Cob. Why. sir, an ancient lineage, and a 10 princely. Mine ance’try came from a king’s belly no worse man; and yet no man either, by your worship’s leave, I did lie in that, but herring, the king of fish (from his belly I proceed), one o’ the monarchs o’ the world, I assure you. 15 The first red herring that was broil’d in Adam and Eve’s kitchen, do I fetch my pedigree from, by the harrot’s[1143] book. His cob[1144] was my great, great, mighty-great grandfather.

Mat. Why mighty, why mighty, I pray thee? 21

Cob. O, it was a mighty while ago, sir, and a mighty great cob.

Mat. How know’st thou that?

Cob. How know I! why, I smell his ghost ever and anon. 26

Mat. Smell a ghost! O unsavoury jest! and the ghost of a herring cob?

Cob. Ay, sir. With favour of your worship’s nose, master Mathew, why not the ghost of 30 a herring cob, as well as the ghost of Rasher Bacon?

Mat. Roger Bacon, thou would’st say.

Cob. I say Rasher Bacon. They were both broil’d o’ the coals; and a man may smell broil’d meat, I hope! You are a scholar; upsolve 36 me that now.

Mat. O raw ignorance!—Cob, canst thou shew me of a gentleman, one captain Bobadill, where his lodging is? 40

Cob. O, my guest, sir, you mean.

Mat. Thy guest! alas, ha, ha!

Cob. Why do you laugh, sir? Do you not mean captain Bobadill?

Mat. Cob, pray thee advise thyself well; do 45 not wrong the gentleman, and thyself too. I dare be sworn, he scorns thy house; he! he lodge in such a base obscure place as thy house! Tut, I know his disposition so well, he would not lie in thy bed if thou ’dst gi’ it him. 50

Cob. I will not give it him though, sir. Mass, I thought somewhat was in ’t, we could not get him to bed all night. Well, sir, though he lie not o’ my bed, he lies o’ my bench; an ’t please you to go up, sir, you shall find him with two cushions under his head, and his cloak 56 wrapt about him, as though he had neither won nor lost; and yet, I warrant, he ne’er cast[1145] better in his life, than he has done to-night.

Mat. Why, was he drunk? 60

Cob. Drunk, sir! you hear not me say so. Perhaps he swallow’d a tavern-token,[1146] or some such device, sir; I have nothing to do withal. I deal with water and not with wine.—Gi’ me my tankard there, ho!—God b’ wi’ you, sir. It’s six o’clock: I should ha’ carried two 65 turns by this. What ho! my stopple![1147] come.

[Enter Tib with a water-tankard.]

Mat. Lie in a water-bearer’s house! a gentleman of his havings! Well, I’ll tell him my mind. 70

Cob. What, Tib; shew this gentleman up to the captain. [Exit Tib with Master Mathew.] Oh, an my house were the Brazen-head[1148] now! faith it would e’en speak Moe[1149] fools yet. You should have some now would take this Master 75 Mathew to be a gentleman, at the least. His father’s an honest man, a worshipful fishmonger, and so forth; and now does he creep and wriggle into acquaintance with all the brave gallants about the town, such as my guest is (O, my guest is a fine man!), and they flout him 81 invincibly. He useth every day to a merchant’s house where I serve water, one master Kitely’s, i’ the Old Jewry; and here’s the jest, he is in love with my master’s sister, Mrs. Bridget, and calls her “Mistress”; and there he will sit 86 you a whole afternoon sometimes, reading o’ these same abominable, vile (a pox on ’em! I cannot abide them), rascally verses, poyetry, poyetry, and speaking of interludes; ’t will 90 make a man burst to hear him. And the wenches, they do so jeer, and ti-he at him.—Well, should they do so much to me, I’d forswear them all, by the foot of Pharaoh! There’s an oath! How many water-bearers shall you 95 hear swear such an oath? O, I have a guest—he teaches me—he does swear the legiblest of any man christ’ned: By St. George! The foot of Pharaoh! The body of me! As I am a gentleman and a soldier! such dainty oaths! and withal 100 he does take this same filthy roguish tobacco, the finest and cleanliest! It would do a man good to see the fumes come forth at ’s tonnels.[1150]—Well, he owes me forty shillings, my wife lent him out of her purse, by sixpence a time, besides his lodging: I would I had it! I shall ha’ it, he says, the next action. Helter skelter, hang 107 sorrow, care ’ll kill a cat, up-tails all, and a louse for the hangman!

[Exit.]

Notes in this chapter

Note 1 · Lane before Cob’s house.Note 2 · Herald’s.Note 3 · Usually, the head of a herring. In this play, a herring.Note 4 · Pun on cast, to throw dice, and to vomit.Note 5 · A cant term for getting drunk. (Reed.)Note 6 · Stopper.Note 7 · See Greene’s Friar Bacon and Friar Bungay.Note 8 · More.Note 9 · Nostrils.