Volume 25 — WANTED, A NOBLEMAN!
Reading edition
We have for some time looked with much curiosity to ascertain the result of the death of a noble Earl, whose name used to be as familiar to us as Household Words, in connection with certain pills which were warranted to cure bad legs, black-legs, and all sorts of legs of every degree of standing.
If the pill and ointment business should have fallen off since the death of the Earl, who was advertised as a living specimen of the benefits to be derived from cramming himself with the one, and saturating his skin with the other, we can only recommend the proprietor to put into circulation the following Advertisement, with the attractive heading of
"WANTED, A NOBLEMAN!"
Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to fill His noble inside with a Popular Pill. He must have a Bad Leg, Indigestion, and Gout, With an abscess internal, that ought to come out; He must suffer from Headache, Consumption, and pains In the nerves, and the elbows, the eyebrows and brains; He must also have tried every doctor in town— Doctor Jones, Doctor Smith, Doctor White, Doctor Brown. But vain must have proved all professional skill, Till he heard, quite by chance, of the Popular Pill. Wanted, a Nobleman! full of disease, From his head to his foot, from his nose to his knees; With Asthma, Paralysis, Deafness, and Mumps, Sciatica, Elephantiasis, Dumps, The Blues, Yellow Jaundice, the Red Gum, White Swelling, Confining him just twenty years to his dwelling, And making him pay many doctors a bill— Till a friend recommended the Popular Pill. Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to swear, Of cure or improvement he'd learned to despair; When a friend, whom he'd known fifty years at death's door, Whose family long since had given him o'er, Ran into his chamber with laughter's wild shout; As he gaily continued to caper about, Declaring he owed it to taking his fill (For the last eighteen months) of the Popular Pill. Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to munch The Popular Pill between breakfast and lunch; He must take it at bed-time, at sun-rise, at noon, At the fall of the leaf, at the full of the moon; If a noble there is, who's disposed to fulfil The office of puffing the Popular Pill, And will of its virtues incessantly speak, His salary will be a guinea a week!