Act 5 — Scene V.[1349]
Reading edition
Scene V.[1349]
To them [enter] E. Knowell, Wellbred, and Bridget.
Who be these? O, the young company; welcome, welcome! Gi’ you joy. Nay, mistress Bridget, blush not; you are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it is come hither afore you. Master bridegroom, I ha’ made your peace, 5 give me your hand: so will I for all the rest ere you forsake my roof.[1352]
E. Know. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir.
Clem. Only these two have so little of man in ’em, they are no part of my care. 11
Wel. Yes, sir, let me pray you for this gentleman, he belongs to my sister the bride.
Clem. In what place, sir?
Wel. Of her delight, sir, below the stairs, 15 and in public: her poet, sir.
Clem. A poet! I will challenge him myself presently at extempore.
Mount up thy Phlegon,[1353] Muse, and testify How Saturn, sitting in an ebon cloud,20 Disrobed his podex, white as ivory, And through the welkin thund’red all aloud.
Wel. He is not for extempore, sir: he is all for the pocket muse; please you command a sight of it. 25
Clem. Yes, yes, search him for a taste of his vein.
[They search Mathew’s pockets.]
Wel. You must not deny the queen’s justice, sir, under a writ o’ rebellion. 29
Clem. What! all this verse? Body o’ me, he carries a whole realm,[1354] a commonwealth of paper in his hose. Let us see some of his subjects.
[Reads.]
Unto the boundless ocean of thy face, Runs this poor river, charg’d with streams of eyes.[1355] How! this is stol’n. 35
E. Know. A parody! a parody! with a kind of miraculous gift, to make it absurder than it was.
Clem. Is all the rest of this batch? Bring me a torch; lay it together, and give fire. 40 Cleanse the air. [Sets the papers on fire.] Here was enough to have infected the whole city, if it had not been taken in time. See, see, how our poet’s glory shines! brighter and brighter! still it increases! O, now it’s at the highest; 45 and now it declines as fast. You may see, sic transit gloria mundi!
Know. There’s an emblem for you, son, and your studies. 49
Clem. Nay, no speech or act of mine be drawn against such as profess it worthily. They are not born every year, as an alderman. There goes more to the making of a good poet, than a sheriff. Master Kitely, you look upon me!—though I live i’ the city here, amongst you, I 55 will do more reverence to him, when I meet him, than I will to the mayor out of his year. But these paper-pedlars! these ink-dabblers! they cannot expect reprehension or reproach; they have it with the fact. 60
E. Know. Sir, you have sav’d me the labour of a defence.[1356]
Clem. It shall be discourse for supper between your father and me, if he dare undertake 64 me. But to dispatch away these: you sign o’ the soldier, and picture o’ the poet, (but both so false, I will not ha’ you hang’d out at my door till midnight,) while we are at supper, you two shall penitently fast it out in my court without; and, if you will, you may pray there 70 that we may be so merry within as to forgive or forget you when we come out. Here’s a third, because we tender your safety, shall watch you, he is provided for the purpose.[1357]—Look to your charge, sir. 75
Step. And what shall I do?
Clem. O! I had lost a sheep an he had not bleated: why, sir, you shall give master Downright his cloak; and I will intreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall 80 have i’ the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here; whom I will intreat first to be reconcil’d; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep ’em so.
Step. I’ll do my best. 85
Cob. Why, now I see thou art honest, Tib, I receive thee as my dear and mortal wife again.
Tib. And I you, as my loving and obedient husband. 90
Clem. Good compliment! It will be their bridal night too. They are married anew. Come, I conjure the rest to put off all discontent. You, master Downright, your anger; you, master Knowell, your cares; Master Kitely and his wife, their jealousy. 96
For, I must tell you both, while that is fed, Horns i’ the mind are worse than o’ the head. Kit. Sir, thus they go from me; kiss me, sweetheart. 100 See what a drove of horns fly in the air, Wing’d with my cleansed and my credulous breath! Watch ’em, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall. See, see! on heads that think they’ve none at all! O, what a plenteous world of this will come!105 When air rains horns, all may be sure of some.[1358] I ha’ learn’d so much verse out of a jealous man’s part in a play.
Clem. ’Tis well, ’tis well! This night we’ll dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. 110 Master bridegroom, take your bride and lead; every one, a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brainworm! to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference: whose adventures this day, when our grandchildren shall 115 hear to be made a fable, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and applause.
[Exeunt.]