The Young-Man & Maidens Forecast; shewing how They Reckon'd their Chickens before they were Hatcht.
Reading edition
To the Tune of, The Country Farmer, Or The Devonshire Damosels.
This may be Printed R. P.
[84.]I'll tell you a Jest of a Provident Lass, Whose Providence prov'd her a Provident Ass; She laid forth her store in such brittle Ware, That very small profit did fall to her share; Thirteen to the Dozen of Eggs she would buy, And set a Hen over them carefully; As long as she went her footing she watch'd, She counted her Chickens before they were Hatch'd. Said she, if these Chickens five Capons do prove, Capons be Meat which Gentlemen love; Those Chickens she would sell to buy a Sow-Pig, That it might have young ones e're it was big; Then with her Pigs she would have an Ewe, It may have Lambs not kill'd with the Dew; And, as she was thinking to buy her a Calf, Her Heels they flew from her a Yard and a half. Her Heels kiss'd the ground, and up flew her Leggs, Down came her Basket, and broke all her Eggs; There lay her Pigs, her Chickens, her Lambs, She could not have young ones unless she had Dams; Thus Fortune did frown by a fall that she catcht, Her Chickens prov'd Addle, before they were Hatcht: Attend but a while, and I'le briefly declare, Bad fortune did likewise fall to the Man's share. And now the Man to the Market will go, To see what Dame Nature on him will bestow; He bought him five Eggs, thinking to Thrive, And thus did the business finely contrive; Said he, if these Eggs five Cocks they will frame, And most of them prove to be Cocks of the Game, So soon as their Spurs are long enough grown, Then I may ingross a Cock Pit of my own.
Then may I have Gallants of every sort, Both Lords, Knights and Squires, and all to see sport, If they Fight bravely these Gallants to please, I may come to get Means by the rearing of these: And when I have done, I'll get me a rich Wife, That I may live happy all days of my Life; And in the Church we will be loving matcht, But count not your Chickens before they are Hatcht. And when he came home he set his Eggs by, He could not get up, the Roost was so high; But fetching a Ladder, that unhappy time, It was his hard luck with his Eggs for to Climb; These Ladders prove fatal to many a Man, And are undone by them now and then; So was this poor Man undone by a Fall, Down comes the Basket, Man, Eggs and all. There lay the poor Man with a fall almost Lame, His Cock-Pits and Gallants, and Cocks of the Game; The loosing of this grieved him to the Life, Yet the grief it was more in the loss of his Wife; All you young Men live vertuous Lives, And think to get Portions now by your Wives; Take warning by me before you are Matcht, Pray count not your Chickens before they be Hatcht.
FINIS.
Printed for P. Brooksby at the Golden Ball in Pye Corner near West Smithfield.
[17.] In Ireland, a Bag-piper coming for England with his Snapsack on his shoulder, as he sate at dinner in a wood, three Wolves began to accost him; then he threw one bread, and another meat, and still they crept nearer to him; Upon which, being afraid, he took his bagpipes and began to play, at which noise the Wolves all ran away: A pox take you, says he, If I had known you had loved Musick so well, you should have had it before dinner.
[26.] A man was condemned the last Sessions to be hang'd for a Robbery; but before and after he was condemned, his careful, dear, and loving wife bid him take no care; for she had took care that he should not die; which made the man live more dissolutely than he would have done, but for his wife's confidence; which Confidence she continued to him till the night before he was to be hang'd; and then she came to him and told him, That all the great Promises made to her were come to nothing; for she could not procure him a Pardon by any means whatever; which put the poor man into such a Grief and Trembling that he was scarce himself. Come, husband, says she, take Heart, for though I cannot get you a Pardon, yet I'll tell you what I'll do for you; I will make you an excellent Cawdle tonight, which will make you sleep well, and another to morrow morning to comfort up your heart before you are hang'd: for truly I believe it troubles you as well as me, that I could not get your pardon; therefore pass it by this once; but if ever you come to be hang'd again, I'll warrant you, I'll get you pardon.
[12.]Says a man nam'd John, In every place the Sun Does rise every Morning soon; 'Tis not so, in every place, For my Son t' his disgrace, Never rises till the Afternoon.
[52.] A Gentleman of Norfolk, as he was riding towards London in the Winter time, and sitting by the fire side with his Host, untill supper could be made ready, there happened a Rabbit to be at the fire a rosting, which the Gentleman perceived to bee very leane, as he thought. Quoth he unto his Host, We have Rabbits in our Country, that one will drip a pottle, and baste itselfe. The In-keeper wondred with himselfe, and did think it to be a lie, but would not say so, for manners sake, and because he was his guest: but, thinking to requite him, Now truely, quoth he, it is very strange: but I can tell you of as strange a thing as that: Which the Gentleman was desirous to heare. Quoth he, I had as fine a Grayhound as any was in England: and if I had happened to goe abroad to my grounds, the Grayhound would alway go with me. And sometime there would start out a Hare before me, which my Grayhound would quickly catch. It fortuned that my dogge died, and for very love that I bare to him, I made me a bottle of his skin, to carry drinke withall, So, one time in hay harvest, my folkes being making of hay in my grounds, and the weather being hot, I filled my bottle with Beere, to carry to them, lest they should lack drink. And as I was going along, there starts a Hare out of a bush before me: and as it was my custome, I cryed, Now, now, now. My bottle leaping from my girdle, ran and catcht the Hare. What, (quoth the Gentleman) me thinks that should be a lie. Truly sir, said the In-keeper, so did I think yours was. The Gentleman perceiving that he was requited for his kindnesse, held himselfe contented.
[85.]Jack drink away Thou hast lost a whole Minute, Hang Wenches and Play; There's no pleasure in it. Faith take t'other glass Though the Nights old and grey, We may all have a pass To the Grave before day. And in the cold forsaken Grave, There's no drink, Jack, no drink, No wine nor women, can we have: No Company but Worms that stinck. Then name thy own health and begin it.
[86.] The beginning of our late unnaturall broyles, was, among other causes imputed chiefly to the imposition of Ship-money, for which Mr Hambden was condemned in the Exchequer in a penall Sume by the consent of ten of the judges, who gave their opinion that that Taxe was legal, only Judge Hutton, and Judge Crook declared against it, so that a stop was put to the levying of it, whereupon a Countryman, no friend to the prerogative, said Wittily, The King may get Ship-money by Hooke, but not by Crook; but since that time other taxes ten times heavyer have been taken from us by Hook and Crook together.
[17.] A Country Farmer being sick, he and his Wife came to a Doctor, who advised him to drink Asses Milk and Sugar every morning, but if you can get no Asses milk come to me and I'll help you to some: says his Wife to him, pray do you think that the Doctor gives suck?
[5.]Be not wroth Cotta, that I not salute thee, I us'd it whilst I worthy did repute thee; Now thou art made a painted Saint, and I, Cotta, will not commit Idolatry.
[4.] A Lusty young Man in Somersetshire, after he had been Married about four Months, grew very Lean and Feeble, so that he cou'd hardly crawl a long; He, one day, seeing a Butcher run over a Plough'd Field after a Mad Bull, ask'd him the reason of it. Why, says the Butcher it is to Tame him: O, says the Fellow, Let him be Married, let him be Married; if that don't Tame him, I'll be hang'd.