Act 1 — [Scene V.][2308]

Cas. O here he comes, let ’s make as though we pass.55 Come, come, we ’ll try in some other shop. Cand. How now? What ’s the matter?

Cand. Without a cause?60 And that makes you to let ’em pass away. Ah, may I crave a word with you, gentlemen? Flu. He calls us. Cas. Makes the better for the jest. Cand. I pray come near, you ’re very welcome, gallants.64 Pray pardon my man’s rudeness, for I fear me H ’as talkt above a prentice with you. Lawns! [Showing lawns.] Look you, kind gentlemen, this—no—ay—this: Take this upon my honest-dealing faith, To be a true weave, not too hard nor slack, But e’en as far from falsehood as from black.70 Cas. Well, how do you rate it? Cand. Very conscionably, eighteen shillings a yard. Cas. That ’s too dear: how many yards does the whole piece contain, think you?75 Cand. Why, some seventeen yards, I think, or thereabouts. How much would serve your turn, I pray? Cas. Why, let me see—would it were better too! Cand. Truth ’t is the best in Milan, at few words. Cas. Well, let me have then—a whole pennyworth.80 Cand. Ha, ha! you ’re a merry gentleman. Cas. A penn’orth I say. Cand. Of lawn!

Cand. Deaf? no, sir; but I must tell you, Our wares do seldom meet such customers.

Cas. No, nor there neither; I ’ll have it just in the middle, or else not.104 Cand. Just in the middle—ha—you shall too: what,— Have you a single penny?

Cand. Pray, gentlemen, take her to be a woman; Do not regard her language.—O kind soul, Such words will drive away my customers.

Cas. Well, well, I know ’t: is ’t possible that homo134 Should be nor man, nor woman: not once mov’d; No not at such an injury, not at all! Sure he ’s a pigeon, for he has no gall. Flu. Come, come, you ’re angry though you smother it: You ’re vext i’ faith; confess. Cand. Why, gentlemen, Should you conceit me to be vext or mov’d?140 He has my ware, I have his money for ’t, And that ’s no argument I ’m angry: no. The best logician cannot prove me so. Flu. Oh, but the hateful name of a penn’orth of lawn, And then cut i’ th’ middle of the piece.145 Pah, I guess it by myself, ’t would move a lamb Were he a linen-draper, ’t would, i’ faith. Cand. Well, give me leave to answer you for that: We are set here to please all customers.149 Their humours and their fancies;—offend none; We get by many, if we leese[2317] by one. May be his mind stood to no more than that, A penn’orth serves him, and ’mongst trades ’t is found, Deny a penn’orth, it may cross a pound.154 Oh, he that means to thrive, with patient eye Must please the devil if he come to buy! Flu. O wondrous man, patient ’bove wrong or woe, How blest were men, if women could be so! Cand. And to express how well my breast is pleas’d, And satisfied in all:—George fill a beaker.160 Exit George. I ’ll drink unto that gentleman, who lately Bestow’d his money with me. Vio. God ’s my life, We shall have all our gains drunk out in beakers, To make amends for pennyworths of lawn!164

Cand. Here wife, begin you to the gentleman. Vio. I begin to him! [Spills the wine.] Cand. George, fill ’t up again: ’T was my fault, my hand shook. Exit George. Pio. How strangely this doth show! A patient man linkt with a waspish shrew. Flu. [Aside.] A silver and gilt beaker; I’ve a trick169 To work upon that beaker, sure ’t will fret him; It cannot choose but vex him.—Signor Castruchio, In pity to thee I have a conceit, Will save thy hundred ducats yet; ’t will do ’t, And work him to impatience. Cas. Sweet Fluello, I should be bountiful to that conceit.175 Flu. Well, ’t is enough.

Cand. Here, gentlemen, to you, I wish your custom, you ’re exceeding welcome. [Drinks.] Cas. I pledge you, Signor Candido— [Drinks.] Here you that must receive a hundred ducats. Pio. I ’ll pledge them deep, i’ faith, Castruchio.—180 Signor Fluello. [Drinks.] Flu. Come: play ’t off to me; I am your last man. Cand. George, supply the cup. [Exit George who returns with beaker, filled.] Flu. So, so, good honest George,— Here Signor Candido, all this to you.184 Cand. O, you must pardon me, I use it not.[2318] Flu. Will you not pledge me then? Cand. Yes, but not that: Great love is shown in little. Flu. Blurt[2319] on your sentences! ’Sfoot, you shall pledge me all. Cand. Indeed I shall not. Flu. Not pledge me? ’Sblood, I ’ll carry away the beaker then. Cand. The beaker? Oh! that at your pleassure, sir.190 Flu. Now by this drink I will. [Drinks.] Cas. Pledge him, he ’ll do ’t else. Flu. So: I ha’ done you right on my thumbnail,[2320] What, will you pledge me now? Cand. You know me, sir, I am not of that sin. Flu. Why, then, farewell: I ’ll bear away the beaker by this light.195 Cand. That ’s as you please; ’t is very good. Flu. Nay, it doth please me, and as you say, ’T is a very good one. Farewell, Signor Candido. Pio. Farewell, Candido. Cand. You ’re welcome, gentlemen. Cas. Art not mov’d yet?200 I think his patience is above our wit. Exeunt [Castruchio, Fluello, carrying off the beaker, and Pioratto.]

Cand. Pray let your tongue lie still, all will be well.— Come hither, George, hie to the constable,210 And in calm order wish him to attach them. Make no great stir, because they ’re gentlemen, And a thing partly done in merriment. ’T is but a size above a jest thou know’st, Therefore pursue it mildly. Go, begone,215 The constable ’s hard by, bring him along.— Make haste again. Exit George.

Cand. Pray wear a peaceful temper; be my wife, That is, be patient; for a wife and husband Share but one soul between them: this being known,230 Why should not one soul then agree in one? Exit.

Cas. ’Sheart! attach us! Cand. Nay swear not, gallants, Your oaths may move your souls, but not move me; You have a silver beaker of my wife’s. Flu. You say not true: ’t is gilt. Cand. Then you say true; And being gilt, the guilt lies more on you.245 Cas. I hope y’ are not angry, sir. Cand. Then you hope right; for I ’m not angry. Flu. No, but a little mov’d. Cand. I mov’d! ’T was you were mov’d, you were brought hither. Cas. But you, out of your anger and impatience,250 Caus’d us to be attacht. Cand. Nay, you misplace it: Out of my quiet sufferance I did that, And not of any wrath. Had I shown anger, I should have then pursu’d you with the law, And hunted you to shame, as many worldlings Do build their anger upon feebler grounds;256 The more ’s the pity; many lose their lives For scarce so much coin as will hide their palm: Which is most cruel; those have vexed spirits That pursue lives. In this opinion rest,260 The loss of millions could not move my breast. Flu. Thou art a blest man, and with peace dost deal; Such a meek spirit can bless a commonweal. Cand. Gentlemen, now ’t is upon eating-time, Pray part not hence, but dine with me to-day. Cas. I never heard a carter yet say nay266 To such a motion. I ’ll not be the first. Pio. Nor I. Flu. Nor I.269 Cand. The constable shall bear you company. George, call him in: let the world say what it can, Nothing can drive me from a patient man. Exeunt.