Act 4 — SCENE III.
Reading edition
Quomodo’s Shop.
Tho. [within] O, my husband![1111]'
Sim. [within] My father, O, my father!
Fal. [within] My sweet master, dead!
Enter Shortyard and Boy.
Sho. Run, boy; bid ’em ring out; he’s dead, he’s gone.
Boy. Then is as arrant a knave gone as e’er was called upon. [Exit.
Sho. The happiest good that ever Shortyard felt!
I want to be express’d, my mirth is such.
To be struck now e’en when his joys were high!
Men only kiss their knaveries, and so die;
I’ve often mark’d it.
He was a famous cozener while he liv’d,
And now his son shall reap’t;[1112] I’ll ha’ the lands,
Let him study law after; ’tis no labour
To undo him for ever: but for Easy,
494Only good confidence did make him foolish,
And not the lack of sense; that was not it:
’Tis worldly craft beats down a scholar’s wit.
For this our son and heir now, he
From his conception was entail’d an ass,
And he has kept it well, twenty-five years now:
Then the slightest art will do’t; the lands lie fair:
No sin to beggar a deceiver’s heir. [Exit.
[Bell tolls.
Enter Thomasine and Winefred in haste.
Tho. Here, Winefred, here, here, here; I have always found thee secret.
Win. You shall always find me so, mistress.
Tho. Take this letter and this ring——
[Giving them.
Win. Yes, forsooth.
Tho. O, how all the parts about me shake!—inquire for one master Easy, at his old lodging i’ the Blackfriars.
Win. I will indeed, forsooth.
Tho. Tell him, the party that sent him a hundred pound t’other day to comfort his heart, has likewise sent him this letter and this ring, which has that virtue to recover him again for ever, say: name nobody, Winefred.
Win. Not so much as you, forsooth.
Tho. Good girl! thou shalt have a mourning-gown at the burial of mine honesty.
Win. And I’ll effect your will a’ my fidelity.
[Exit.
Tho. I do account myself the happiest widow that ever counterfeited weeping, in that I have the leisure now both to do that gentleman good and do myself a pleasure; but I must seem like a hanging moon, a little waterish awhile.
495Enter Rearage and Country Wench’s Father.
Rear. I entertain both thee and thy device;
’Twill put ’emboth to shame.
Fa. That is my hope, sir;
Especially that strumpet.
Rear. Save you, sweet widow!
I suffer for your heaviness.
Tho. O master Rearage, I have lost the dearest husband that ever woman did enjoy!
Rear. You must have patience yet.
Tho. O, talk not to me of patience, and[1113] you love me, good master Rearage.
Rear. Yet, if all tongues go right, he did not use you so well as a man mought.[1114]
Tho. Nay, that’s true indeed, master Rearage; he ne’er used me so well as a woman might have been used, that’s certain; in troth, ’t’as been our greatest falling out, sir; and though it be the part of a widow to shew herself a woman for her husband’s death, yet when I remember all his unkindness, I cannot weep a stroke, i’faith, master Rearage: and, therefore, wisely did a great widow in this land comfort up another; Go to, lady, quoth she, leave blubbering; thou thinkest upon thy husband’s good parts when thou sheddest tears; do but remember how often he has lain from thee, and how many naughty slippery turns he has done thee, and thou wilt ne’er weep for him, I warrant thee. You would not think how that counsel has wrought with me, master Rearage; I could not dispend another tear now, and[1115] you would give me ne’er so much.
496Rear. Why, I count you the wiser, widow; it shews you have wisdom when you can check your passion:[1116] for mine own part, I have no sense to sorrow for his death, whose life was the only rub to my affection.
Tho. Troth, and so it was to mine: but take courage now; you’re a landed gentleman, and my daughter is seven hundred pound strong to join with you.
Rear. But Lethe lies i’ th’ way.
Tho. Let him lie still: You shall tread o’er him, or I’ll fail in will.
Rear. Sweet widow! [Exeunt.