The Cruell Shrow:155 or The Patient Mans Woe
Reading edition
The Cruell Shrow:155 or The Patient Mans Woe
Declaring the misery, and the great paine By his unquiet wife he doth dayly sustaine.
To the Tune of Cuckolds all arowe.
[90.]Come Batchelors and Married Men, and listen to my Song; And I will shew you plainely then, the injury and wrong That constantly I doe sustaine, by the unhappy life, The which does put me to great paine, by my unquiet Wife.
her tongue it so loud,
But alwaies shee'l be railing,
and will not be contrould;
For she the Briches still will weare,
although it breedes my strife,
If I were now a Batchelor,
I'de never have a Wife.
Sometime I goe i' th' morning about my dayly worke, My wife she will be snorting, and in her bed she'le lurke; Untill the Chimes doe goe at Eight, then she'le begin to wake, Her mornings draught well spiced straight, to cleare her eyes she'le take.
As soon as shee is out of bed, her Looking Glass she takes, So vainely is she dayly led, her mornings worke she makes; In putting on her brave atyre, that fine and costly be, Whilst I worke hard in durt and mire, alacke what remedy.
Then she goes forth a Gossiping,
amongst her own Comrades,
with her merry blades:
When I come from my labour hard,
then shee'le begin to scould,
And calls me Rogue without regard,
which makes my heart full cold.
When I for quietnesse sake desire, my wife for to be still; She will not grant what I require, but sweares shee'le have her will; Then if I chance to heave my hand, straightway she'le murder cry; Then judge all Men that here do stand in what a Case am I.
And if a Friend by chance me call, to drinke a pot of Beere; Then she'le begin to curse and brall, and fight and scratch and teare: And sweares unto my worke she'le send me straight without delay, Or else with the same Cudgels end, shee will me soundly pay.
And if I chance to sit at meate upon some holy day, She is so sullen she will not eate, but vexe me ever and aye: She'le pout, and loure, and curse and bann, this is the weary life, That I do leade, poore harmlesse man, with my most dogged wife.
Then is not this a pitteous Cause, let all men now it trie, And give their verdits by the Lawes, betweene my wife and I: And judge the Cause who is to blame, Ile to their Judgement stand, And be contented with the same and put thereto my hand.
If I abroad goe any where, my businesse for to doe, Then will my Wife anone be there, for to encrease my woe; Straightway she such a noise will make, with her most wicked tongue, That all her Mates her part to take, about me soon will thronge.
Thus am I now tormented still, with my most wicked Wife, All through her wicked tongue so ill I am weary of my life: I know not truely what to doe, nor how myselfe to mend: This lingring life doth breede my woe, I would 'twere at an ende.
O that some harmlesse honest man, whom Death did so befriend, To take his Wife from of his hand, his sorrowes for to end: Would change with me to rid my care, and take my Wife alive, For his dead Wife unto his share, then I would hope to thrive.
But so it likely will not be, that is the worst of all, For to encrease my dayly woe and for to breed my fall: My wife is still most froward bent, such is my lucklesse fate, There is no man will be content, with my unhappy state.
Thus to conclude and made an ende of these my Verses rude, I pray all wives for to amende, and with peace to be endude: Take warning all men by the life that I sustained long, Be carefull how you chuse a Wife, and so Ile ende my Song.
FINIS.
[91.] A Bishop on a time examining one that sought to be admitted into the ministery, asked him how many Sacraments there were; to which question, he, after long pause, answered there were 9; Nine, quoth he, how prove you that? Why, quoth hee, there are 7 beyond sea, and two in England; at which the B. laughing at his ignorance, yet grieved for his folly, sent him away as worthily frustrate of his expectation.
[4.] A Man being ask'd whether his friend Tom, that was lately dead, had left him any Legacy? No, faith, says he, Not a Tester to drink his health.
[52.] There was a notable drunkard of Rochester, whom his wife perswaded as much as in her lay, to leave that Sinne; but the more she spake the worse he was, and because she controuled him, he would all to beat her, So she let him alone; and because his use was still to stay out till almost midnight, she went to bed, and bad her Maid tary up for him, and make a good fire: and the maid did as her Mistresse commanded. One night when he came home the Maid let him in, and he stood by the fire and warmed himself; but his head being too heavy for his body, down he fell into the fire along. The Maid ranne crying, Oh Mistresse, Mistresse, my Master is falne into the fire. No Matter, Maid (quoth she) let him take his pleasure in his owne house, where he will himselfe.
[4.]A Gentleman not richest in discretion, Was alwayes sending for his own phisition. And on a time he needs would of him know, What was the cause his pulse did go so slow? Why (quoth the Doctor) thus it comes to passe, Must needs go slow, which goes upon an asse.
"The Prodigall's estate, like to a flux, The Mercer, Draper, and the Silk man sucks; The Taylor, Millainer, Dogs, Drabs and Dice, Trey trip or Passage, or the Most at thrice; At Irish, Tick tacke, Doublets, Draughts or Chesse, He flings his money free with carelessnesse: At Novum, Mumchance, mischance (chuse ye which) At One and Thirty, or at Poore and rich, Ruffe, flam, Trump, noddy, whisk, hole, Sant, New Cut, Unto the keeping of foure Knaves he'l put His whole estate at Loadum, or at Gleeke, At Tickle me quickly, he's a merry Greeke, At Primefisto, Post and payre, Primero, Maw, Whip-her-ginny, he's a lib'rall Hero; At My-sow-pigg'd: and (Reader never doubt ye, He's skill'd in all games except) Looke about ye. Bowles, shove-groate, tennis, no game comes amiss, His purse a purse for any body is."