Act 3 — Scene II. Gloucestershire. Before Justice Shallow's house.

Shal. Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your[3858] hand, sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by the[3859] rood! And how doth my good cousin Silence?[3859][3860] Sil. Good morrow, good cousin Shallow. Shal. And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and5 your fairest daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen? Sil. Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow![3861] Shal. By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William[3862] is become a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not? Sil. Indeed, sir, to my cost.10 Shal. A' must, then, to the inns o'court shortly: I was[3863] once of Clement's Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow yet. Sil. You were called 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin. Shal. By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would[3864]15 have done any thing indeed too, and roundly too. There[3865] was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotswold[3866][3867] man; you had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the inns[3867][3868] o'court again: and I may say to you, we knew where the[3869]20 bona-robas were and had the best of them all at[3870] commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and[3871] page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk. Sil. This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about[3872] soldiers?25 Shal. The same Sir John, the very same. I see him[3873] break Skogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was a crack[3874] not thus high: and the very same day did I fight with one[3875] Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's Inn. Jesu,[3876] Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! and to see how many[3876]30 of my old acquaintance are dead![3877] Sil. We shall all follow, cousin. Shal. Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death, as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How[3878] a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?[3879]35 Sil. By my troth, I was not there.[3880] Shal. Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet? Sil. Dead, sir. Shal. Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and[3881]40 dead! a' shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well,[3882] and betted much money on his head. Dead! a' would have clapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carried you a fore-hand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would[3883] have done a man's heart good to see. How a score of ewes45 now? Sil. Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds. Shal. And is old Double dead? Sil. Here come two of Sir John Falstaff's men, as I think.50

Bard. Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you,[3885] which is Justice Shallow? Shal. I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this county, and one of the king's justices of the peace: what is[3886] your good pleasure with me?[3887]55 Bard. My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a[3888] most gallant leader. Shal. He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword[3889] man. How doth the good knight? may I ask how60 my lady his wife doth? Bard. Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated[3890] than with a wife. Shal. It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said[3891] indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea, indeed,[3892]65 is it: good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable.[3893] Accommodated! it comes of 'accommodo:'[3892] very good; a good phrase. Bard. Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase[3894] call you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase; but[3895]70 I will maintain the word with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command, by heaven.[3896] Accommodated; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated;[3892] or when a man is, being, whereby a' may be[3892][3897] thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing.[3892][3897]75 Shal. It is very just.

Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand,[3899] give me your worship's good hand: by my troth, you like[3900] well and bear your years very well: welcome, good Sir John.80 Fal. I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think?[3901] Shal. No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission[3902] with me. Fal. Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be[3902]85 of the peace. Sil. Your good worship is welcome. Fal. Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you[3903] provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?[3904] Shal. Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?90 Fal. Let me see them, I beseech you. Shal. Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so,[3905] so, so: yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as[3906] I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me see; where95 is Mouldy? Moul. Here, an't please you.[3907] Shal. What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow; young, strong, and of good friends. Fal. Is thy name Mouldy?100 Moul. Yea, an't please you.[3908] Fal. 'Tis the more time thou wert used. Shal. Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! things that[3909] are mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith, well[3910] said, Sir John; very well said.105 Fal. Prick him.[3911] Moul. I was pricked well enough before, an you could[3912] have let me alone: my old dame will be undone now, for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter to go out110 than I. Fal. Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent. Moul. Spent! Shal. Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you115 where you are? For the other, Sir John: let me see:[3913][3914] Simon Shadow![3914] Fal. Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's[3915] like to be a cold soldier. Shal. Where's Shadow?120 Shad. Here, sir. Fal. Shadow, whose son art thou? Shad. My mother's son, sir. Fal. Thy mother's son! like enough, and thy father's shadow: so the son of the female is the shadow of the male:125 it is often so, indeed; but much of the father's substance![3916] Shal. Do you like him, Sir John? Fal. Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we[3917] have a number of shadows to fill up the muster-book.[3918] Shal. Thomas Wart!130 Fal. Where's he? Wart. Here, sir. Fal. Is thy name Wart? Wart. Yea, sir. Fal. Thou art a very ragged wart.135 Shal. Shall I prick him down, Sir John?[3919] Fal. It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon[3920] his back, and the whole frame stands upon pins: prick him no more. Shal. Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I140 commend you well. Francis Feeble! Fee. Here, sir. Fal. What trade art thou, Feeble? Fee. A woman's tailor, sir. Shal. Shall I prick him, sir?145 Fal. You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ld ha' pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an[3921] enemy's battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat? Fee. I will do my good will, sir: you can have no more. Fal. Well said, good woman's tailor! well said,150 courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the woman's tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.[3922] Fee. I would Wart might have gone, sir. Fal. I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst155 mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a[3923] private soldier, that is the leader of so many thousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble. Fee. It shall suffice, sir.[3924] Fal. I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is160 next?[3925] Shal. Peter Bullcalf o' the green! Fal. Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf. Bull. Here, sir. Fal. 'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me[3926]165 Bullcalf till he roar again. Bull. O Lord! good my lord captain,—[3927] Fal. What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?[3928] Bull. O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.[3927] Fal. What disease hast thou?170 Bull. A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing in the king's affairs upon his coronation-day, sir. Fal. Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we will have away thy cold; and I will take such order that175 thy friends shall ring for thee. Is here all? Shal. Here is two more called than your number; you[3929] must have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner. Fal. Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot180 tarry dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master[3930] Shallow. Shal. O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill in Saint George's field?[3931] Fal. No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more[3932]185 of that.[3932] Shal. Ha! 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive? Fal. She lives, Master Shallow. Shal. She never could away with me.[3933]190 Fal. Never, never; she would always say she could not abide Master Shallow. Shal. By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She[3934] was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well? Fal. Old, old, Master Shallow.195 Shal. Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old; certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.[3935] Sil. That's fifty five year ago.[3936] Shal. Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that200 that this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well? Fal. We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow. Shal. That we have, that we have, that we have; in[3937]205 faith, Sir John, we have: our watch-word was 'Hem boys!'[3938] Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner: Jesus, the[3939] days that we have seen! Come, come.

