Cupid and the Dentist. By Dr. Paul S. Coleman.

The man who interferes in the love affairs of the passionate, hot-blooded people of Central America is likely to find he has stirred up a veritable hornets’ nest, and will be lucky if he escapes with his life. Such, at least, was Dr. Coleman’s experience in Salvador, but fortunately everything ended happily for all concerned.

Those readers of The Wide World who are familiar with my former narrative, entitled “Fallen Among Thieves,”1 will remember that my object in going into Central America was for the purpose of practising dentistry.

While actively engaged in my profession in the Salvadorean city of Santa Ana, the following series of incidents occurred, which served to put a great deal of excitement into what might otherwise have been a somewhat humdrum existence.

Before going farther it is necessary that the reader should understand some of the characteristics of the Salvadoreans, who are descendants of the ancient Spanish adventurers, with an admixture of native blood.

The women, in my humble opinion, are for intelligence, character, and beauty the superiors of any other nation inhabiting the southern portion of the Western Hemisphere. As for the men, the Spanish blood seems to predominate in point of passion, for, besides being the most valiant soldier in time of war of any Central American race, the Salvadorean is also the most ardent lover and the most jealously-inclined towards his inamorata of any person upon the face of the earth. That also is my humble opinion, and that I have good grounds for my statement will presently appear.

There are just two things the foreigner in Salvador must not do: he must not poke his nose into political squabbles or try to interfere in a love affair. Ten times out of ten, if you do, it will be to your very great sorrow not counting the danger you run.

Now, when the wealthy coffee-planter or “hacienda” owner has need of the services of a doctor or dental surgeon he never thinks of leaving his plantation, but rounds up his mule-train, heads it with an excellent saddle animal, sends it off to the doctor, and invites the latter to pay him a visit. Experience has taught the practitioners that these invitations are very remunerative, and when the call comes business must certainly be very brisk to warrant a refusal. I, for one, have never found it advisable to decline, and so it happened that one Sunday afternoon I received a polite note requesting me to visit the Señor Don Eduardo Castillo, owner of the immense coffee plantation known as “Las Flores.” I should mention here that I have been compelled to use assumed names, for the family concerned is one of the most prominent in Salvador, and would not care for the notoriety which the publication of their name would give them.

Next morning found me with my entire dental paraphernalia packed upon the backs of a number of mules, and myself, under the escort of half-a-dozen servants, traversing the mountain trails leading around the base of the big volcano eight miles north of Santa Ana, upon the way to the “finca” of Las Flores. The journey was made without incident, though it was far into the night before we arrived, the distance traversed being something like forty-five miles.

Señor Eduardo met me at the door, and after partaking of a late dinner, being very much fatigued, I retired to my room, which was situated at the extreme end of the immense building. In point of furnishings and size the place constituted a small palace. Indeed, the manner in which the wealthy owners of these South American coffee plantations have managed to gather the comforts of life and many luxuries at so great a distance from a seaport or railroad is perfectly astounding. They have practically every modern convenience, and many others which you or I have never been used to.

It was late next morning when I awoke, very sore and stiff from my long ride. I found, however, that I was just in time for “coffee,” which is usually served at ten o’clock. Here I had the pleasure of meeting the members of the family, consisting of the mother, an aunt, one son, and two very charming daughters, both of whom spoke perfect English, having attended a school in the City of London for several years. I decided immediately that my four weeks’ visit was going to be very enjoyable, and I flattered myself that I had made a fairly good impression upon my hosts.

Life upon the “finca” was indeed delightful. Situated as it was at an altitude of over four thousand feet above sea-level, the days and nights were exhilaratingly cool and pleasant. I soon struck up a friendship—which still lasts—with the son of the house, and we enjoyed many pleasant hours in riding over the surrounding country. To the left, adjoining the plantation, was the immense cattle ranch owned by a young man named Gonzales, who, I found out later, was very much in love with the elder of Don Eduardo’s daughters, while three leagues farther on was another coffee plantation owned by an old man named Vasquez, whose son, I understood, had been paying much attention to the younger girl.

Two weeks passed very happily and speedily. Very early in my visit I became acquainted with how matters stood as regards the two courtships. The younger Vasquez, Roberto, had already proposed and had been accepted, while the other young man, Enrique, had been calling for several years—indeed, he often came two or three times a day—but as yet had never declared himself.

