Act 5 — ACT V. SCENE I.
Reading edition
A Chamber.[679]
Enter Courtesans and Mistress Newcut.
First C. Come forth, you wary, private-whispering strumpet! Have we found your close haunts, your private watch-towers, and your subtle means?
Mis. N. How then?
Sec. C. You can steal secretly hither, you mystical quean you, at twilight, twitter-lights![680]
You have a privilege from your hat,[681] forsooth,
310To walk without a man, and no suspicion;
But we poor gentlewomen that go in tires
Have no such liberty, we cannot do thus:
Custom grants that to you that’s shame in us.
Mis. N. Have you done yet?
Sec. C. You broke the back of one husband already; and now th’ other’s dead with grief at sea, with your secret expenses, close stealths, cunning filches, and continued banquets in corners. Then, forsooth, you must have your milk-baths to white you, your rose-leaves to sweeten you, your bean-flour bags[682] to sleek you, and make you soft, smooth, and delicate, for lascivious entertainment!
Mis. N. So, and you think all this while you dance like a thief in a mist, you’re safe, nobody can find you! Pray, were not you a feltmonger’s daughter at first, that run away with a new courtier for the love of gentlewomen’s clothes, and bought the fashion at a dear rate, with the loss of your name and credit? Why, what are all of you but rustical insides and city flesh, the blood of yeomen, and the bum of gentlewomen?
Sec. C. What, shall we suffer a changeable forepart to out-tongue us? Take that! [Attacking her.
Mis. N. Murder, murder!
Enter Fitsgrave.
Fit. How now! Why, ladies, a retreat! come, you have shewn your spirits sufficiently: you’re all land-captains; and so they shall find that come in your quarters; but have you the law free now to 311fight and scratch among yourselves, and let your gallants run away with others?[683]
First C. How!
Sec. C. Good——
First C. Sweet master Bouser!
Mis. N. Another? [Aside.
Fit. Why, then, I perceive you know nothing: why, they are in the way of marriage; a knight’s daughter here in town makes her election among ’em this night.
First C. This night?
Fit. This very night; and they all present themselves in a masque before her: know you not this?
Sec. C. O traitor master Goldstone!
Third C.[684] Perjured master Tailby!
Mis. N. Without soul? [Aside.
First C. She will chase him!
Fit. You have more cause to join,
And play the grounds of friendship ’mongst yourselves,
Than rashly run division: I could tell you
A means to pleasure you——
First C. Good master Bouser!
Fit. But that you’re women, and are hardly secret——
Sec. C. We vow it seriously.
Fit. You should be all there in presence,
See all, hear all, and yet not they perceive you.
Third C. So that——
Mis. N. Sweet master Bouser, I——
Fit. I can stand you in stead;
For I frame the device——
312All. If ever——
Fit. Will you do’t—hark you— [Whispers.
First C. Content.
Sec. C. And I’ll make one.
Third C. And I another:
We’ll mar the match.
Mis. N. When that good news[685] came of my husband’s death,
Goldstone[686] promis’d me marriage,
And sware to me——
Sec. C. I’ll bring his oaths in question.
First C. So will I.[687]
Fit. Agree among yourselves, for shame!
First C. Are we resolv’d?
Sec. C. In this who would not feign?
Third C. Friends all, for my part.
Mis. N. Here’s my[688] lip for mine.
Third C. Round let it go.
Sec. C. All wrath thus quench’d.
First C. And I conclude it so.
[Exeunt all except Fitsgrave.
Fit. How all events strike even with my wishes!
Their own invention damns them.—
Enter two Gentlemen, and Pyamont and Bungler.
Now, gentlemen,
Stands your assistance firm?
First G. Why, ’tis our own case;
I’m sorry you should doubt.
Sec. G. We’ll furnish you.
313Bun.[689] Are these our gallants?
Fit. Are our gallants these?
Enter Painter with Shields.
Pai. Here be five shields, sir.
Fit. Finished already? that’s well: I’ll see thy master shortly.
Pai. I’m satisfied. [Exit.
Py. Prithee, let’s see, master Fitsgrave.
Fit. I have blazed them.
First G. What’s this?
Sec. G. Fooh,[690] you should be a gallant too, for you’re no university scholar.
Fit. Look, this is Pursenet; the device, a purse wide open, and the mouth downward: the word,[691] Alienis ecce crumenis!
First G. What’s that?
Fit. One that lives out of other men’s pockets.
Py. That’s right!
Fit. Here’s Goldstone’s, three silver dice.
First G. They run high, two cinques and a quater!
Fit. They’re high-men,[692] fit for his purpose: the word, Fratremque patremque.
Sec. G. Nay, he will cheat his own brother; nay, his own father, i’faith!
Fit. So much the word imports.—Master Primero—
Bun.[693] Pox, what says he now?
314Fit. The device, an unvalued[694] pearl hid in a cave; the word, Occultos vendit honores.
First G. What’s that?
Fit. One that sells maidenheads by wholesale.
Sec. G. Excellently proper!
Fit. Master Frip——
Sec. G. That Pythagorical rascal![695] in a gentleman’s suit to-day, in a knight’s to-morrow.
Fit. The device for him, a cuckoo sitting on a tree; the word, En avis ex avibus! one bird made of many; for you know as the sparrow hatches the cuckoo, so the gentleman feathers the broker.
First G. Let me admire thee, master Fitsgrave!
