A Song in Praise of the Leather Bottel.196
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A Song in Praise of the Leather Bottel.196
Shewing how Glasses, and Pots are laid aside, And Flaggons and Noggins they cannot abide; And let all Wives do what they can, 'Tis for the Praise and Use of Man; And this you may very well be sure, The Leather Bottel will longest endure; And I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell That first devised the Leather Bottel
To the Tune of The Bottle Maker's Delight, &c.
[104.]God above that made all things, The Heavens, the Earth, and all therein, The Ships that on the Sea do Swim, To keep Enemies out that none comes in; And let them do all what they can, 'Tis for the Use and Praise of Man. And I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell That first devised the Leather Bottel. Then what do you say to these Cans of Wood? In faith they are, and can, not be good; For when a Man he doth them send To be filled with Ale, as he doth intend; The Bearer falleth down by the way. And on the ground the Liquor doth lay; And then the Bearer begins to ban, And swears it is long of the Wooden Can. But had it been the Leather Bottel, Although he had fallen, yet all had been well Then I Wish &c.
Then what do you say to these Glasses fine? Yes, they shall have no Praise of mine; For when a Company they are set For to be merry, as we are met; Then if you chance to touch the Brim, Down falls the Liquor and all therein, If your Table Cloath be never so fine, There lies your Beer, Ale, or Wine: It may be for a small Abuse, A young Man may his Service lose; But had it been a Leather Bottel, And the Stopple in, then all had been well. And I wish &c
Then what do you say these black Pots three? True, they shall have no praise of me, For when a Man and his Wife falls at Strife, As many have done, I know, in their Life; They lay their Hands on the Pot both, And loth they are to lose their Broath; The one doth tug, the other doth hill, Betwixt them both the Liquor doth spill; But they shall answer another Day, For casting their liquor so vainly away; But had it been in the Leather Bottel, They might have tugg'd till their Hearts did ake, And yet their Liquor no harm could take; They might have tugg'd till their Hearts did ake. Then I wish &c
Then what do you say to the Silver Flaggons fine? True, they shall have no Praise of mine; For when a Lord he doth them send To be filled with Wine as he doth intend; The Man with the Flaggon he doth run away, Because it is Silver most gallant and gay: O then the Lord he begins to ban, And swears he hath lost both Flaggon and Man; There's never a Lord's Serving-man or Groom, But with his Leather Bottel may come; Then I wish &c
A Leather Bottel we know is good, Far better than Glasses or Cans of Wood, For when a Man is at work in the Field, Your Glasses and Pots no Comfort will yield; Then a Leather Bottle standing him by, He may drink always when he is a dry; It will revive the Spirits, and comfort the Brain, Wherefore let none this Bottle refrain; For I wish &c
He knew not very well what to do,
But for his Bottle standing him near,
That is filled with good Household beer;
At Dinner he sits him down to eat,
With his good hard Cheese and Bread or Meat;
Then this Bottle he takes up amain,
And drinks, and sets him down again;
Saying, Good Bottle, stand my Friend,
And hold out till this day doth end;
For I wish &c
And likewise the Haymakers they, When as they are turning and making their Hay; In Summer-weather, when as it is warm, A good Bottel full then will do them no harm; And at Noon time they sit them down, And drink in their Bottels of Ale Nut Brown; Then the Lads and the Lasses begin to tattle, What should we do but for this Bottle? They could not work if this Bottle were done, For the Day's so hot with heat of Sun. Then I wish &c
Also the Leader, Lader, and the Pitcher, The Reaper, Hedger and the Ditcher, The Binder, and the Raker and all About the Bottels ears do fall; And if his Liquor be almost gone, His Bottel will he part with to none, But says, my Bottel is but small One Drop I will not part withal: You must go drink at some Spring or Well, For I will keep my Leather Bottel. Then I wish &c
Thus you may hear of a Leather Bottel, When as it is filled with Liquor full well, Though the Substance of it be but small, Yet the Name of the thing is all. There's never a Lord, an Earl or Knight, But in a Bottel doth take Delight: For when he is hunting of the Deer, He often doth wish for a Bottel of Beer: Likewise the Man that works at the Wood, A Bottel of Beer doth oft do him good Then I wish &c
Then when this Bottel doth grow old, And will good Liquor no longer hold, Out of the Side you may take a Clout, Will mend your Shooes when they'r worn out; Else take it and hang it upon a Pin, It will serve to put many odd Trifles in, As Hinges, Awls, and Candle-ends, For young Beginners must have such things; Then I wish in Heaven his Soul may dwell, That first devised the Leather Bottel.
