Act 3 — Scene II.[1227]

Scene II.[1227]

E. Knowell, Master Stephen, Wellbred, Bobadill, Master Mathew.

[Enter] Brainworm, [disguised as before.]

E. Know. A miracle, cousin; look here, look here!

Step. Oh—God’s lid. By your leave, do you know me, sir?

Brai. Ay, sir, I know you by sight. 5

Step. You sold me a rapier, did you not?

Brai. Yes, marry, did I, sir.

Step. You said it was a Toledo, ha?

Brai. True, I did so.

Step. But it is none. 10

Brai. No, sir, I confess it; it is none.

Step. Do you confess it? Gentlemen, bear witness, he has confest it:—By God’s will, an you had not confest it——

E. Know. Oh, cousin, forbear, forbear! 15

Step. Nay, I have done, cousin.

Wel. Why, you have done like a gentleman; he has confest it, what would you more?

Step. Yet, by his leave, he is a rascal, under his favour, do you see. 20

E. Know. Ay, by his leave, he is, and under favour: a pretty piece of civility! Sirrah, how dost thou like him?

Wel. Oh, it’s a most precious fool, make much on him. I can compare him to nothing 25 more happily than a drum; for every one may play upon him.

E. Know. No, no, a child’s whistle were far the fitter.

Brai. Shall I entreat a word with you? 30

E. Know. With me, sir? You have not another Toledo to sell, ha’ you?

Brai. You are conceited,[1228] sir. Your name is Master Knowell, as I take it?

E. Know. You are i’ the right; you mean 35 not to proceed in the catechism, do you?

Brai. No, sir; I am none of that coat.

E. Know. Of as bare a coat, though. Well, say, sir. 39

Brai. [taking E. Know. aside.] Faith, sir, I am but servant to the drum[1229] extraordinary, and indeed, this smoky varnish being washt off, and three or four patches remov’d, I appear your worship’s in reversion, after the decease of your good father,—Brainworm. 45

E. Know. Brainworm! ’Slight, what breath of a conjurer hath blown thee hither in this shape?

Brai. The breath o’ your letter, sir, this morning; the same that blew you to the Windmill, and your father after you. 51

E. Know. My father!

Brai. Nay, never start, ’tis true; he has follow’d you over the fields by the foot, as you would do a hare i’ the snow. 55

E. Know. Sirrah Wellbred, what shall we do, sirrah? My father is come over after me.

Wel. Thy father! Where is he?

Brai. At justice Clement’s house, in Coleman-street, where he but stays my return; and then—— 61

Wel. Who’s this? Brainworm!

Brai. The same, sir.

Wel. Why how, in the name of wit, com’st thou transmuted thus? 65

Brai. Faith, a device, a device; nay, for the love of reason, gentlemen, and avoiding the danger, stand not here; withdraw, and I’ll tell you all. 69

Wel. But art thou sure he will stay thy return?

Brai. Do I live, sir? What a question is that!

Wel. We’ll prorogue his expectation, then, a little: Brainworm, thou shalt go with us.—Come on, gentlemen.—Nay, I pray thee, 75 sweet Ned, droop not; ’heart, an our wits be so wretchedly dull, that one old plodding brain can outstrip us all, would we were e’en prest[1230] to make porters of, and serve out the remnant of our days in Thames-street, or at Customhouse 80 quay, in a civil war against the carmen!

Brai. Amen, amen, amen, say I.

[Exeunt.]