COMPILING AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY Suggestions as to How Theodore Dreiser Might Write His Next Human Document and Save Five Years’ Work

CHAPTER I

Up East Division Street, on a hot day in late July, walked two men, one five feet four, the other, the taller of the two, five feet six, the first being two inches shorter than his more elongated companion, and consequently giving the appearance to passers-by on East Division Street, or, whenever the two reached a cross-street, to the passers-by on the cross-street, of being at least a good two inches shorter than the taller of the little group.

Walking up East Division Street they came, in two or three minutes, to Division Street proper, which runs at right angles and a little to the left of East Division Street, but not so much to the left as Marcellus Street, or Ransome Street, for that matter. As the two continued strolling, in that fashion in which two men of their respective heights are likely to stroll, they came in succession to—

(Note to printer: Attached find copy of Thurston’s Street Guide. Print names of every street listed therein, beginning with East Division and up to, and including, Dawson.)

CHAPTER II

That these two men, presented in the last chapter, would eventually stop walking up Division Street and enter a house of some sort or description, might well be anticipated by the reader, and, in fact, such was the case.

It was, indeed, the house of the shorter of the two, of the one whom we have seen in the last chapter to have been five feet four, if, indeed, he was. It was a typical dwelling, or home, of a man of the middle-class in a medium-sized city such as the one in which these men found themselves living.

(Note to printer: Attached find insurance inventory of household effects and architect’s specifications. Reproduce in toto.)

CHAPTER III

Reaching the living-room described above, Tom Rettle, for such was the name of the shorter of the two—the one to whom the house, or home, or dwelling, belonged—was greeted by his wife, Anna, a buxom woman of perhaps thirty-four or thirty-five, certainly not more than thirty-five, if one were to judge by her fresh, wholesome color and the sparkle of her brownish-gray eyes, or even by her well-rounded form, her—

(Print attached passport description of Anna Rettle.)

“Well, hello, Anna,” said Tom, pleasantly, for Tom Rettle was, as a matter of fact, a very pleasant man unless he were angered, and his blue eyes smiled in a highly agreeable manner.

“Well, hello, Tom,” replied Anna, for it was indeed Anna who spoke, in a soft, well-modulated voice, too, giving the impression of being an extremely agreeable sort of a woman.

“Anna, I want you to meet a very good friend of mine, Arthur Berolston, a very good friend of mine,” said Tom, politely, looking, at the same time, at both Anna and Berolston.

“I’m very happy to meet Mr. Berolston,” added Anna, genially, although one could see that in her heart she wished that Tom would bring a little different type of friends home, a thing she had often spoken to him about when they were alone, as they often were.

“Dat’s very good of yer ter say, Missus Rettle,” replied Berolston, in modern slang, which made him sound even more uncouth than he looked, which was uncouth enough. “For de love o’ Mike!”

At this indication of a rough bringing-up on the part of her husband’s acquaintance, Anna Rettle winced slightly but showed no other sign of her emotions. Tom was such a kind-hearted fellow! So good! So kind-hearted! Tom was.

“What is there for supper tonight, Anna?” asked Tom, when the wincing had died down. “You know how well I like cole slaw, and have always liked it.”

“I certainly do know your fondness for cole slaw, Tom,” replied his wife, but with a note of regret in her voice, for she was thinking that she had no cole slaw for supper on the particular night of which we are speaking. “But you will remember that we had cole slaw last night with the cold tongue, and night before last with the baked beans and—”

(Run attached “Fifteen Midsummer Menus for Cole Slaw Lovers.”)

CHAPTER IV

Prepared as Tom was not to have cole slaw for supper, he could not hide his disappointment. Anna had been a good wife to him.

But somehow tonight, when he had brought Arthur Berolston home to supper, his disappointment was particularly keen, for he and Arthur had been discussing cole slaw all the way up East Division Street, across Division Street and through to the southwest corner of Dawson and Margate, where Tom lived, and each had said how much he liked it.

Should he strike Anna for failing him at this juncture? He, Tom Rettle, strike his wife, Anna Rettle? And, even if he should decide to strike her, where should he direct the blow? Tom’s mind was confused with all these questions.

(Reprint the above paragraph twenty-five times.)

CHAPTERS V-LXXXII INCLUSIVE

To printer: With the above copy you will find a brief-case containing newspaper clippings giving the complete testimony of Anna Rettle, Thomas Rettle and Arthur Berolston in the case of “Anna Rettle vs. Thomas Rettle,” tried in the Criminal Court of Testiman County, September 2-28, 1925. There is also a transcript of the testimony of three neighbors of the Rettles’ (Herman Nordquist, Ethel Nordquist and Junior Nordquist), and of Officer Louis M. Hertzog of the Fifth Precinct. Reprint all these and, at the bottom of the last page, put “THE END.”