LITTLE STUDIES IN NATURAL HISTORY
Reading edition
How to Trim Rich Relations. This is a very dangerous and delicate operation as the subjects can only be approached when they are asleep. Provide yourself with a black-jack, a bottle of chloroform and a sponge. About three in the morning enter the room where the Richest Relation is sleeping. Going noiselessly to the bed, hold the sponge saturated with chloroform above the Richest Relation's nose. As his sleep becomes more profound, lower the sponge, and finally, with a quick motion, jam it in his mouth. Then strike his head with the black-jack, using all your strength. Rich Relations are suspicious and you cannot be too careful in business matters. This done, cut out the gold, silver, or bills, from his pockets, and any jewels or trinkets that you may find. Note: In most cases it will not be necessary to kill the subject before you can do the trimming. Health Hint: While sleeping it is best to lie on the right side; also while awake.
SUNDAY(1629) First theater in America established in Boston. Patti opened theater with first farewell performance.
MONDAY
TUESDAY"The bathing dresses are very pretty, but I'm sure I can't imagine where they buy such long stockings." —Aunt Mary's letter from the seashore.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY(1593) Anthony Comstock would have indicted Shakespeare for writing Venus and Adonis.
SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER
Those who live in glass houses should conduct themselves accordingly.