London: Printed by and for W. O. and sold by the Booksellers of Pye Corner, and London Bridge.
197 Mower.
[103.] A Gentleman having left a Bag of Money in a Hackney Coach, besides an Advertisement in the Gazet, he put up a paper at the Exchange, that he would give a sixth part (viz £20) to the Coachman, if he would bring him his Money; the Fellow, hearing of the offer, went to the Exchange and writ on the Paper, Then shall I be the Loser, which was all the Gentleman had for his Coin.
[26.] One swore most plentifully, That he saw a Lobster kill a Hare upon Salisbury Plain; then they all began to think indeed that was a lie, till he very discreetly told them how it was; for the Lobsters that are taken at Weymouth, Southampton, and upon the Sea-Coasts thereabouts, are presently convey'd in Panniers into the Midland Country, and by the way on Salisbury Plain did drop a very good Lobster, and a Hare a little after, came close to the Lobster: which the Lobster feeling, with his Claw presently catcht him fast by the foot, and so kill'd him; and swore also that they put it into a Pie, and both bak't together (but I don't mean with the skin and the shell on) then you'd think't a lie indeed; and so sent up to London, and eaten there.
[102.]Alas, Delfridus keepes his bed, God knowes, Which is a sign his worship's very ill: His griefe beyond the grounds of Phisike goes; No Doctor that comes neere it with his skill, Yet doth he eat, drink, talke, and sleepe profound, Seeming to all men's judgements healthful found. Then gesse the cause he thus to bed is drawne What? think you so? may such a hap procure it? Well; faith, 'tis true, his Hose is out at pawne, A breechlesse chance is come, he must indure it: His Hose to Brokers Jayle committed are, His Singular, and only Velvet paire.
[17.] A man on his death bed bequeathed all that he had to his three Sons; to the first he gave all his Land, for he said he had been very dutiful, but he said he hoped his Father would live to enjoy it all himself: To the second, he gave all his money and goods, for he had been dutiful also, and he wisht his father might live and enjoy it all himself: And to the third, he said, Thou hast been a Villain, a Rogue, and a Vagabond; I first give to thee the benefit of the Stocks, to keep both thy legs warm; and next Bridwell, where thou shalt dine upon freecost with Mr Lashington every day; and then I bestow the Gallows upon thee at last: Truly Father, says he, I thank you, and I hope you'll live to enjoy them all, yourself.
[94.] One asked the reason why Lawyers Clerks writ such wide lines: Another answered, It was done to keep the peace; for if the Plaintiff should be in one line, and the Defendant in the next, the lines being too near together, they might perhaps fall together by the Ears.
When all the World was drown'd, No Venison could be found; For then there was no Park: Lo here we sit, Without e're a bit, Noy has it all in his Ark.
For the ingenuity of which, Mr Noy sent him a good corner of a Pasty, and half a Dozen Bottles of Sack to wash it down.
At another time, Ben Johnson intending to go through the Half Moone Tavern in Aldersgate Street, was denied entrance, the Door being shut: upon which he made these Verses.
Since the Half-Moon is so unkind, to make me go about, The Sun my Money now shall take, the Moon shall go without.
And so he went to the Sun Tavern at Long Lane end, forsaking the Half-Moon for this affront.
[91.] When I lived, I fed the living, now I am dead, I bear the living, and with swift speed walke over the living.
Resolution. A Ship made of an Oake, growing, fed Hogs with Acorns, now beares men, swims over fishes.