LOUIS DOT DOPE

On his recent return from France, Mr. Robert Benchley gave the following statement to reporters who met him at Quarantine with bail.

“Things in France are in a deplorable condition,” said Mr. Benchley. “If Louis XVI keeps on as he has been going for the past few years, I predict a revolution. I can give you no idea of the licentiousness and waste of the French Court at Versailles or of the pitiable state of the common people in Paris. Yes, I can too give you some idea, and, what is more, I will.

“This Louis XVI is nothing but a wastrel. He drinks a great deal, too. And he has gathered about him at Versailles (where he lives) a group of sycophants who are just as bad as he is, according to all reports. I am not one to retail gossip, but I could tell you some of the things that go on out there at Versailles that would make your hair stand on end. And, in the meantime, the people in Paris are actually starving. You can’t get an oyster stew in Paris for love or money, and I have seen the canaille (as the log-rolling wits of the Court call the citizenry) standing in line for hours for something, I couldn’t quite make out what.

“One little incident that I heard of from a pretty good source (Carlyle: page 375) may serve to illustrate the way the wind is blowing. It seems that Louis (as his toadiers call him) was out driving through Paris with his—pardon me—mistress (I mention no names) when the people began crying out for bread. The ‘lady’ in question, who can read French and speak it but who has difficulty in understanding it when it is spoken fast, asked what it was that they were yelling. Louis told her that they said they had no more bread. ‘Let them eat cake then,’ said this certain party. ‘And how about us taking a look in at Cartier’s window?’

“I don’t know how true this is, but I got it from someone on the inside and it shows pretty well the attitude of the nobles towards the common people.

“But there is an undercurrent of discontent which I predict will make itself felt before many months. I happened to go to lunch with a couple of chaps whose names, for obvious reasons, I promised not to mention in this connection, and there was a great deal of talk about how easy it would be to burn down the Bastille (the government jail over there). ‘A couple of good pushes and the Bastille would fall,’ said one of them jokingly. But behind all their joking there was a note of seriousness, and I would recommend that you send a good man over to Paris pretty soon to cover the story, for when it breaks it is going to be a hot one. This is just a tip.

“But, as I was saying, it is out there at Versailles that the big doings go on. I took a trip out there with a letter from Whitney Warren, but they were all out at Chantilly at the races that day and I didn’t see anyone but the Head Guide. He said that if I wanted to come back Sunday the fountains would be playing, but unfortunately I had to sail on Saturday. I did get some inside dope on the situation out there, however, and let me tell you that what goes on out there on a good night is nobody’s business. All these people, it seems, live right out there in the palace together and carry on some pretty rough stuff, I gather. Drinking, gambling, necking, everything. A lot of the married men are out there without their wives, and vice versa. Some nights the parties don’t break up until two and three o’clock. No wonder the taxpayers in Paris are sore. You can mark my words, there will be a reaction.

“I myself didn’t have time to get around much. I was over on business and I like to keep my head clear when I have business to attend to. Summer is when I have my fun. I did go to the theater a couple of times, but everything was in French. And then, too, the coffee is so bad there. The trip back was pretty rough. One day the waves were mountain-high. It certainly seems good to be back in the U. S. A. again.”