THE Merry Gossip's Vindication, To the Groats worth of good Councel Declaration.
Reading edition
Some Women can drink, and be drunk night and day, For all the fault is laid most on the Men, they do say, For if a Man do intend for to thrive, Then he must be sure to ask leave of his Wife.
To the Tune of Digbies Farewel.
that met at an Alehouse, and there they did club,
They called for the short Pot, and likewise for the long,
come Tapster, be quick, for we soon must begon.
They cupt it about, and they made such great hast,
till their nose and their face were all of a blaze.
A Man he may work all the days of his life,
but he must ask his Wife's leave if he intends for to thrive.
What is't for a Man to marry a Wife, if she proves a drunkard, hee'l be weary of his Life, As there is in London and England all or'e they'l take it so sweetly till they lye on the floor. When a knot of merry Gossips are gotten together, they then take no care for fare or foul weather. There's many a Husband takes pains and do's thrive, but he must ask his Wife's leave if he intend for to thrive.
When the Ale and the Brandy doth work in their head, they care not a pin how their Children are fed, Then one saies here Sister i'le drink unto thee our Husbands are bound to maintain us truly. I have a shilling saies one, I have two saies another, we will let it fly now we are together. And thus you may see although a Man strive he must ask his Wifes leave if he intend for to thrive.
When their Bellies are full they are bound to give o're, they have drunken so much they can drink no more, Then they'l hast to go home when they hardly can stand, you laugh for to see them then go hand in hand. A Man he is mad that hath got such a Wife, he may work and may toyl all the days of his Life. There's many a Husband &c
They tottor and wattor and fall in the Dirt, then the Boys they will shout, and them will make sport, Sometimes they cry a Hare and sometimes cry a —— to see them so drunk then they cry out the more; Its a inconvenience for a Woman (to) do so to take so much drink that she can hardly go. There's many a Husband &c—
There is some that is known that will drink all the day, & within night come home drunk, & not a word they can say, I'le promise you true there so heavy i' th' head, they lye on the Stairs and they cannot go (to) Bed: It needs now must be a great shame unto those, for a Woman so drunk she cannot put of her Cloaths. There's many a Husband &c
Some Women will set there Husband o' th' Skore, more than they are able to pay to be sure, When they are absent and taking of Pains, thus they lye at the Alehouse, and consume all their gains; Which makes many a Man to fret all his life, because he is so tide to such a careless Wife. There's many a Husband &c
But for civil good Women I have nothing to say, they deserve a great praise though all these go astray, They are a great shame to the rest of their Sex, and many a good Woman to see them is vext: For a Woman to bring herself in such a Snare, and of Husband and Children have no better care. There's many a Husband &c
It is good for a Woman (to) live in a good way, & keep at home with her Family, that nothing goes astray, Then her Husband will love her the better sure, and let her want nothing that he can procure: For a Woman that's given to wast and consume, makes many a honest man be not for home. There's many a Husband &c
What is't for a Woman to drink and to swill, and never be satisfied till her Belly be full, And then there, one husband they straight will abuse, with all the base names that they ever can use: And then, if her Husband but strike her a blow, she ready crys Murther, all this we may know. There's many a Husband &c
And now all good Women that heareth this Song, I pray you forgive me if I have done you any wrong, I will not condemn all for half a Skore, I dare say in our Parish, wee have a great many more: Besides other places; God send them to mend, and then I do hope they take me for their friend. There's many a Husband &c
And now to conclude, there is no more to be said, I wish that this Song it often be read Amongst the good Women that love for to club, and spendeth their money in Brandy and Bub: And then you shall see what brave days they will spend, your Housekeeping will be better at every Day's end. There's many a Husband &c
Printed for P. Brooksby at the Golden Ball in Pye Corner.
184 Drink.
[17.] A new Mayors Wife of a Town in the West, came to Church the first Sunday after her husband was chosen; and just as she came into the Church, the people began to stand up at the Creed; which the poor heart mistook, and took it to be an honour done purposely to her; An't please God, says she, I'll requite you all before my Husband goes out of his Office.
[4.] A certain King being sick, one pray'd that he might reign as long as the Sun and Moon should endure, and the Prince his Son after him.
[4.] Some Scholars having a spight against their Master, because of his Harshness to them, resolved to play him some trick; so knowing him to be a very Curious neat Man, they daubed the Railes of the Stairs with some Tar. Now the Master coming down in the Dark, laid his Hands in it, which set him into a terrible feu'd; so he call'd all his Schollars, and took them into strict Examination; but, suspecting one above the rest, he was very sharp upon him, urging him to confess it, telling him he did it. The Boy utterly denied it; but the Master was the more pressing upon him. Indeed, said the Lad, with all the Asseverations imaginable, I did it not, but if you please, I'll tell you who had a hand in it: Hereupon the Master thought to have found out the Truth, and so very eagerly asked him who? Your Worship, Sir, says he: Whereupon he was dismissed, with the applause of all his Fellows, for his Ingenuity.
[26.] In a discourse at Table, wherein they chiefly treated of strange things, and one among them said, that he had a piece of the Hawthorn Tree in a Box, which always bloom'd on Christmass day for many years together, and at last was robb'd of it by some of the Parliament Forces, and could never get it again. Why, says one, how could it live and bloom as you say without some earth, or the Sun's influence? Why, says he, d'ye think if it have that vertue to bloom on Christmass-day, that it had not the vertue also to bloom without the help of the Sun or earth? and so let out some Oaths to confirm it.
But another being by, to fit him in his Story; and to make it appear to be truth (as you know it was) began to confirm what t'other had said, with some Oaths too. For, says he, I my self have seen that Haw thorn Tree bloom a hundred Christmas-day, and if I were to say a Hundred more, I should not lie; and I went once thither, when they were come to the Berries, which were red, large and hard; and so took some of them, and button'd me a Suit and Coat with it, as the fashion is now (for you know our fashion in England for Cloaths never alters) and when I and some others were at Church together upon Christmass day in the morning, little thinking of it, about Ten of the Clock precisely (he swore) that the branches sprung out so fast and so thick, that he was covered all over with them; insomuch that he lookt as if he had been in a Wood, and so heavy they were upon him, that he could not stir till one went out of the Church and fetcht an Axe, and cut away all the Boughs, that he might see his way out; and when they had done, he went home in this posture to his lodging; and swore also, that there was as much Wood cut off, as serv'd him all that Winter for fewel to his Chamber; but however, says he, I had rather be at the charge of the Wood than to be served so agen. But Gentlemen I tell you this to confirm what that worthy Gentleman told you before: whereas you were in doubt for a great while whether it was truth or no: but I hope there's no doubt now: and so swore it agen.
[78.] One demanded of a wild yong Gentleman the reason why he would sel his land? who answered because he hoped to go to heven, which he could not possibly do til he forsook earth.
[91.]Learning hath fed me, yet I know no letter, I have liv'd among books, yet am never the better: I have eaten up the Muses, yet I know not a verse, What student is this, I pray you rehearse?
Resolution, A Worme bred in a booke.
[18.] A Preacher, whose Sermons no body cared to hear, intreated a Friend of his to come to hear him. But he begged his Excuse, saying, that he was loth to disturb him in his Solitude. Another who had not the luck to please his Auditors; He did better last Year, said one. How can that be? said another, for he did not preach at all. In that very Thing he did better, reply'd the first.
[17.] One told a Bakers Son, that his Father was a Knave: Truly, says he, Though I say it, that should not say it, my Father is as honest a man as ever lived by bread.