Act 1 — Scene II.[1802]

Dap. [within.] Captain, I am here. Face. Who’s that?—He’s come, I think, doctor.

Good faith, sir, I was going away. Dap. In truth, I am very sorry, captain. Face. But I thought Sure I should meet you. Dap. Ay, I am very glad, I had a scurvy writ or two to make,5 And I had lent my watch last night to one That dines to-day at the sheriff’s, and so was robb’d Of my pass-time.[1803] [Re-enter Subtle in his velvet cap and gown.] Is this the cunning-man? Face. This is his worship. Dap. Is he a doctor? Face. Yes. Dap. And ha’ you broke[1804] with him, captain? Face. Ay. Dap. And how?10 Face. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty,[1805] I know not what to say. Dap. Not so, good captain. Face. Would I were fairly rid on ’t, believe me. Dap. Nay, now you grieve me, sir. Why should you wish so? I dare assure you, I’ll not be ungrateful.15 Face. I cannot think you will, sir. But the law Is such a thing——and then he says, Read’s[1806] matter Falling so lately—— Dap. Read! he was an ass, And dealt, sir, with a fool. Face. It was a clerk, sir.19 Dap. A clerk! Face. Nay, hear me, sir. You know the law Better, I think—— Dap. I should, sir, and the danger: You know, I show’d the statute to you. Face. You did so. Dap. And will I tell then! By this hand of flesh, Would it might never write good courthand more, If I discover.[1807] What do you think of me,25 That I am a chiaus?[1808] Face. What’s that? Dap. The Turk was here. As one would say, do you think I am a Turk? Face. I’ll tell the doctor so. Dap. Do, good sweet captain. Face. Come, noble doctor, pray thee let’s prevail; This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus.30 Sub. Captain, I have return’d you all my answer. I would do much, sir, for your love——But this I neither may, nor can. Face. Tut, do not say so. You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor, One that will thank you richly; and he’s no chiaus:35 Let that, sir, move you. Sub. Pray you, forbear—— Face. He has Four angels here. Sub. You do me wrong, good sir. Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits? Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril. ’Fore heav’n, I scarce can think you are my friend,40 That so would draw me to apparent danger. Face. I draw you! A horse draw you, and a halter, You, and your flies[1809] together—— Dap. Nay, good captain. Face. That know no difference of men. Sub. Good words, sir. Face. Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs’-meat. ’Slight, I bring you45 No cheating Clim o’ the Cloughs[1810] or Claribels,[1811] That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;[1812] And spit out secrets like hot custard—— Dap. Captain! Face. Nor any melancholic underscribe, Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle,50 That is the heir to forty marks a year, Consorts with the small poets of the time, Is the sole hope of his old grandmother; That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands, Is a fine clerk, and has his ciph’ring perfect,56 Will take his oath o’ the Greek Xenophon,[1813] If need be, in his pocket; and can court His mistress out of Ovid. Dap. Nay, dear captain—— Face. Did you not tell me so? Dap. Yes; but I ’d ha’ you Use master doctor with some more respect.60 Face. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head!— But for your sake, I ’d choke ere I would change An article of breath with such a puck-fist![1814] Come, let ’s be gone. [Going.] Sub. Pray you le’ me speak with you. Dap. His worship calls you, captain. Face. I am sorry I e’er embark’d myself in such a business.66 Dap. Nay, good sir; he did call you. Face. Will he take then? Sub. First, hear me—— Face. Not a syllable, ’less you take. Sub. Pray ye, sir—— Face. Upon no terms but an assumpsit.[1815] Sub. Your humour must be law. He takes the money. Face. Why now, sir, talk.70 Now I dare hear you with mine honour. Speak. So may this gentleman too. Sub. Why, sir—— [Offering to whisper Face.] Face. No whisp’ring. Sub. ’Fore heav’n, you do not apprehend the loss You do yourself in this. Face. Wherein? for what? Sub. Marry, to be so importunate for one75 That, when he has it, will undo you all: He ’ll win up all the money i’ the town. Face. How? Sub. Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester, As they do crackers in a puppet-play. If I do give him a familiar,80 Give you him all you play for; never set[1816] him: For he will have it. Face. You ’re mistaken, doctor. Why, he does ask one but for cups and horses, A rifling[1817] fly; none o’ your great familiars. Dap. Yes, captain, I would have it for all games.85 Sub. I told you so. Face. [taking Dap. aside.] ’Slight, that is a new business! I understood you, a tame bird, to fly Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights, When you had left the office; for a nag Of forty or fifty shillings. Dap. Ay, ’t is true, sir;90 But I do think, now, I shall leave the law, And therefore—— Face. Why, this changes quite the case. Do you think that I dare move him? Dap. If you please, sir; All ’s one to him, I see. Face. What! for that money?94 I cannot with my conscience; nor should you Make the request, methinks. Dap. No, sir, I mean To add consideration. Face. Why, then, sir, I ’ll try. [Goes to Subtle.] Say that it were for all games, doctor? Sub. I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him At any ordinary,[1818] but o’ the score,[1819]100 That is a gaming mouth, conceive me. Face. Indeed! Sub. He ’ll draw you all the treasure of the realm, If it be set him. Face. Speak you this from art? Sub. Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art. He is o’ the only best complexion,105 The queen of Fairy loves. Face. What! Is he? Sub. Peace. He ’ll overhear you. Sir, should she but see him—— Face. What? Sub. Do not you tell him. Face. Will he win at cards too? Sub. The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac,[1820]110 You ’d swear, were in him; such a vigorous luck As cannot be resisted. ’Slight, he ’ll put Six o’ your gallants to a cloak,[1821] indeed. Face. A strange success, that some man shall be born to! Sub. He hears you, man—— Dap. Sir, I ’ll not be ingrateful. Face. Faith, I have a confidence in his good nature:115 You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful. Sub. Why, as you please; my venture follows yours. Face. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him. He may make us both happy in an hour; Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on ’t.120 Dap. Believe it, and I will, sir. Face. And you shall, sir. You have heard all? Face takes him aside. Dap. No, what was ’t? Nothing, I, sir. Face. Nothing? Dap. A little, sir. Face. Well, a rare star Reign’d at your birth. Dap. At mine, sir! No. Face. The doctor Swears that you are—— Sub. Nay, captain, you ’ll tell all now.125 Face. Allied to the queen of Fairy. Dap. Who! That I am? Believe it, no such matter—— Face. Yes, and that You were born with a caul o’ your head. Dap. Who says so? Face. Come You know it well enough, though you dissemble it.129 Dap. I’ fac,[1822] I do not; you are mistaken. Face. How! Swear by your fac, and in a thing so known Unto the doctor? How shall we, sir, trust you I’ the other matter? Can we ever think, When you have won five or six thousand pound, You ’ll send us shares in ’t, by this rate? Dap. By Jove, sir,135 I ’ll win ten thousand pound, and send you half. I’ fac’s no oath. Sub. No, no, he did but jest. Face. Go to. Go thank the doctor. He ’s your friend, To take it so. Dap. I thank his worship. Face. So! Another angel. Dap. Must I? Face. Must you! ’Slight,140 What else is thanks? Will you be trivial?—Doctor, [Dapper gives him the money.] When must he come for his familiar? Dap. Shall I not ha’ it with me? Sub. O, good sir! There must a world of ceremonies pass; You must be bath’d and fumigated first:145 Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise Till it be noon. Face. Not if she danc’d to-night. Sub. And she must bless it. Face. Did you never see Her royal grace yet? Dap. Whom? Face. Your aunt of Fairy? Sub. Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain;150 I can resolve you that. Face. Well, see her grace, Whate’er it cost you, for a thing that I know. It will be somewhat hard to compass; but However, see her. You are made, believe it,154 If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman, And very rich; and if she take a fancy, She will do strange things. See her, at any hand. ’Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has! It is the doctor’s fear. Dap. How will ’t be done, then? Face. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you160 But say to me, “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.” Dap. “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.” Face. Enough. One knocks without. Sub. Who ’s there? Anon.—[Aside to Face.] Conduct him forth by the back way. Sir, against one o’clock prepare yourself; Till when you must be fasting; only take165 Three drops of vinegar in at your nose, Two at your mouth, and one at either ear; Then bathe your fingers’ ends and wash your eyes, To sharpen your five senses, and cry hum169 Thrice, and then buz as often; and then come. [Exit.] Face. Can you remember this? Dap. I warrant you. Face. Well then, away. It is but your bestowing Some twenty nobles ’mong her grace’s servants, And put on a clean shirt. You do not know174 What grace her grace may do you in clean linen. [Exeunt Face and Dapper.]