Act 3 — ACT III. SCENE I.
Reading edition
A Hall in Harebrain’s House.
Enter Harebrain, Inesse, and Possibility.
Pos. You see bold guests, master Harebrain.
Har. You’re kindly welcome to my house, good master Inesse and master Possibility.
In. That’s our presumption, sir.
Har. Ralph!
Enter Ralph.
Ral. Here, sir.
Har. Call down your mistress to welcome these two gentlemen, my friends.
Ral. I shall, sir. [Exit.
Har. I will observe her carriage, and watch
The slippery revolutions of her eye;
I’ll lie in wait for every glance she gives,
365And poise her words i’ th’ balance of suspect:
If she but swag,[798] she’s gone; either on this hand
Over familiar, or this too neglectful:
It does behove her carry herself even. [Aside.
Pos. But, master Harebrain——
Har. True, I hear you, sir; was’t you said?
Pos. I have not spoke it yet, sir.
Har. Right, so I say.
Pos. Is it not strange, that in so short a time my little lady Gullman should be so violently handled?
Har. O, sickness has no mercy, sir!
It neither pities lady’s lip nor eye;
It crops the rose out of the virgin’s cheek,
And so deflowers her that was ne’er deflower’d.[799]
Fools, then, are maids to lock from men that treasure
Which death will pluck, and never yield ’em pleasure.
Ah, gentlemen, though I shadow it, that sweet virgin’s sickness grieves me not lightly! she was my wife’s only delight and company. Did you not hear her, gentlemen, i’ th’ midst of her extremest fit, still how she called upon my wife, remembered still my wife, sweet mistress Harebrain? When she sent for me, a’ one side of her bed stood the physician, the scrivener on the other; two horrible objects, but mere opposites in the course of their lives, for the scrivener binds folks, and the physician makes them loose.
366Pos. But not loose of their bonds, sir.
Har. No, by my faith, sir, I say not so: if the physician could make ’em loose of their bonds, there’s many a one would take physic, that dares not now for poisoning. But, as I was telling of you, her will was fashioning, wherein I found her best and richest jewel given as a legacy unto my wife: when I read that, I could not refrain weeping. Well, of all other my wife has most reason to visit her; if she have any good nature in her, she’ll shew it there.—
Re-enter Ralph.
Now, sir, where’s your mistress?
Ral. She desires you, and the gentlemen your friends, to hold her excused; sh’as a fit of an ague now upon her, which begins to shake her.
Har. Where does it shake her most?
Ral. All over her body, sir.
Har. Shake all her body? ’tis a saucy fit, I’m jealous of that ague. [Aside.]—Pray, walk in, gentlemen; I’ll see you instantly. [Exeunt Inesse and Possibility.
Ral. Now they are absent, sir, ’tis no such thing.
Har. What?
Ral. My mistress has her health, sir,
But ’tis her suit she may confine herself
From sight of all men but your own dear self, sir;
For since the sickness of that modest virgin,
Her only company, she delights in none.
Har. No? visit her again, commend me to her,
Tell her they’re gone, and only I myself
Walk here t’ exchange a word or two with her.
Ral. I’ll tell her so, sir. [Exit.
Har. Fool that I am, and madman, beast! what worse?
367Suspicious o’er a creature that deserves
The best opinion and the purest thought;
Watchful o’er her that is her watch herself;
To doubt her ways that looks too narrowly
Into her own defects: I, foolish-fearful,
Have often rudely, out of giddy flames,
Barr’d her those objects which she shuns herself.
Thrice I’ve had proof of her most constant temper:
Come I at unawares by stealth upon her,
I find her circled in with divine writs
Of heavenly meditations; here and there
Chapters with leaves tuck’d up, which when I see,
They either tax pride or adultery.
Ah, let me curse myself, that could be jealous
Of her whose mind no sin can make rebellious!
And here the unmatch’d comes.
Enter Mistress Harebrain.
Now, wife, i’faith, they’re gone;
Push,[800] see how fearful ’tis! will you not credit me?
They’re gone, i’faith; why, think you I’ll betray you?
Come, come; thy delight and mine,
Thy only virtuous friend, thy sweet instructress,
Is violently taken, grievous sick,
And, which is worse, she mends not.
Mis. H. Her friends are sorry for that, sir.
Har. She calls still upon thee, poor soul, remembers thee still, thy name whirls in her breath; where’s mistress Harebrain? says she.
Mis. H. Alas, good soul!
Har. She made me weep thrice:
Sh’as put thee in a jewel in her will.
Mis. H. E’en to th’ last gasp a kind soul!
368Har. Take my man, go, visit her.
Mis. H. Pray, pardon me, sir;
Alas, my visitation cannot help her!
Har. O, yet the kindness of a thing, wife!—Still
She holds the same rare temper. [Aside.]—Take my man, I say.
Mis. H. I would not take your man, sir,
Though I did purpose going.
Har. No? thy reason.
Mis. H. The world’s condition is itself so vild,[801] sir,
’Tis apt to judge the worst of those deserve not;
’Tis an ill-thinking age, and does apply
All to the form of its own luxury;[802]
This censure flies from one, that from another;
That man’s her squire, says he; her pimp, the tother;
She’s of the stamp, a third; fourth, I ha’ known her:
I’ve heard this, not without a burning cheek.
Then our attires are tax’d; our very gait
Is call’d in question; where[803] a husband’s presence
Scatters such thoughts, or makes ’em sink for fear
Into the hearts that breed ’em: nay, surely,
If I went, sir, I would entreat your company.
Har. Mine? prithee, wife;—I have been there already.
Mis. H. That’s all one; although you bring me but to th’ door, sir, I would entreat no farther.
Har. Thou’rt such a wife! why, I will bring thee thither then, but not go up, I swear.
Mis. H. I’faith, you shall not; I do not desire it, sir.
369Har. Why, then, content.
Mis. H. Give me your hand, you will do so, sir?
Har. Why, there’s my lip I will.
Mis. H. Why, then I go, sir.
Har. With me, or no man! incomparable such a woman! [Aside.]
[Exeunt.