Act 2 — Scene IV. A street.[567]

Mer. Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came[568][569] he not home to-night?[569] Ben. Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.[569] Mer. Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline,[570][571] Torments him so that he will sure run mad.[571] 5 Ben. Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet,[572][573] Hath sent a letter to his father's house.[572] Mer. A challenge, on my life. Ben. Romeo will answer it. Mer. Any man that can write may answer a letter. 10 Ben. Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares, being dared. Mer. Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot thorough the ear with[574] a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind 15 bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Tybalt? Ben. Why, what is Tybalt?[575][576] Mer. More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he's[576][577] the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance and proportion;[578] 20 rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your[579] bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist;[580] a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hai![581] 25 Ben. The what? Mer. The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes;[582][583] these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu, a very good[583][584] blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be 30 thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form[585] that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their[586] bones, their bones![587]

Ben. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.[588] 35 Mer. Without his roe, like a dried herring: O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench;[589] marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido, a dowdy; Cleopatra, a gipsy; Helen and Hero, hildings and[590] 40 harlots; Thisbe, a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose.[591] Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your[592] French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.[593] Rom. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit[594] did I give you?[594] 45 Mer. The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?[594] Rom. Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great;[594][595] and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.[594][596] Mer. That's as much as to say, Such a case as yours[594] constrains a man to bow in the hams.[594] 50 Rom. Meaning, to court'sy.[594][597] Mer. Thou hast most kindly hit it.[594] Rom. A most courteous exposition.[594][598] Mer. Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.[594] Rom. Pink for flower.[594] 55 Mer. Right.[594] Rom. Why, then is my pump well flowered.[594] Mer. Well said: follow me this jest now, till thou hast[594][599] worn out thy pump, that, when the single sole of it is worn,[594] the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.[594][600] 60 Rom. O single-soled jest, solely singular for the[594][601] singleness![594][601] Mer. Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.[594][602] Rom. Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a[594][603][604] match.[594][603] 65 Mer. Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have[594][605][606] done; for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy[594][606] wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with[594] you there for the goose?[594] Rom. Thou wast never with me for any thing when[594][607] 70 thou wast not there for the goose.[594] Mer. I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.[594] Rom. Nay, good goose, bite not.[594] Mer. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most[594][608][609] sharp sauce.[594][608] 75 Rom. And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?[594][610] Mer. O, here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an[594] inch narrow to an ell broad![594] Rom. I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added[594] to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.[594][611] 80 Mer. Why, is not this better now than groaning for[594][612] love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art[594][613] thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this[594] drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up[594] and down to hide his bauble in a hole.[594][614] 85 Ben. Stop there, stop there.[594] Mer. Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the[594] hair.[594] Ben. Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.[594] Mer. O, thou art deceived; I would have made it[594] 90 short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and[594][615] meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer.[594] Rom. Here's goodly gear![616]

Mer. A sail, a sail![617] Ben. Two, two; a shirt and a smock.[618] 95 Nurse. Peter! Peter. Anon? Nurse. My fan, Peter. Mer. Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the[619][620] fairer of the two.[620][621] 100 Nurse. God ye good morrow, gentlemen. Mer. God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.[622] Nurse. Is it good den?[623] Mer. 'Tis no less, I tell you; for the bawdy hand of[624] the dial is now upon the prick of noon. 105 Nurse. Out upon you! what a man are you! Rom. One, gentlewoman, that God hath made himself[625] to mar. Nurse. By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to[626] mar,' quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where[627] 110 I may find the young Romeo?[628] Rom. I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. Nurse. You say well. 115 Mer. Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely. Nurse. If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with[629] you. Ben. She will indite him to some supper.[630] 120 Mer. A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho! Rom. What hast thou found?[631] Mer. No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,[631] that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.[631][632] [Sings. An old hare hoar,[631][633] 125 And an old hare hoar,[631][633] Is very good meat in lent:[631][633] But a hare that is hoar,[631][633] Is too much for a score,[631][633] When it hoars ere it be spent.[631][633] 130 Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner thither. Rom. I will follow you. Mer. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, [singing] 'lady,[634] lady, lady.' [Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio.[635] 135 Nurse. Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy[636] merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?[637] Rom. A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself[638] talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.[639] 140 Nurse. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take[640] him down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such[641] Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.[642] [Turning to Peter] And thou must stand by too,[643] 145 and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? Peter. I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel and the law on my side. 150 Nurse. Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire[644] you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but[644] first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise,[645]155 as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young, and therefore, if[646] you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak[647] dealing. 160 Rom. Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress.[648] I protest unto thee—[649] Nurse. Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman. Rom. What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not 165 mark me.[650] Nurse. I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.[651] Rom. Bid her devise[652] Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;[652] 170 And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell[653] Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. Nurse. No, truly, sir; not a penny. Rom. Go to; I say you shall. Nurse. This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there. 175 Rom. And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey-wall:[654] Within this hour my man shall be with thee, And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;[655] Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. 180 Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:[656] Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.[657] Nurse. Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir. Rom. What say'st thou, my dear nurse?[658] Nurse. Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,[659][660]185 Two may keep counsel, putting one away?[659][661] Rom. I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.[662] Nurse. Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady—Lord,[663] Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing—O, there is[663] a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife[663] 190 aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very[663][664] toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that[663][665] Paris is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you, when I[663] say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world.[663][666] Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?[663] 195 Rom. Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.[663] Nurse. Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for[663][667][668] the—No; I know it begins with some other letter—and[663][668][669] she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary,[663] that it would do you good to hear it.[663][670] 200 Rom. Commend me to thy lady.[663][671] Nurse. Ay, a thousand times. [Exit Romeo.] Peter![663][672] Pet. Anon![663][673] Nurse. Peter, take my fan, and go before, and apace.[663][674]