Act 2 — Scene I. Rochester. An inn yard.
Reading edition
Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand.[2227]
First Car. Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day,[2228] I'll be hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! Ost. [Within] Anon, anon.[2229] First Car. I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a5 few flocks in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers[2230] out of all cess.
Enter another Carrier.[2231]
Sec. Car. Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog,[2232] and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this[2233] house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.[2234]10 First Car. Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of[2235] oats rose; it was the death of him. Sec. Car. I think this be the most villanous house in[2236] all London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.[2237] First Car. Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a[2237][2238]15 king christen could be better bit than I have been since[2239] the first cock. Sec. Car. Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and[2240] then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds[2241] fleas like a loach.20 First Car. What, ostler! come away and be hanged! come away. Sec. Car. I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of[2242] ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing-cross. First Car. God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are[2243]25 quite starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An 'twere not[2244] as good deed as drink, to break the pate on thee, I am a[2245] very villain. Come, and be hanged! hast no faith in thee?
Enter Gadshill.[2246]
Gads. Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?30 First Car. I think it be two o'clock. Gads. I prithee, lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding in the stable. First Car. Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth[2247] two of that, i' faith.[2248]35 Gads. I pray thee, lend me thine.[2249] Sec. Car. Ay, when? canst tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.[2250] Gads. Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?40 Sec. Car. Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the gentlemen: they will along with company, for they have great charge. [Exeunt Carriers.[2251] Gads. What, ho! chamberlain![2252]45 Cham. [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.[2253] Gads. That's even as fair as—at hand, quoth the[2254] chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from labouring; thou layest the plot how.[2255]50
Enter Chamberlain.
Cham. Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one that hath abundance55 of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and butter: they will away presently. Gads. Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' clerks, I'll give thee this neck. Cham. No, I'll none of it: I pray thee, keep that for[2256]60 the hangman; for I know thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may. Gads. What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no starveling[2257]65 Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession some grace; that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake, make all whole. I am joined[2258] with no foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,[2259]70 none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; but[2260] with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,[2261][2262] such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than[2262][2263] speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than[2263][2264] pray: and yet, 'zounds, I lie; for they pray continually to[2265]75 their saint, the commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her,[2266][2267] but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and[2267][2268] make her their boots.[2268] Cham. What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold out water in foul way?80 Gads. She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible. Cham. Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding[2269] to the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.[2270]85 Gads. Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man.[2271] Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. Gads. Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men.90 Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,[2272] you muddy knave. [Exeunt.[2273]