The cunning Northerne Begger
Reading edition
Who all the By-standers doth earnestly pray To bestow a penny upon him to day.
To the Tune of Tom of Bedlam.
[29.]I am a lusty begger, And live by others giving, I scorne to worke, But by the highway lurke, And beg to get my living: I'le i' th' wind and weather, And weare all ragged Garments, Yet though I am bare, I am free from care, A fig for high preferments. For still will I cry good, your worship, good sir, Bestow one poor denier, sir; Which when I've got, At the Pipe and Pot, I soon will it cashiere, sir. I have my shifts about me, Like Proteus often changing, My shape when I will I alter still, About the country ranging: As soon as I a Coatch see, Or Gallants by come riding, I take my Crotch, And rouse from my Couch, Whereas I lay abiding. And still doe cry, &c. Now as a wandring Souldier, (That has i' th' warres bin maymed With the shot of a Gunne) To Gallants I runne, And begg, sir, helpe the lamed: I am a poore old Souldier And better times once viewed, Though bare now I goe, Yet many a foe, By me hath been subdued. And therefore I cry &c. Although I nere was further, Than Kentish-street in Southwarke, Nor ere did see A Battery Made against any bulwarke; But with my Tricks and Doxes, Lay in some corner lurking, And nere went abroad, But to beg on the road, To keep my selfe from working: And alwaies to cry &c. Anon I'm like a saylor And weare old Canvas cloathing, And then I say The Dunkerks away, Took all and left me nothing: Sixe ships set all upon us, 'Gainst which we bravely ventur'd And long withstood, Yet could doe no good, Our ship at length they enter'd And therefore I cry &c. Sometime I like a Criple Upon the ground lye crawling, For money I begge, As wanting a legge To beare my corps from falling: Then seeme I weake of body, And long t' have beene diseased, And make complaint As ready to faint, And of my griefs increased. And faintly I cry &c. My flesh I can so temper, That it shall seeme to feister And looke all ore, Like a raw sore, Whereon I stick a plaister: With blood I daub my face then, To faigne the falling sicknesse, That in every place They pitty my case, As if it came from weaknesse. And then I doe cry &c. Then as if my sight I wanted, A Boy doth walke beside me, Or else I doe Grope as I goe, Or have a dog to guide me: And when I'm thus accounted, To th' highway side I hye me, And there I stand With Cords in my hand, And beg of all comes nye me. And earnestly cry &c. Next to some country fellow I presently am turned, And cry alacke, With a Child at my back, My house and goods were burned: Then me my Doxes follow, Who for my Wifes believed, And along wee two Together goe, With such mischances grieved. And still we doe cry &c. What though I cannot labour, Shall I therefore pine with hunger, No, rather than I Will starve where I lye, I'le beg of the money monger: No other care shall trouble My minde, nor griefe disease me, Though sometimes the flash I get or the lash 'Twill but a while displease me. And still will I cry &c. No tricks at all shall scape me, But I will by my maunding Get some reliefe To ease my griefe, When by the highway standing: 'Tis better be a Begger And aske of kind good fellowes, And honestly have What we do crave, Than steale and goe to the Gallowes. Therefore I'le cry &c.
FINIS.
[26.] One coming into New-Market to buy some Butter, and there cheapened some; and the woman askt. 10d a pound: then he smelt to it; What, says she, do you smell to it, it seems you do not like my Butter: Yes, says he, but 'tis no better than it should be. Then you'll buy none, says she: No, says he, for a reason best known to myself. Then she askt him the reason, and with much importunity he told her, 'twas because he had no Money: Well then, says the Woman, take it for nothing, so you'll pay me for it next time you come.
[12.]Sirrah, you are base To spit in my face, That he vow'd, he wou'd him kill; Sir, I pray forbear, I thought no hurt here, Nay, I'le tread it out, if you will.
A contest at the Hoop-Tavern between two Lawyers.
[25.]Two Lawyers had of late a Tavern Jarr And as 'twas made, 'twas try'd at Bacchus Bar; The Jury Pints and Quarts, and Pottles were, Each of a quick and understanding Eare, Brought in their verdict, which no sooner pass'd But that the Lawyers they themselves did cast. Sir Burdeux Claret, White, Signiour Canary, Sir Reynold Rhenish, with a tertiorary, Whipt up my Youths (& they ye know were able) This into th' Chimny, that beneath the Table. Where They lay both, instead of a demur, So foxt, that neither, in the case, could stir, They might have else a Writ of Error got, But, O the Error of the Pottle Pot! Both over-thrown, and on their backs now laid, Let the Sute fall, and their own charges paid. And thus, though Westminster makes Clients stoop, The Lawyer's Case was alter'd at the Hoop.
[4.] A Conceited Scholar that was lately come from Oxford, drinking with two or three Gentlemen, at the Mitre Tavern in the Poultrey, was very brisk and airy, and would needs be forming of Sylogismes &c. One wise one was this, He bid them fill two Glasses of Wine, which they did: now: says he, I will prove those two Glasses to be three, thus, Is not here one, says he? Yes, says the Gentleman. And here another, that's two, says he; Yes, says the Gentleman again. Why, then, says he, one and two is three, so 'tis done. Very well, says the Gentleman, I'll have one Glass, and that Gentleman shall have the other, and you shall have the third for your pains in finding it out.
Of inclosing a Common.
[6.]A Lord, that purpos'd for his more availe, To compass in a Common with a rayle, Was reckoning with his friend about the Cost, And charge of every rayle, and every post: But he, (that wisht his greedy humour crost) Said, Sir, provide you Posts, and without fayling, Your neighbours round about will find you rayling.
[12.]Some said, Sir, you keep Such a gaping in your sleep, He told 'em then they did lye all; For a looking glass he'd buy, At his bed's-feet to lye, On purpose to make a tryal.
[4.] A Scholar of Oxford having wore out the Heels of his Boots, brought them in his hands to a Cobler, and shewing him them, said, O thou curious Artificer, that hast by no small pains and study, arrived to the perfection of that exquisite art of repairing the defects of old decayed Calcuments, affix me two Semicircles to my Suppeditors. The Cobler stared upon him, as if he would have looked him through; but a little recovering himself, said, Before George, Sir, I understand not your hard Language: but if I put on two Heel pieces, I'll have a Groat for them.
The same Scholar being asked by a Porter for a Gentleman's Chamber in the Colledg, he directed him thus, you must crucifie the Quadrangle, and ascend the Grades, and you will find him perambulating in his Cubicle, near the Fenester. Pray Sir, says the Porter, what is that Fenester? It is, replies the Scholar, the Diaphonous part of an Edifice, erected for the Introduction of Illumination, which so amazed the Porter, that at first he did not know what to think, till recovering himself, he went and enquired of another, who gave him plainer directions, in more intelligible terms.