Bull. Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and here's four Harry ten shillings in French210 crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.215 Bard. Go to; stand aside. Moul. And, good master corporal captain, for my old[3941] dame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to do any[3942] thing about her when I am gone; and she is old, and cannot help herself: you shall have forty, sir.[3943]220 Bard. Go to; stand aside. Fee. By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once:[3944] we owe God a death: I'll ne'er bear a base mind: an't[3945][3946] be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: no man is too good to[3946] serve's prince; and let it go which way it will, he that dies[3947]225 this year is quit for the next. Bard. Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.[3948] Fee. Faith, I'll bear no base mind.

Fal. Come, sir, which men shall I have? Shal. Four of which you please.230 Bard. Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf. Fal. Go to; well. Shal. Come, Sir John, which four will you have? Fal. Do you choose for me.235 Shal. Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.[3950] Fal. Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at[3951] home till you are past service: and for your part, Bullcalf,[3952] grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.240 Shal. Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong: they are your likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best. Fal. Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the stature, bulk,245 and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit, Master[3953] Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what a ragged appearance[3954] it is: a' shall charge you and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer's hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer's bucket. And this same250 half-faced fellow, Shadow; give me this man: he presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat; how[3955] swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor run off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a255 caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph. Bard. Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.[3956] Fal. Come, manage me your caliver. So: very well: go to: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i' faith, Wart;[3957]260 thou'rt a good scab: hold, there's a tester for thee.[3957] Shal. He is not his craft's-master; he doth not do it[3958] right. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at Clement's Inn,—I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's show,—there was a little quiver fellow, and a' would manage you[3959]265 his piece thus; and a' would about and about, and come[3959] you in and come you in: 'rah, tah, tah,' would a' say;[3959] 'bounce' would a' say; and away again would a' go, and[3959] again would a' come: I shall ne'er see such a fellow.[3959][3960] Fal. These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. God[3961][3962]270 keep you, Master Silence: I will not use many words with[3961][3962][3963] you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thank you: I must[3962] a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, give the soldiers coats. Shal. Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your[3964] affairs! God send us peace! At your return visit our[3965][3966]275 house; let our old acquaintance be renewed: peradventure[3966] I will with ye to the court.[3967] Fal. 'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.[3968] Shal. Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.[3969] Fal. Fare you well, gentle gentlemen. [Exeunt[3970]280 Justices.] On, Bardolph; lead the men away. [Exeunt[3971] Bardolph, Recruits, &c.] As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord,[3972] Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying![3972] This same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to[3973]285 me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street; and every third word a lie, duer[3974] paid to the hearer than the Turk's tribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a' was naked, he was, for all the290 world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife: a' was so forlorn, that his dimensions to any thick sight were invincible: a' was the very genius[3975] of famine; yet lecherous as a monkey, and the whores[3976] called him mandrake: a' came ever in the rearward of the[3976][3977]295 fashion, and sung those tunes to the overscutched huswives[3978][3979] that he heard the carmen whistle, and sware they were his[3978] fancies or his good-nights. And now is this Vice's dagger[3978][3980] become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John a Gaunt[3981] as if he had been sworn brother to him; and I'll be sworn300 a' ne'er saw him but once in the Tilt-yard; and then he[3982] burst his head for crowding among the marshal's men.[3983] I saw it, and told John a Gaunt he beat his own name; for you might have thrust him and all his apparel into an[3984] eel-skin; the case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for305 him, a court: and now has he land and beefs. Well, I'll[3985] be acquainted with him, if I return; and it shall go hard[3986] but I will make him a philosopher's two stones to me:[3987] if the young dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I may snap at him. Let[3988]310 time shape, and there an end. [Exit.[3989]