Act 2 — Scene II. The highway, near Gadshill.
Reading edition
Enter Prince Henry and Poins.[2274]
Poins. Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet. Prince. Stand close.
Enter Falstaff.[2275]
Fal. Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins! Prince. Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling[2276]5 dost thou keep! Fal. Where's Poins, Hal?[2277] Prince. He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.[2278] Fal. I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the[2279]10 rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not[2280] where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot,[2281] I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and[2282]15 twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's[2282][2283] company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else; I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you[2284] both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further.[2285]20 An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true[2286] man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that[2287] ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough: a plague upon it[2288]25 when thieves cannot be true one to another! [They whistle.][2289] Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you[2290] rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged! Prince. Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread of[2291]30 travellers. Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot[2292] again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?35 Prince. Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted. Fal. I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's son. Prince. Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?[2293]40 Fal. Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters![2294] If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made[2295] on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my[2296] poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.[2297]
Enter Gadshill, Bardolph and Peto with him.[2298]
Gads. Stand.45 Fal. So I do, against my will. Poins. O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph,[2299] what news?[2299] Bard. Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there's[2300] money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going to the50 king's exchequer. Fal. You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.[2301] Gads. There's enough to make us all.[2302] Fal. To be hanged. Prince. Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow[2303]55 lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape from[2304] your encounter, then they light on us. Peto. How many be there of them?[2305] Gads. Some eight or ten. Fal.'Zounds, will they not rob us?[2306]60 Prince. What, a coward, Sir John Paunch? Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;[2307] but yet no coward, Hal. Prince. Well, we leave that to the proof.[2308] Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:65 when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell,[2309] and stand fast. Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged. Prince. Ned, where are our disguises? Poins. Here, hard by: stand close.70
[Exeunt Prince and Poins.[2310]
Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:[2311] every man to his business.
Enter the Travellers.[73]
First Trav. Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our[2312][2313][2314] horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease[2314] our legs.[2314]75 Thieves. Stand![2314][2315] Travellers. Jesus bless us![2314][2316] Fal. Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:[2314] ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us[2314][2317] youth: down with them; fleece them.[2314]80 Travellers. O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever![2314] Fal. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No,[2314][2318] ye fat chuffs; I would your store were here! On, bacons,[2314] on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are[2314][2319] grandjurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith.[2314]85
[Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.
Re-enter Prince Henry and Poins.[2320]
Prince. The thieves have bound the true men. Now[2321] could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest for ever. Poins. Stand close; I hear them coming.[2322]90
Enter the Thieves again.[2323]
Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two[2295] arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more[2324] valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck. Prince. Your money!95 Poins. Villains!
[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them.[2325]
Prince. Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse: The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear[2326][2327] So strongly that they dare not meet each other;[2326] Each takes his fellow for an officer.[2326][2328]100 Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,[2326][2329] And lards the lean earth as he walks along:[2326] Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.[2326] Poins. How the rogue roar'd! [Exeunt.