Volume 25 — NEUTRALITY IN PLUSH.

The wonders of steam at Manchester and other great manufacturing towns are quite eclipsed by the triumph at which mechanical science has arrived in an obscure locality. Witness this advertisement, extracted from the Cambridge Chronicle of the 10th instant:

WANTED in a Clergyman's family in the country, a FOOTMAN, which must also have a knowledge of Gardening. For particulars address X.Y., Post Office, Caxton.

The Footman which is wanted in a Clergyman's family, is, of course, a Machine; as the neuter pronoun, by the tenet of Murray, held of course by every clergyman, is to be applied to animals and inanimate things; and no known animal is capable of a Footman's place. The Footman thus wanted might have been supposed to be a trivet, but for the requisition that it shall have a knowledge of gardening. This proves that it must be an Engine—and in part a Garden Engine—endowed with intellectual faculties. That it is advertised for is sufficient evidence that it exists.

Necessity is the mother of invention; and the dearth of labour, combined with the insolence, unthrift, and dishonesty of servants, has compelled some clever mechanist to devise the sort of Footman which is wanted by the clergyman; and has been long in general request.

How such a domestic could have been constructed; how it was possible to make a lackey that should not only clean boots and wait at table, but dig, and prune, and plant, and exercise intelligence, moreover, in these horticultural operations, it is difficult to conceive. Imagination staggers at the idea of a Steam Flunkey. The Mr. Smee, who resolves thought into electrical action, may suppose that galvanism might have served to vivify the apparatus, and cause the fibres of its artificial brain to quiver with those vibrations which constitute perception, memory, and understanding. But if mind consists in vibrations, the abilities of a Shakspere are no great shakes; therefore we cannot accept such a theory of the constitution of the Footman which is wanted in a Clergyman's family.

The mysterious agency concerned in Table Turning, belief in which has in some minds survived its refutation by Faraday, we should rather consider to be the animating principle of this Frankenstein's Androides or Andrewoides, artificial Andrew or automatic John Thomas.

The female domestics in the family of the clergyman are, of course, of a nature similar to that of the manservant which is wanted there, since no housemaid or cook could stay in a house where a Footman was kept referred to by the neuter pronoun, which, and consequently where the Footman was an Inanimate Thing.

A Fable for Mr. Commissioner Murphy.

Once upon a time, a lot of murphies—id est potatoes—were put in a pot together. "Now, boys"—said one of the praties—"as we'll all be in hot water—all of a bilin'—wobble as we may, for the credit of ould Ireland—don't let us split on one another."

The Main Stays of Science.

The savans at Hull have lately been giving some very interesting results of the trial of the strength of "stays." Surely this department should have been left to a female committee, for the true strength of "stays" can only be ascertained by experiments in very tight lacing.

A NEW TIDE OF EMIGRATION.

Gold has been discovered in Scotland. This discovery may work perhaps a miracle. It may have the effect of sending all the Scotchmen, who for years have left their native country, "bock again."

Another "Height of Impudence."—Naming a Railway Engine "Safety."