Act 4 — SCENE VII.

A Room in Mistress Newcut’s House: Marmaduke laying the cloth for dinner.

Enter Mistress Newcut.

Mis. N. Why, how now, sirrah? upon twelve of the clock, and not the cloth laid yet? must we needs keep Exchange time still?

Mar. I am about it, forsooth.

Mis. N. You’re about it, forsooth? you’re still about many things, but you ne’er do one well. I am an ass to keep thee in th’ house, now my husband’s at sea; thou hast no audacity with thee; a foolish, dreaming lad, fitter to be in the garret than in any place else; no grace nor manly behaviour: when didst thou ever come to me but with thy head hanging down? O decheerful ’prentice, uncomfortable servant! [Exit Marmaduke.]—Pray heaven the gull, my cousin, has so much wit left as to bring master Tailby along with him, my comfort, my delight! for that was the chiefest cause I did invite him. I bade him bring what gentleman he pleased to accompany him; as far as I durst go: why may he not then make choice of master Tailby? had he my wit or feeling he would do’t.

Enter Bungler, and Goldstone disguised.

Bun. Where’s my sweet cousin here? does she lack any guess?^[644]

294Mis. N. Ever such guess as you: you’re welcome, cousin.

Gol. I am rude, lady.

Mis. N. You’re most welcome, sir.

Bun. There will be a gallant here anon, coz; he promised faithfully.

Mis. N. Who is’t? master Tailby?

Bun. Master Tailby? no, master Goldstone.

Mis. N. Master Goldstone? I could think well of that Goldstone were’t not for one vild^[645] trick he has.

Gol. What’s that, lady?

Mis. N. In jest he will pawn his punks for suppers.

Gol. That’s a vild part in him, i’faith, and^[646] he were my brother.

Mis. N. Pray, gentlemen, sit awhile; your dinner shall come presently. [Exit.

Gol. Yea, mistress Newcut? at first give me a trip?

A close bite always asks a secret nip. [Aside.

Bun. My cousin here is a very kind-natured soul, i’faith, in her humour.

Gol. Pooh, you know her not so well as I, coz; I have observed her in all her humours; you ne’er saw her a little waspish, I think.

Bun. I have [not], i’faith.

Gol. Pooh, then ye ne’er saw pretty humour in your life; I can bring her into’t when I list.

Bun. Would you could, i’faith!

Gol. Would I could? by my troth, and I were sure thou couldst keep thy countenance, coz, what a pretty jest have I thought upon already to entertain time before dinner!

295Bun. Prithee, coz, what is’t? I love a jest a’ life,^[647] i’faith.

Gol. Ah, but I am jealous^[648] you will not keep your countenance, i’faith! Why, ye shall see a pretty story of a humour.^[649] Faith, I’ll try you for once: you know my cousin will wonder when she comes in to see the cloth laid, and ne’er a salt upon the board.

Bun. That’s true, i’faith.

Gol. Now will I stand a while out of sight with it, and give her humour play a little.

Bun. Coz, dost thou love me? and thou wilt ever do any thing for me, do’t.

Gol. Marry, I build upon you[r] countenance.

Bun. Why, dost thou think I’m an ass, coz?

Gol. I would be loath to undertake it else; for if you should burst out presently, coz, the jest would be spoiled.

Bun. Why, do not I know that? Away, stand close: [exit Goldstone with the salt-cellar] so, so; mum, cousin.—A merry companion, i’faith: here will be good sport anon,—whist, she comes.

Re-enter Mistress Newcut.

Mis. N. I make you stay^[650] long for a bad dinner here, cousin; if master Goldstone were come, the meat’s e’en ready.

Bun. Some great business detains him, cousin; but he’ll not be long now.

Mis. N. Why, how now? cuds my life!——

Bun. Why——

296Mis. N. Was ever mistress so plagued with a shuttle-headed servant!—Why, Marmaduke!

Re-enter Marmaduke.

Mar. I come, forsooth.

Mis. N. Able to shame me from generation to generation!

Mar. Did you call, forsooth?

Mis. N. Come hither, forsooth: did you lay this cloth?

Mar. Yes, forsooth.

Mis. N. Do you use to lay a cloth without a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt!

Mar. How many salts would you have? I’m sure I set the best i’ th’ house upon the board.

Bun. How, cousin? [sings] Cousin, cousin, did call, coz?

Mis. N. Did you see a salt upon the board when you came in?

Bun. Pooh!

Mis. N. Come, come, I thought as much; beshrew your fingers, where is’t now?

Bun. Your cousin yonder——

Mis. N. Why, the man’s mad!

Bun. Cousin, hist, cousin!

Mis. N. What say you?

Bun. Pooh, I call not you, I call my cousin.—Come forth with the salt, cousin! Ha! how? nobody? Why, was not he that came in e’en now your cousin?

Mis. N. My cousin? O my bell-salt, O my great bell-salt!

Re-enter Goldstone in his own dress.

Bun. The tenor bell-salt. O, here comes master Goldstone now, cousin; he may tell us some news 297on him.—Did you not meet a fellow about door with a great silver salt under his arm?

Gol. No, sure; I met none such.

Mis. N. Pardon me, sir, I forgot all this while to bid you welcome. I shall loathe this room for ever. Take hence the cloth, you unlucky, maple-faced^[651] rascal.—Come, you shall dine in my chamber, sir.

Gol. No better place, lady. [Exeunt.