Being by this time well acquainted with Roberto and his betrothed, I laughingly suggested one afternoon to the two daughters and himself that it would be a good idea, as a means of finding out exactly what Enrique’s intentions were, for me to kiss the Señorita Hortensia one day when Enrique called, doing it in such a manner that the bashful lover could not fail to see, but so that his witnessing the act should appear an accident. The señorita, being full of girlish fun, had no objection, and so it came to pass that the very next afternoon, when we saw Enrique coming over, Miss Hortensia and I repaired to a very secluded spot upon the veranda, but one which was clearly visible from the road. There, in plain view of the approaching Enrique, I administered the salute—much to my satisfaction. If I could have foreseen its outcome, however, I should certainly have thought twice about my action.

Enrique saw me kiss the señorita just as he was dismounting, and, with an almost imperceptible start, he remounted his horse and galloped away. Then things began to happen. Hortensia—girl-like—retired to her room and commenced to weep, while her sister Leonia became very distant and chilly in her manner towards me, impressing upon me that if anything unpleasant occurred it would be all my fault. The only ones with whom I seemed to be upon anything like decent terms were the son and the elder people, who knew nothing about the state of miniature warfare I had thoughtlessly provoked. Dinner that evening, in consequence, was a very formal affair.

As, somewhat disconsolately, I pondered over the matter that night before retiring, I resolved to hunt out Enrique early next day, explain things fully, and endeavour to bring about a reconciliation. Having settled the affair satisfactorily in my own mind, I climbed into bed for the night, and, after reading a short while, dropped off to sleep, leaving a lamp burning at my bedside.

How long I slept I do not know, but suddenly something woke me, and I opened my eyes to behold, standing at the foot of the bed, calmly surveying my person, a disreputable-looking Indian! In his right hand he held a “machete,” or huge cane knife, about four feet long, and as I watched him he ran his finger along the edge, seemingly to ascertain whether or not it was sharp enough for the business he intended it for. Grabbing my pillow, I sprang to my feet on the bed and backed against the wall—just in time to catch a heavy blow from the machete upon the pillow, which I held in front of me as a shield. For the moment I had forgotten all about the revolver which I usually kept under my head, and which now lay exposed in the lamplight. As I reached for it the would-be assassin’s nerve failed him, and with a rush he fled out of the door. A moment later I heard him mount a horse and make off at a gallop down the road.

There was, of course, no more sleep for me until daylight. I had no doubt that Enrique, maddened by jealousy, was the prime mover in the performance, which, needless to say, upset me very badly. Nevertheless, I had resolved to see Enrique that day, and now I was more than ever anxious to clear up the unfortunate misunderstanding that had arisen. So, saddling early, I proceeded towards the cattle ranch, taking with me the boy servant who had been kindly assigned to me by Don Eduardo. When we were about a mile from the ranch the boy, to my amazement, suddenly doubled up and began to howl. Springing from my horse and running to him, I found a bullet-hole through the fleshy part of his thigh, from which the blood flowed freely. The wound had undoubtedly been caused by a high-power rifle bullet, fired at such a distance that it was impossible to hear the report. Dressing the wound as best I could, I took the lad up behind me and made for Las Flores, where I put him to bed and redressed the wound. Things were getting a good bit too lively for my liking, and I would much rather have been in Santa Ana just then than where I was. If I had not been afraid of assassination on the road I would certainly have made my departure immediately.

This second adventure, of course, caused considerable excitement in the family, as I had already mentioned my night’s alarm, and I was the object of much sympathy from the young ladies, who now began to take my part. I sent several notes over to Enrique’s place, and Don Eduardo also went across to look him up, but he was not to be found.

“ENRIQUE SAW ME KISS THE SEÑORITA JUST AS HE WAS DISMOUNTING.”

About this time another misfortune befell me. Roberto came over and found me holding a very earnest conversation with his betrothed. Knowing nothing of previous happenings, this fiery-tempered young man became violently enraged, and, without asking any explanation, immediately attacked me with a heavy riding-whip. We had a smart struggle, but I succeeded in wresting it from him and knocking him down with a blow from my fist. Springing to his feet with a snarl, he made off as fast as his legs would carry him, leaving his horse tied to the gate. The señorita promptly swooned, and the last glimpse Roberto got of us showed me carrying the young lady in my arms into the house. I have a faint recollection of seeing him shake his fist at me and grind his gleaming white teeth.

