his toes, that they run thus damnably?
Bell. I prithee, vex not. 25
Mat. If any handicraft’s-man was ever suff’red to keep shop in hell, it will be a dice-maker; he’s able to undo more souls than the devil; I play’d with mine own dice, yet lost. Ha’ you any money? 30
Bell. ’Las, I ha’ none.
Mat. Must have money, must have some, must have a cloak, and rapier, and things. Will you go set your lime-twigs, and get me some birds, some money? 35
Bell. What lime-twigs should I set?
Mat. You will not then? Must have cash and pictures, do ye hear, frailty? Shall I walk in a Plymouth cloak,[2520] that ’s to say, like a rogue, in my hose and doublet, and a crabtree cudgel 40 in my hand, and you swim in your satins? Must have money, come!
[Taking off her gown.]
Orl. Is ’t bed-time, master, that you undo my mistress? Bell. Undo me? Yes, yes, at these riflings I Have been too often. Mat. Help to flay, Pacheco.45 Orl. Flaying call you it? Mat. I ’ll pawn you, by th’ lord, to your very eyebrows. Bell. With all my heart, since Heaven will have me poor; As good be drown’d at sea, as drown’d at shore. Orl. Why, hear you, sir? I ’faith, do not make away her gown. 51
Mat. Oh! it’s summer, it’s summer; your only fashion for a woman now is to be light, to be light.
Orl. Why, pray sir, employ some of that 55 money you have of mine.
Mat. Thine? I ’ll starve first, I ’ll beg first; when I touch a penny of that, let these fingers’ ends rot.
Orl. [Aside.] So they may, for that ’s past 60 touching. I saw my twenty pounds fly high.
Mat. Knowest thou never a damn’d broker about the city?
Orl. Damn’d broker? Yes, five hundred.
Mat. The gown stood me in[2521] above twenty 65 ducats; borrow ten of[2522] it. Cannot live without silver.
Orl. I ’ll make what I can of it, sir, I ’ll be your broker,— [Aside] But not your damn’d broker. Oh thou scurvy knave!70 What makes a wife turn whore, but such a slave? Exit [with Bellafront’s gown]. Mat. How now, little chick, what ailest? Weeping for a handful of tailor’s shreds? Pox on them, are there not silks enow at mercer’s? Bell. I care not for gay feathers, I.75 Mat. What dost care for then? Why dost grieve? Bell. Why do I grieve? A thousand sorrows strike At one poor heart, and yet it lives. Matheo, Thou art a gamester; prithee, throw at all,80 Set all upon one cast. We kneel and pray, And struggle for life, yet must be cast away. Meet misery quickly then, split all, sell all, And when thou ’st sold all, spend it; but, I beseech thee, Build not thy mind on me to coin thee more;85 To get it wouldst thou have me play the whore? Mat. ’T was your profession before I married you. Bell. Umh? it was indeed. If all men should be branded For sins long since laid up, who could be saved? The quarter-day ’s at hand, how will you do91 To pay the rent, Matheo?
Mat. Why, do as all of our occupation do against[2523] quarter-days: break up house, remove, shift your lodgings: pox a’ your quarters!95
Enter Lodovico.
Lod. Where ’s this gallant? Mat. Signor Ludovico? how does my little Mirror of Knighthood?[2524] This is kindly done, i’ faith: welcome, by my troth. Lod. And how dost, frolic?—Save you fair lady.—100 Thou lookest smug and bravely, noble Mat. Mat. Drink and feed, laugh and lie warm. Lod. Is this thy wife? Mat. A poor gentlewoman, sir, whom I make use of a’nights.105 Lod. Pay custom to your lips, sweet lady. [Kisses her.] Mat. Borrow some shells[2525] of him.—Some wine, sweetheart. Lod. I ’ll send for ’t then, i ’faith. Mat. You send for ’t!—Some wine, I prithee. Bell. I ha’ no money.110 Mat. ’Sblood, nor I.—What wine love you, signor? Lod. Here! [offering money] or I ’ll not stay, I protest; trouble the gentlewoman too much? Exit Bellafront. And what news flies abroad, Matheo?114 Mat. Troth, none. Oh, signor, we ha’ been merry in our days. Lod. And no doubt shall again. The divine powers never shoot darts at men Mortal, to kill them. Mat. You say true.120 Lod. Why should we grieve at want? Say the world made thee Her minion, that thy head lay in her lap, And that she danc’d thee on her wanton knee, She could but give thee a whole world: that ’s all,124 And that all’s nothing; the world’s greatest part Cannot fill up one corner of thy heart. Say the three corners were all fill’d, alas! Of what art thou possest? A thin blown glass, Such as is by boys puft into the air! Were twenty kingdoms thine, thou ’dst live in care:130 Thou couldst not sleep the better, nor live longer, Nor merrier be, nor healthfuller, nor stronger. If, then, thou want’st, thus make that want thy pleasure, No man wants all things, nor has all in measure.
Mat. I am the most wretched fellow: sure135 some left-handed priest hath christ’ned me. I am so unlucky; I am never out of one puddle or another; still falling.
Re-enter Bellafront [with wine] and Orlando.
Fill out wine to my little finger.—With my heart, i’ faith.140
[Drinks.]
Lod. Thanks, good Matheo. To your own sweet self.
[Drinks.]
Re-enter Orlando.
Orl. All the brokers’ hearts, sir, are made of flint. I can with all my knocking strike but six sparks of fire out of them; here’s six ducats, if you’ll take them.146
Mat. Give me them! [Taking money.] An evil conscience gnaw them all! Moths and plagues hang upon their lousy wardrobes!
Lod. Is this your man, Matheo?150
[Mat.] An old serving-man.
Orl. You may give me t’ other half too, sir; that’s the beggar.
Lod. What hast there,—gold?154
Mat. A sort[2526] of rascals are in my debt, God knows what, and they feed me with bits, with crumbs, a pox choke them.
Lod. A word, Matheo; be not angry with me; Believe it that I know the touch of time,159 And can part copper, though it be gilded o’er, From the true gold: the sails which thou dost spread, Would show well if they were not borrowed. The sound of thy low fortunes drew me hither, I give my self unto thee; prithee, use me, I will bestow on you a suit of satin,165 And all things else to fit a gentleman, Because I love you. Mat. Thanks, good, noble knight! Lod. Call on me when you please; till then farewell. Exit. Mat. Hast angled? Hast cut up this fresh salmon?170 Bell. Wouldst have me be so base? Mat. It’s base to steal, it’s base to be a whore: Thou ’lt be more base, I’ll make thee keep a door.[2527] Exit. Orl. I hope he will not sneak away with all the money, will he?175 Bell. Thou seest he does.
Orl. Nay then, it’s well. I set my brains upon an upright last;[2528] though my wits be old, yet they are like a wither’d pippin, wholesome. Look you, mistress, I told him I had but six180 ducats of the knave broker, but I had eight, and kept these two for you.
Bell. Thou should’st have given him all.
Orl. What, to fly high?
Bell. Like waves, my misery drives on misery.
Exit.
Orl. Sell his wife’s clothes from her back?185 Does any poulterer’s wife pull chickens alive? He riots all abroad, wants all at home: he dices, whores, swaggers, swears, cheats, borrows, pawns. I’ll give him hook and line, a little more for all this;190
Yet sure i ’th’ end he ’ll delude all my hopes,
And show me a French trick danc’d on the ropes.[2529]
Exit. 195