Volume 25 — "WE NEVER SELL OUR APPOINTMENTS."

John Bright is a pestilent fellow, Always ready for making a fight, But of all his low bluster and bellow, We East India Directors make light. Some appointments (we do not mind telling him) We do give away now and then, But to go and accuse us of selling 'em!— When we're all of us "hon'rable men!" Sir James Hogg from his place in the House Repelled Mr. Bright's imputation; And showed all his usual nous In insisting on investigation. Such inquiry we've made as we can, Sir, And we're ready to make it again, To ask freely—when parties won't answer— Proves clearly we're "hon'rable men." In the first place our statutes declare The sale of appointments illegal, So of course to such sales none would dare Directors to try and inveigle, 'T was done once—but though that was by charity— The law on the case threw its ken, And the row that was made proved the rarity Of such practice 'mong "hon'rable men." City men—we've our City connections— (In this there is no impropriety) We've the social and private affections Which belong to our grade in society. If I lay a man 'neath obligation, Of course he'll oblige me again; But we never take remuneration— For we're all of us "hon'rable men." If the daughter of one of our Board (And such things have occurred in the body), By winning the hand of a Lord From Miss Blogg become Lady Tom Noddy. If young Noddies have writerships handed 'em, And young Bloggs Treasury clerkships, what then? Is Blogg less, though John Bright may have branded him, One of twenty-four "hon'rable men?" As we're quite the commercial élite, In the very first circles while moving, If the dignified clergy we meet, The occasion we're right in improving. What delight for the son of a bishop To provide, by a stroke of the pen! In return—if a living he fish up Why we're both of us "hon'rable men." Even Cabinet Ministers often Are proud to admit us as friends, In those social enjoyments which soften Official hauteur, till it bends: What pleasure to give one's cadetships To a hard-worked First Lord—and if then, One's sons, now on half-pay, should get ships, Does that prove us less "hon'rable men?" As with other men's daughters and wives, So with ours it is often a passion (As the Bank or the Brewery thrives), To shine in the regions of fashion; For a chaperon countess's matronage, Or a duchess's favouring ken, A slice of one's Indian patronage, Is no price among "hon'rable men." Then let's hope that the scandal will never Again with belief be received, That for Indian appointments we ever Dream of such thing as "Value received." "Nought for nothing," of old was the motto, And appointments were trafficked in then, "All for nothing," is what we have got to— We twenty-four "hon'rable men."