Fit. They will scorn gentlemen; and to assist them the better, Pursenet’s boy, that little precious pickpocket, has a compendious speech in Latin, and, like a Mercury, presents their dispositions more liberally.
First G. Never were poor gallants so abused.
Fit. Hang ’em!
They’re counterfeits; no honest spirit will pity ’em.
This is my crown;[696]
So good men smile, I dread no rascal’s frown.
Away, bestow yourselves secretly o’erhead;
This is the place appointed for the rehearsal,
To practise their behaviours.
First G. We are vanish’d.
[Exeunt two Gentlemen, Pyamont, and Bungler,
who presently station themselves above.
Enter Goldstone, Pursenet, Tailby, Frippery, Primero, and Boy.
Gol. Master Bouser——
315Pur. Well said, i’faith; off with your cloaks, gallants; let’s fall roundly to our business.
Tai. Is the boy perfect?
Fit. That’s my credit, sir, I warrant you.
Fri. If our little Mercury should be out, we should scarce be known what we are.
Fit. I have took a course for that, fear it not, sir. Look you, first, here be your shields.
Gol. Ay, where be our shields?
Pur. Which is mine?
Tai. Which is mine, master Bouser? this?
Fit. I pray, be contained[697] a little, gentlemen; they’ll come all time enough to you, I warrant.
Pur. This Frip is grown so violent!
Fit. Yours to begin withal, sir.
Pur. Well said, master Bouser!
Fit. First the[698] device, a fair purse wide open, the mouth downward; the word, Alienis ecce crumenis!
Pur. What’s that, prithee?
Fit. Your bounty pours itself forth to all men.
Pur. And so it does, i’faith; that’s all my fault, bountiful.
Fit. Master Goldstone, here’s yours, sir: three silver dice; the word, Fratremque patremque.
Gol. And what’s that?
Fit. Fortune of my side.
Gol. Well said, little Bouser, i’faith!
Tai. What say you to me, sir?
Fit. For the device, a candle in a corner; the word, Consumptio victus.
Tai. The meaning of that, sir?
Fit. My light is yet in darkness till I enjoy her.
316Tai. Right, sir.[699]
Pri. Now mine, sir?
Fit. The device, an unvalued[700] pearl hid in a cave.
Pri. Aha, sirs!
Fit. The word, Occultos vendit honores.
Pri. Very good, I warrant.
Fit. A black man’s a pearl in a fair lady’s eye.
Pri. I said ’twas some such thing.
Fri. My turn must needs come now: am I fitted, master Bouser?
Fit. Trust to me; your device here is a cuckoo sitting on a tree.
Fri. The Welsh leiger;[701] good.
Fit. The word, En avis ex avibus!
Fri. Ay, marry, sir.
Fit. Why do you know what ’tis, sir?
Fri. No, by my troth, not yet, sir.
Fit. O!—I keep one tune, I recant not.
Fri. I’m like the cuckoo in that indeed: where I love I hold.
Fit. Did I not promise you I would fit you?
Gol. They’re all very well done, i’faith, and very scholarlike, though I say’t before thy face, little Bouser; but I would not have thee proud on’t now: come, if this be performed well——
Pur. Who, the boy? he has performed deeper matters than this.
Py. Ay, a pox on him! I think was in my pocket now, and[702] truth were known. [Aside.
Bun. I caught him once in mine. [Aside.
Fit. Suppose the shields are presented, then you begin, boy.
317Boy. I, representing Mercury, am a pickpocket, and have his part at my fingers’ ends: Page I am to that great and secret thief, magno illo et secreto latroni——
Fit.[703] There you make your honour, sir.
Boy. At latroni?
Fit.[704] You have it, sir.
Pur.[705] Latroni, that’s mine.
Fit. He confesses the thief’s his.
Pur. Remember, boy, you point latroni to me.
Boy. To you, master.
Fit. Proceed.[706]
Boy.[707] These four are his companions: the one a notable cheater, that will cozen his own father——
Fit. Master Goldstone.
Gol. Let me alone, master Bouser; I can take mine own turn.
Fit. Why——
Gol. Peace.
Boy.[708] The second a notorious lecher, maintained by harlots, cujus virtus consumptio corporis.[709]
Tai. That’s I, master Bouser.
Fit. There you remember your honour, sir.
Boy. Ille leno pretiosissimus, virgineos ob lucrum vendens honores.
Pur.[710] It sounds very well, i’faith.
Boy. Postremus ille, quamvis apparatu splendidus, is no otherwise but a broker; these feathers are not his own, sed avis ex avibus: all which to be nothing but truth will appear by the event.
Fit. I’faith, here’s all now, gentlemen.
318Gol. Short and pithy.
Tai. A good boy, i’faith, and a pregnant!
Pur. I dare put trust in the boy, sir.—Forget not, sirrah, at any hand, to point that same latroni to me.
Boy. I warrant you, master.
Gol. Come, gentlemen, the time beckons us away.
Fit. Ay, furnish, gentlemen, furnish.
Pur. Hark, one word, master Bouser: what’s the same latroni? I have a good mind to that word, i’faith.
Fit. Latroni? why, shrieve[711] of the shire.
Pur. I’faith, and I have shriven some shires in my days.
[Exeunt Goldstone, Pursenet, Tailby,
Frippery, Primero, and Boy.
Fit. Now, gentlemen, are you satisfied and pleas’d?
First G. Never more amply.
Fit. Amongst us now falls that desired lot,
For we shall blast five rivals with one plot.
[Exit: and exeunt Gentlemen, &c. above.