Act 3 — [Scene II.][3069]

Tap. Master, the reckoning is not paid.5 Ralph. Right courteous knight, who, for the order’s sake Which thou hast ta’en, hang’st out the holy Bell, As I this flaming Pestle bear about, We render thanks to your puissant self, Your beauteous lady, and your gentle squires,10 For thus refreshing of our wearied limbs, Stiff’ned with hard achievements in wild desert. Tap. Sir, there is twelve shillings to pay. Ralph. Thou merry Squire Tapstero, thanks to thee For comforting our souls with double jug:15 And, if advent’rous fortune prick thee forth, Thou jovial squire, to follow feats of arms, Take heed thou tender every lady’s cause, Every true knight, and every damsel fair; But spill the blood of treacherous Saracens,20 And false enchanters that with magic spells Have done to death full many a noble knight. Host. Thou valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, give ear to me; there is twelve shillings to pay, and, as I am a true knight, I will not25 bate a penny.

Ralph. Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well; But, to requite this liberal courtesy, If any of your squires will follow arms,35 He shall receive from my heroic hand A knighthood, by the virtue of this Pestle. Host. Fair knight, I thank you for your noble offer: Therefore, gentle knight, Twelve shillings you must pay, or I must cap[3070] you.40

Ralph. Farewell, fair lady, and your tender squire.75 If pricking through these deserts, I do hear Of any traitorous knight, who through his guile Hath light upon your casket and your purse, I will dispoil him of them, and restore them. Mist. Mer. I thank your worship. 80 Exit with Michael. Ralph. Dwarf, bear my shield; squire, elevate my lance:— And now farewell, you Knight of holy Bell. Cit. Ay, ay, Ralph, all is paid. Ralph. But yet, before I go, speak, worthy knight, If aught you do of sad[3072] adventures know,85 Where errant knight may through his prowess win Eternal fame, and free some gentle souls From endless bonds of steel and ling’ring pain. Host. Sirrah, go to Nick the barber, and bid him prepare himself, as I told you before,90 quickly. Tap. I am gone, sir. Exit. Host. Sir Knight, this wilderness affordeth none But the great venture, where full many a knight Hath tri’d his prowess, and come off with shame;95 And where I would not have you lose your life Against no man, but furious fiend of hell. Ralph. Speak on, Sir Knight; tell what he is and where: For here I vow, upon my blazing badge, Never to blaze a day in quietness,100 But bread and water will I only eat, And the green herb and rock shall be my couch. Till I have quell’d[3073] that man, or beast, or fiend, That works such damage to all errant knights. Host. Not far from hence, near to a craggy cliff,105 At the north end of this distressed town, There doth stand a lowly house, Ruggedly builded, and in it a cave In which an ugly giant now doth won,[3074] Ycleped Barbaroso: in his hand110 He shakes a naked lance of purest steel, With sleeves turn’d up; and him before he wears A motley garment, to preserve his clothes From blood of those knights which he massacres, And ladies gent:[3075] without his door doth hang A copper basin on a prickant[3076] spear;116 At which no sooner gentle knights can knock, But the shrill sound fierce Barbaroso hears, And rushing forth, brings in the errant knight And sets him down in an enchanted chair;120 Then with an engine, which he hath prepar’d, With forty teeth, he claws his courtly crown; Next makes him wink, and underneath his chin He plants a brazen piece of mighty bord.[3077] And knocks his bullets[3078] round about his cheeks;125 Whilst with his fingers, and an instrument With which he snaps his hair off, he doth fill The wretch’s ears with a most hideous noise. Thus every knight-adventurer he doth trim, And now no creature dares encounter him.130 Ralph. In God’s name, I will fight him. Kind sir, Go but before me to this dismal cave, Where this huge giant Barbaroso dwells, And, by that virtue that brave Rosicleer That damned brood of ugly giants slew,135 And Palmerin Frannarco overthrew, I doubt not but to curb this traitor foul, And to the devil send his guilty soul. Host. Brave-sprighted knight, thus far I will perform This your request: I ’ll bring you within sight Of this most loathsome place, inhabited141 By a more loathsome man; but dare not stay, For his main force swoops all he sees away. Ralph. Saint George, set on before! March squire and page! Exeunt.