Well, now I was “up against it” properly, with two heart-broken girls on my hands and two lovers vowing to have my life. I discussed the matter at length with Don Eduardo, explaining to him that, while I liked the young ladies very much indeed and valued their friendship greatly, I was not in love with them and had done nothing to warrant anyone in thinking I was, the “kiss incident” notwithstanding. It seemed very hard lines that I should go in peril of my life and get into general hot water through trying, by means of a harmless joke, to bring a bashful or undecided lover “up to the scratch.”

Needless to say, I was very much worried by the turn things were taking, and for several days I got very little sleep. One night, while tossing wakefully upon my bed, I seemed to feel some danger in the air, so much so that I got up and lit the lamp to get rid of the feeling of depression which seemed to overwhelm me. Lying down again, I fell into a light slumber. Presently I was awakened by something touching me upon the shoulder. Opening my eyes, I saw right above me, with his head and one shoulder through the window, the same old Indian who had previously visited me. He was trying to slip a noose over my head by means of a long stick, but the instant I opened my eyes he disappeared. A moment later the noose slipped over the bed-post, dragging the entire end out bodily and jerking it against the wall. There followed a snort and a grunt outside, and the sound of a horse dashing off.

Next morning revealed a broken saddle to which the rope had been tied, it evidently being the intention to jerk me through the window—which stood eleven feet from the ground—thus breaking my neck most effectually.

In spite of this little interlude, the night’s adventures were not yet over by any means, and I had scarcely got over this first shock when a bundle was flung through the window, landing upon the mattress by my side. Shoving it hurriedly off on to the floor, I found it contained a hissing and squirming mass of snakes, and soon the room was filled with a score or so of the vipers usually known in the medical world as “corals”—the only really deadly reptiles in that part of the country, their bite being often known to kill in thirty minutes.

As I slept some distance from anyone else I did not care to arouse the household in the middle of the night, so I spent the remaining hours perched upon a bookcase, out of reach of harm. It is needless to say that before the slaying of the reptiles was over next morning the commotion upon the “finca” was at fever-heat and no work was done at all, the labourers being dispatched in different directions in a vain effort to find either of the two revengeful youths.

At night, when no trace had been found of either of them, Señor Eduardo, greatly perturbed, dispatched a note to the nearest Alcalde for police protection. This, however, could not arrive until the second day, and in the meanwhile I also took a trip over to the two plantations in an effort to locate the belligerents and explain matters.

That night nothing out of the ordinary happened, but I took pains to fasten my room securely, and obtained a good night’s rest. Next day I again endeavoured to locate Messrs. Roberto and Enrique, but without success. The following evening I happened to be strolling up and down the long front veranda with the Señorita Hortensia, who had now become somewhat reconciled to the new state of affairs. We had stopped to look at the reflection of the moon upon a lake a mile or so down the valley, when, without the slightest warning, a figure rose silently from the shadow of a bush and hurled an immense knife directly at the young lady. The father and son, who were sitting upon the steps, saw the movement, and leapt to their feet with yells of alarm. As in the other cases, however, Providence seemed to be with us, and the dagger merely pierced the señorita’s dress, though it missed her body only by a couple of inches.

Seeing that no harm had occurred, we three men sprang forward and captured the would-be assassin just as he was in the act of flinging another of his murderous missiles at the fainting girl. It proved to be Enrique, and he put up a nasty fight before he was finally landed by the heels. At this stage Hortensia, having recovered from the shock, took the lead in the affair and immediately appropriated the prisoner to herself. When we finally got through explaining things to him, he came round completely and apologized most generously for all that he had done. That night there was much rejoicing at Las Flores, and the announcement was made that Enrique and Hortensia were to be married very shortly.

Everyone seemed to have temporarily forgotten about the Señorita Leonia and her troubles, but Enrique suddenly remembered them and volunteered to go immediately and fetch Roberto. An hour later the two young men returned together, and another reconciliation took place. Don Eduardo, all smiles now, settled things for the lovers, and the billing and cooing was quite affecting. Next night a grand “biallie,” or dance, was held at the “finca,” and the whole countryside was invited. Soon after the banns were posted for a double wedding, at which, several weeks later, the girls’ brother and myself acted as “best men.” There is now a little Enrique and a little Roberto, to say nothing of a young Pablo, named in my honour, and of whom I am the proud godfather. Master Pablo little knows, however, what a time his worthy godparent had of it when he foolishly tried to adjust the love affairs of the aforesaid Master Pablo’s parents.

“SHOVING IT HURRIEDLY OFF ON TO THE FLOOR, I FOUND IT CONTAINED A HISSING AND SQUIRMING MASS OF SNAKES.”