Volume 25 — HOW EUROPE MAY BE SAVED!
Reading edition
A recipe, from a Neapolitan pen, authorized by King Bomba, of Naples!
"Take the English people, strip 'em, rob 'em, kick 'em out of England, making of 'em—even as the Hebrews—dealers in hare-skins and old clothes! When this is done, take London, and turn it topsy-turvy, ruinous like Jerusalem! Let the English House of Commons sit by the waters of the Danube and weep; and let English Bishops sell maccaroni, and English merchants vend water-melons to the Lazzaroni of Naples! Then Europe will be safe. When the House of Hanover is placed upon a cinder-heap of Mount Vesuvius, then may Europe, in the depths of her tranquillity, sweetly rejoice!"
And the King of Naples read the foregoing, and said "Let it be forthwith printed, and let Britannia forthwith prepare herself to become a Jewess." Only to think—the British Lion a Lion of Judah! The White Horse of Hanover, a Jerusalem Pony!
New Comic Song to be Sung at the Cave of Harmony.
(Respectfully dedicated to the author of "The Newcomes.") Mr. Punch sings.
Our future Premier, laughing free, I've got my eye upon, I think you'll all agree with me—his name is P-lm-rston. And by his side sits sleepily a lord in Scotland bred; I think you'll all agree with me—that he were best in bed.
Chorus by the Nation.
O yes, we all agree with you that he were best in bed.
Some Lights that want Snuffing Out.
A new religious book is now being advertised under the illuminating title of "The Lamp and the Lantern, a Light for the Tent and the Traveller." If our Exeter Hall friends are in want of quaint titles, we beg leave to suggest "The Bull's Eye and the Dip," or "The Price and the Palmer," or "The Long Four and the Short Six," or "The Kitchen and the Composite."
What is Man?
The Quarterly makes answer,
"Chemically speaking, a man is 45 lbs. of carbon and nitrogen diffused through 5½ pailfuls of water."
This must be wrong. If no hemp, how do you get your Russian? If no wood, how do you get your Austrian? If no red-tape, how does Downing Street get her Englishmen?
A CON FROM THE SHAKSPEARIAN CLOWN.
Q. When Othello killed Desdemona, was he thinking of his Wife?
A. No—his (s)Mother.
The Great Eastern Question (at all political dinners). "Is there any Turkey left?"