THE UNFORTUNATE FENCER;147 or The Couragious Farmer of Gloucester-shire shewing How this huffing Spark went down into those Parts, Challenging any one at all sorts of Weapons; and at length (was) shamefully Conquer'd by a Country Farmer.
Reading edition
THE UNFORTUNATE FENCER;147 or The Couragious Farmer of Gloucester-shire shewing How this huffing Spark went down into those Parts, Challenging any one at all sorts of Weapons; and at length (was) shamefully Conquer'd by a Country Farmer.
To the Tune of The Spinning Wheel.
Licensed according to Order.
[88.]You that delight in merriment, be pleased attend a while, I hope to give you all content, this very Song will make you smile; 'Tis of a Fencer brave and bold, adorn'd with rich embroider'd Gold. This Spark in pomp, and rich array, from London rid with right good will, That he young Lords might learn to play all sorts of Weapons by his skill; And whereso e'er this Fencer came, the drum, and trumpet blaz'd his fame. This huffing Fencer, fierce and Stout, to Gloucester City did repair, And for a Sign he then hung out a Sword of grand Defiance there; The which a Farmer did espy, as he by Chance was passing by. The jolly Farmer brisk and bold, as soon as he the Sword beheld, He cry'd what is there to be sold? what! is your Room with Rapiers fill'd? The Valiant Fencer did reply I come my Valour here to try.
With that he did his Rapier shake, and said let who will here arrive, I do a noble Challenge make, to fight the stoutest man alive: The Farmer said I'll answer thee, if that you dare to Cope with me. The Fencer cry'd, you sorry knave, here by this Rapier in my hand, I'll send the to thy silent Grave, against my force no Clown can stand; It shall be try'd the Farmer cry'd, I value not your huffing Pride. Next Morning they a Stage prepare, the drums did beat and trumpets sound, Right joyfull tydings to declare, this Gallant trac'd the City round, Dress'd in his Shirt of Holland fine, with Sword that did like Silver shine. The Stage he mounted brisk and gay, and eke the Farmer straight likewise; To whom the Huffing Spark did say, of you I'll make a Sacrifice; This work in short I will compleat, you should have brought a Winding Sheet. No more of that, but let's fall to, I hope to make my Party good; And e'er this World I bid adieux, who knows but I may let you blood; With that he cut him o'er the Face, and thus began the Spark's Disgrace. But when they came to Quarter Staff, the Farmer bang'd the Spark about; Which made all the Spectators laugh, and with Huzzas they all did shout; He made his Head and Shoulders sore, he ne'er had been so thrash'd before. Thus fairly did he win the day, which put the Fencer in a Rage, Who through the Crowd did sneak away, while the stout Farmer kept the Stage; Huzzas of joy did echo round, while he with Victory was Crown'd.
FINIS.
[17.] One Pace a bitter Jester in Queen Elizabeth's daies, came to Court: Come says the Ladies, Pace, we shall now hear of our faults: No, says he, I don't use to talk of that which all the Towne talks of.
[12.]One saw an Old Woman, Which indeed is Common, With her nose to meet with her chin; 'Tis strange, says he, me-thinks, For when that she drinks The De'el a drop can she get in. He was then told the cause, And what the reason was That her teeth were fell out, and her chin And Nose, like loving Neighbours, Think well of their Labours, To reconcile 'em agen.
[52.] A Worshipfull Gentleman in London, having on a time invited divers of his friends to supper to his house, and being at supper, the second course comming in, the first was one of the Gentleman's own men, bringing a Capon; and by chance, stumbling at the portall door, the Capon flew out of the platter and ranne along the board to the upper end of the table where the Master of the house sate, who making a jest of it, said, By my faith it is well, the Capon is come first, my man will come anon too, I hope. By and by came his man, and takes up the Capon, and layes it in the platter, and sets it on the board. I thank you Sir, quoth his Master, I could have done so my self. I, quoth his man, it is an easie matter, sir, for one to do a thing when he sees it done before his face.
[17.] Some Tylers working on the top of the house, one by chance dropt down through the rafters; Says one, I like such a Fellow dearly, for he is one that goes through his work.
[26.] Another swore, that he in his Travels round about the World, which he had encompast Three times and half in Seven years time, but could not finish the other half, because he fell very Sick, and so was forc't to return back agen; and in his return, he came to a King's Court, but I cannot for my life remember the place, because I have been in so many; and there, says he, I saw a Lute of a very great bigness, and Thirty Ells long, bating only three inches, and Three broad, and swore that the least string upon it was bigger than his Thumb. Then they askt him how it possibly could be plaid on? He told them that a Man and his Wife that were Gyants (of which there's abundance in that Country) had Two large Iron Bows, made each with Eight Feet like Gridirons, with which he, and his dear Consort (which I think is the best name for her now, in regard of that Musick) scrat ore the strings; that is, she on the Treble part, and He on the Bass, whilst Eight great Mastiff Dogs ran up and down the Frets of the Lute, with their bare feet, and stopt directly in Tune as they plaid; (but you must conceive that these dogs were bred up to't, or else 'twere a thing impossible) to the admiration of all strangers that were there; and the Case of that Lute served for a kennel for the Eight Dogs to lie in: but it seems 'tis common with them there, for they made nothing of it; and this he made good by whole Volleys of thundering Oaths.
[5.] A fat house keeper makes leane Executors. The Devill is not alwaies at one doore. He puls with a long rope, that waights for anothers death.