Act 4 — SCENE IV.
Reading edition
Before Quomodo’s door.
Enter Quomodo disguised as a Beadle.
Quo. What a beloved man did I live! My servants gall their fingers with ringing,[1117] my wife’s cheeks smart with weeping, tears stand in every corner,—you may take water in my house. But am not I a wise fool now? what if my wife should take my death so to heart that she should sicken upon’t, nay, swoon, nay, die? When did I hear of a woman do so? let me see; now I remember me, I think ’twas before my time; yes, I have heard of those wives that have wept, and sobbed, and swooned; marry, I never heard but they recovered again; that’s a comfort, la, that’s a comfort; and I hope so will mine. Peace; ’tis near upon the time, I see: here comes the worshipful Livery; I 497have the hospital boys;[1118] I perceive little Thomasine will bestow cost of me.
I’ll listen to the common censure[1119] now,
How the world tongues me when my ear lies low.
Enter the Livery, &c.
First Liveryman. Who, Quomodo? merely enrich’d by shifts
And cozenages, believe it.
Quo. I see the world is very loath to praise me;
’Tis rawly friends with me: I cannot blame it,
For what I’ve[1120] done has been to vex and shame it.
Here comes my son, the hope, the landed heir,
One[1121] whose rare thrift will say, men’s tongues you lie,
I’ll keep by law what was got craftily.
Enter Sim.
Methinks I hear him say so:
He does salute the Livery with good grace
And solemn gesture. [Aside.
O my young worshipful master, you have parted from a dear father, a wise and provident father!
Sim. Art thou grown an ass now?
Quo. Such an honest father——
Sim. Prithee, beadle, leave thy lying; I am scarce able to endure thee, i’faith: what honesty didst thou e’er know by my father, speak? Rule your tongue, beadle, lest I make you prove it; and then I know what will become of you: ’tis the scurviest 498thing i’ th’ earth to belie the dead so, and he’s a beastly son and heir that will stand by and hear his father belied to his face; he will ne’er prosper, I warrant him. Troth, if I be not ashamed to go to church with him, I would I might be hanged; I hear[1122] such filthy tales go on him. O, if I had known he had been such a lewd[1123] fellow in his life, he should ne’er have kept me company!
Quo. O, O, O! [Aside.
Sim. But I am glad he’s gone, though ’twere long first: Shortyard and I will revel it, i’faith; I have made him my rent-gatherer already.
Quo. He shall be speedily disinherited, he gets not a foot, not the crown of a mole-hill: I’ll sooner make a courtier my heir, for teaching my wife tricks, than thee, my most neglectful son. O, now the corse; I shall observe yet farther. [Aside.
A coffin brought in,[1124] followed by Thomasine, Susan, Thomasine’s Mother, and other mourners.
O my most modest, virtuous, and remembering wife! she shall have all when I die, she shall have all.
[Aside.
Enter Easy.
Tho. Master Easy? ’tis: O, what shift shall I make now? [Aside.]—O!
[Falls down in a feigned swoon, while the coffin is carried out; the mourners, except Thomasine’s Mother, following it.
499Quo. Sweet wife, she swoons: I’ll let her alone, I’ll have no mercy at this time; I’ll not see her, I’ll follow the corse. [Aside, and exit.
Easy. The devil grind thy bones, thou cozening rascal!
T.’s Moth[1125] Give her a little more air; tilt up her head.—Comfort thyself, good widow; do not fall like a beast for a husband: there’s more than we can well tell where to put ’em, good soul.
Tho. O, I shall be well anon.
T.’s Moth. Fie, you have no patience, i’faith: I have buried four husbands, and never offered ’em such abuse.
Tho. Cousin,[1126] how do you?
Easy. Sorry to see you ill, coz.
Tho. The worst is past, I hope.
[Pointing after the coffin.
Easy. I hope so too.
Tho. Lend me your hand, sweet coz; I’ve[1127] troubled you.
T.’s Moth. No trouble indeed, forsooth.—Good cousin, have a care of her, comfort her up as much as you can, and all little enough, I warrant ye. [Exit.
Tho. My most sweet love!
Easy. My life is not so dear.
500Tho. I’ve[1128] always pitied you.
Easy. You’ve shewn it here,
And given the desperate hope.
Tho. Delay not now; you’ve understood my love;
I’ve[1129] a priest ready; this is the fittest season.
No eye offends us: let this kiss[1130]
Restore thee to more wealth, me to more bliss.
Easy. The angels have provided for me. [Exeunt.