Act 4 — Scene VII.[1304]

Scene VII.[1304]

[Enter] Mathew, E. Knowell, Bobadill, Stephen.

Mat. Sir, did your eyes ever taste the like clown of him where we were to-day, Mr. Wellbred’s half-brother? I think the whole earth cannot shew his parallel, by this daylight.

E. Know. We were now speaking of him; 5 captain Bobadill tells me he is fall’n foul o’ you too.

Mat. O, ay, sir, he threat’ned me with the bastinado.

Bob. Ay, but I think, I taught you prevention 10 this morning, for that. You shall kill him beyond question, if you be so generously minded.

Mat. Indeed, it is a most excellent trick.

[Fences.]

Bob. O, you do not give spirit enough to 15 your motion; you are too tardy, too heavy! O, it must be done like lightning, hay!

Practises at a post.

Mat. Rare, captain!

Bob. Tut! ’tis nothing, an’t be not done in a——punto.[1305] 20

E. Know. Captain, did you ever prove yourself upon any of our masters of defence here?

Mat. O good sir! yes, I hope he has.

Bob. I will tell you, sir. Upon my first coming to the city, after my long travel for knowledge 25 in that mystery only, there came three or four of ’em to me, at a gentleman’s house, where it was my chance to be resident at that time, to intreat my presence at their schools: and withal so much importun’d me that, 30 I protest to you as I am a gentleman, I was asham’d of their rude demeanour out of all measure. Well, I told ’em that to come to a public school, they should pardon me, it was opposite, in diameter, to my humour; but if 35 so be they would give their attendance at my lodging, I protested to do them what right or favour I could, as I was a gentleman, and so forth.

E. Know. So, sir! then you tried their skill?

Bob. Alas, soon tried: you shall hear, sir. 41 Within two or three days after, they came; and, by honesty, fair sir, believe me, I grac’d them exceedingly, shew’d them some two or three tricks of prevention have purchas’d 45 ’em since a credit to admiration. They cannot deny this; and yet now they hate me; and why? Because I am excellent; and for no other vile reason on the earth.

E. Know. This is strange and barbarous, 50 as ever I heard.

Bob. Nay, for a more instance of their preposterous natures, but note, sir. They have assaulted me some three, four, five, six of them together, as I have walkt alone in divers skirts i’ the town, as Turnbull, Whitechapel, 56 Shoreditch,[1306] which were then my quarters; and since, upon the Exchange, at my lodging, and at my ordinary: where I have driven them afore me the whole length of a street, in the 60 open view of all our gallants, pitying to hurt them, believe me. Yet all this lenity will not o’ercome their spleen; they will be doing with the pismire,[1307] raising a hill a man may spurn abroad with his foot at pleasure. By myself, 65 I could have slain them all, but I delight not in murder. I am loth to bear any other than this bastinado for ’em: yet I hold it good polity not to go disarm’d, for though I be skilful, I may be oppress’d with multitudes. 70

E. Know. Ay, believe me, may you, sir: and in my conceit, our whole nation should sustain the loss by it, if it were so.

Bob. Alas, no? what’s a peculiar[1308] man to a nation? Not seen. 75

E. Know. O, but your skill, sir.

Bob. Indeed, that might be some loss; but who respects it? I will tell you, sir, by the way of private, and under seal; I am a gentleman, and live here obscure, and to myself; but 80 were I known to her majesty and the lords,—observe me,—I would undertake, upon this poor head and life, for the public benefit of the state, not only to spare the entire lives of her subjects in general; but to save the one half, 85 nay, three parts of her yearly charge in holding war, and against what enemy soever. And how would I do it, think you?

E. Know. Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive. 90

Bob. Why thus, sir. I would select nineteen more, to myself, throughout the land; gentlemen they should be of good spirit, strong and able constitution; I would choose them by an instinct, a character that I have: and I would teach these nineteen the special rules, as your 96 punto, your reverso, your stoccata, your imbroccato, your passada, your montanto;[1309] till they could all play very near, or altogether, as well as myself. This done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong, we twenty would come into the 101 field the tenth of March, or thereabouts; and we would challenge twenty of the enemy; they could not in their honour refuse us: well, we would kill them; challenge twenty more, kill 105 them; twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them too; and thus would we kill every man his twenty a day, that’s twenty score; twenty score, that’s two hundred;[1310] two hundred a day, five days a thousand: forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty, two hundred 111 days kills them all up by computation. And this will I venture my poor gentleman-like carcass to perform, provided there be no treason practis’d upon us, by fair and discreet manhood; 115 that is, civilly by the sword.

E. Know. Why, are you so sure of your hand, captain, at all times?

Bob. Tut! never miss thrust, upon my reputation with you. 120

E. Know. I would not stand in Downright’s state then, an you meet him, for the wealth of any one street in London.

Bob. Why, sir, you mistake me: if he were here now, by this welkin, I would not draw my weapon on him. Let this gentleman do his 126 mind; but I will bastinado him, by the bright sun, wherever I meet him.

Mat. Faith, and I’ll have a fling at him, at my distance. 130

E. Know. ’God’s so, look where he is! yonder he goes.

Downright walks over the stage.

Dow. What peevish luck have I, I cannot meet with these bragging rascals?

Bob. It is not he, is it? 135

E. Know. Yes, faith, it is he.

Mat. I’ll be hang’d, then, if that were he.

E. Know. Sir, keep your hanging good for some greater matter, for I assure you that was he. 140

Step. Upon my reputation, it was he.

Bob. Had I thought it had been he, he must not have gone so: but I can hardly be induc’d to believe it was he yet.

E. Know. That I think, sir. 145

[Re-enter Downright.]

But see, he is come again.

Dow. O, Pharaoh’s foot, have I found you? Come, draw, to your tools; draw, gipsy, or I’ll thrash you.

Bob. Gentleman of valour, I do believe in thee; hear me—— 151

Dow. Draw your weapon then.

Bob. Tall[1311] man, I never thought on it till now——body of me, I had a warrant of the peace served on me, even now as I came along, by a water-bearer; this gentleman saw it, 156 Master Mathew.

Dow. ’S death! you will not draw then?

Beats and disarms him. Mathew runs away.

Bob. Hold, hold! under thy favour forbear!

Dow. Prate again, as you like this, you 160 whoreson foist[1312] you! You’ll “control[1313] the point,” you! Your consort is gone; had he staid he had shar’d with you, sir.

[Exit.]

Bob. Well, gentlemen, bear witness, I was bound to the peace, by this good day. 165

E. Know. No, faith, it’s an ill day, captain, never reckon it other: but, say you were bound to the peace, the law allows you to defend yourself: that’ll prove but a poor excuse.

Bob. I cannot tell, sir: I desire good construction 170 in fair sort. I never sustain’d the like disgrace, by heaven! Sure I was struck with a planet thence, for I had no power to touch my weapon.

E. Know. Ay, like enough; I have heard of many that have been beaten under a planet: 176 go, get you to a surgeon. ’Slid! an these be your tricks, your passadas, and your montantos, I’ll none of them. [Exit Bobadill.] O, manners! that this age should bring forth such 180 creatures! that nature should be at leisure to make them! Come, coz.

Step. Mass, I’ll ha’ this cloak.

E. Know. ’Od’s will, ’tis Downright’s.

Step. Nay, it’s mine now, another might have ta’en up as well as I: I’ll wear it, so I will. 186

E. Know. How an he see it? He’ll challenge it, assure yourself.

Step. Ay, but he shall not ha’ it; I’ll say I bought it. 190

E. Know. Take heed you buy it not too dear, coz.

[Exeunt.]