Volume 25 — THE GAME IN THE EAST.
Reading edition
Of all the games that e'er in the world of play were hit upon, Since the ingenious "heads I win, and tails you lose," was lit upon, The most winning game by far is that now played by the Czar With France and England—famous flats to try his wicked wit upon. A Turkey is the stakes in the match; and who can wonder That to the wily Czar France and England should knock under, That the honour in their hand 'gainst his tricks can never stand, When his game is all finesse, and theirs all revoke and blunder? What marvel France and England each deal are looking graver? What marvel Russia's play grows more brilliant and braver? When, thanks to his strong club, 'ere the close of the first rub, He's the nine points of possession scored already in his favour? When they lead off with a bow, he trumps it with a bluster; They come out with a minister, he answers with a muster; When diplomatic right meets autocratic might, The latter oft proves stronger, though the former may be juster. Meanwhile no rook e'er plucked his pigeons with more suavity, Or pocketed his winnings with more self-denying gravity, Or ever did express more acuteness of distress At the slightest hint of cheating, or any such depravity. And throughout, it must be owned, he has shown the utmost patience In entertaining any or all negotiations; But we argue and he acts, till our words against his facts End in landing him across the Pruth, for further operations.
LOGIC FOR MR. LUCAS.
Nuns are, for the most part, ladies of extreme sanctity and purity who educate large numbers of children, and do a great deal of good to the poor.
Therefore, to institute any inquiry as to their liability, under existing circumstances, to compulsory detention in their convents, to cruel punishments under the name of penance, to coercion in regard to the assignment of their property, or any other species of constraint, ill-usage, or duresse, at the hands of malicious, fanatical, or unscrupulous superiors, and ecclesiastical governors, is unnecessary and inexpedient.
Table Turning Extraordinary.
"Dear Punch,—Faraday was regularly non-plussed by experiments at the Royal Agricultural Meeting at Gloucester. The President, Vice-President, and Honorary Secretary caused to be placed before them a large tub filled with three gallons of cream; the fingers of the three gentlemen were placed upon the rim of the tub, and in about fifteen minutes the cream began to move round until it became solid Butter!
"A Black Spirit."
Science among the Swains.
If there were any truth in Spirit Rapping, we should be glad if the ghost of any good old British farmer would be so kind as to rap out its ideas on the subject of an agricultural implement, for which a prize has been awarded by the Royal Agricultural Society, and which rejoices in the name of a Dynamometer. Respecting this new-fangled invention, however, it would not, perhaps, be correct to print all the expressions which the worthy but possibly rather prejudiced spirit might "rap out."
JEWISH DISABILITIES!
Tom Duncombe thanks his stars that the Jews never can come into Parliament, as it will be a matter of impossibility for them to swallow the immense quantity of gammon there is in the House.
What "can" the Police be about?
A wretched creature who hangs about the Punch Office thrust the following indescribable piece of nonsense under the door:
"When is the weather favourable to Haymaking? When it 'rains pitchforks.'"
There! and yet we pay a police rate of two shillings and twopence in the pound.
A MISTAKE IN ALL THE MAPS.
Whatever geographers may say, in order that the combined fleets may enter the Dardanelles, they must get out of the Pacific.
EFFECT OF THE CAB STRIKE.—GOING TO THE OPERA IN A WHEELBARROW.