Act 4 — SCENE III.
Reading edition
A Street; before Imperia’s House; a ladder of ropes hanging from the window.
Enter Curvetto with a lantern.
Cur. Brisk as a capering tailor! I was wash’d,
But did they shave me? no, I am too wise;
Lie close i’ th’ bosom of their knaveries;
I’m[732] an old hoary courtier, and strike dead;
I hit my marks: ware, ware, a perilous[733] head!
Cast,[734]—I must find a ladder made of ropes;
Enter Blurt, Slubber, Woodcock, and the rest of the Watch.
Ladder and rope; what follow? hanging; ay;
But where? ah ha, there does the riddle lie.
I have ’scap’d drowning; but, but, but, I hope
I shall not ’scape the ladder and the rope.
Wood. Yonder’s a light, master constable.
289Blurt. Peace, Woodcock, the sconce[735] approaches.
Cur. Whew!
Blurt. Ay, whistling?—Slubber, jog the watch, and give the lantern a flap.
Cur. Whew! Simp, Simperina!
Enter Frisco above.
Fris. Who’s there?
Cur. Who’s there?
Fris. Signior Curvetto? here’s the ladder; I watch to do you a good turn: I am Frisco. Is not Blurt abroad and his bill-men?[736]
Cur. No matter if they be; I hear none nigh;
I will snug close; out goes my candle’s eye;
My sconce takes this in snuff;[737] all’s one; I care not.
Fris. Why, when?[738]
Cur. I come; close, close; hold, rope, and spare not.
[Begins to ascend the ladder.
Slub. Now the candle’s out.
Blurt. Peace!
Cur. Frisco, light, light! my foot is slipt; call help.
Fris. Help, help, help! thieves, thieves! help, thieves, &c.[739]
Blurt. Thieves? where? Follow close. Slubber, the lantern.—Hold, I charge you, in the duke’s name, stand: sirrah, you’re like to hang for this.—Down with him.
[They take Curvetto down.
Fris. Master Blurt, master constable, here’s his 290ladder: he comes to rob my mistress. I have been scared out of my wits above seven times by him, and it’s forty to one if ever they come in again. I lay felony to his charge.
Cur. Felony? you cony-catching[740] slave.
Fris. Cony-catching will bear an action. I’ll cony-catch you for this.—If I can find our key, I will aid you, Master Blurt: if not, look to him, as you will answer it upon your deathbed.
Blurt. What are you?
Cur. A Venetian gentleman.—Woodcock, how dost thou, Woodcock?[741]
Wood. Thank your worship.
Blurt. Woodcock, you are of our side[742] now, and therefore your acquaintance cannot serve. And[743] you were a gentleman of velvet, I would commit you.
Cur. Why, what are you, sir?
Blurt. What am I, sir? do not you know this staff? I am, sir, the duke’s own image: at this time the duke’s tongue (for fault of a better) lies in my mouth; I am constable, sir.
Cur. Constable, and commit me? marry, Blurt master-constable.
Blurt. Away with him! [He strives.
Omnes. It’s folly to strive.
Blurt. I say, away with him.—I’ll Blurt you; I’ll teach you to stand covered to authority: your 291hoary head shall be knocked when this staff is in place.
Cur. Ay, but, master-constable——
Blurt. No, pardon me, you abuse the duke in me, that am his cipher.—I say, away with him; Gulch, away with him; Woodcock, keep you with me. I will be known for more than Blurt.
[Exit, the rest of the Watch carrying off Curvetto.
Enter Lazarillo.
Laz. Thou honest fellow, the man in the moon, I beseech thee set fire on thy bush of thorns, to light and warm me, for I am dung-wet. I fell like Lucifer, I think, into hell, and am crawled out, but in worse pickle than my lean Pilcher.[744] Hereabout is the hothouse of my love. Ho, ho! why ho, there!
Fris. Who’s that? What devil stands hohing at my door so late?
Laz. I beseech thee, Frisco, take in Lazarillo’s ghost.
Fris. Lazarillo’s ghost? haunt me not, I charge thee; I know thee not: I am in a dream of a dry summer, therefore appear not to me.
Laz. Is not this the mansion of the cherry-lipped madonna Imperia?
Fris. Yes; how then? You fly-blown rascal, what art thou?
Laz. Lazarillo de Tormes: sweet blood, I have a poor Spanish suit[745] depending in your house; let me enter, most precious Frisco; the mistress of this mansion is my beautiful hostess.
292Fris. How, you turpentine pill, my wife your hostess? away, you Spanish vermin!
Laz. I beseech thee, most pitiful Frisco, allow my lamentation.
Fris. And[746] you lament here, I’ll stone you with brickbats: I am asleep.
Laz. My slop[747] and mandillion[748] lie at thy mercy, fine Frisco; I beseech thee, let not my case be thine: I must and will lament.
Fris. Must you? I’ll wash off your tears; away, you hog’s-face!
[Drenches him with foul water, and exit.
Laz. Thou hast soused my poor hog’s-face. O Frisco, thou art a scurvy doctor, to cast my water no better! it is most rammish urine: Mars shall not save thee; I will make a brown toast of thy heart, and drink it in a pot of thy strong blood.
Enter Blurt and all his Watch.'
Blurt. Such fellows must be taken down. Stand. What white thing is yonder?
Slub. Who goes there? come before the constable.
Laz. My dear host Blurt!
Blurt. You have Blurted fair: I am by my office to examine you, where you have spent these two nights.
Laz. Most big Blurt, I answer thy great authority, that I have been in hell, and am scratched to death with puss-cats.
293Blurt. Do you run a’ th’ score at an officer’s house, and then run above twelve score off?
Laz. I did not run, my sweet-faced Blurt: the Spanish fleet is bringing gold enough to discharge all from the Indies: lodge me, most pitiful bill-man.[749]
Blurt. Marry, and will. I am, in the duke’s name, to charge you with despicious of felony; and burglary is committed this night; and we are to reprehend any that we think to be faulty. Were not you at madonna freckle-face’s house?
Laz. Signior, si.
Blurt. Away with him, clap him up.
Laz. Most thundering Blurt, do not clap me; most thundering[750] Blurt, do not clap me.
Blurt. Master Lazarus, I know you are a sore fellow where you take, and therefore I charge you, in the duke’s name, to go without wrasling, though you be in your shirt.
Laz. Commendable Blurt——
Blurt. The end of my commendations is to commit you.
Blurt. If you be kin to Don Diego that was smelt out in Paul’s,[753] you pack; your lantedoes nor 294your lanteeroes cannot serve your turn. I charge you, let me commit you to the tuition——
Laz. Worshipful Blurt, do not commit me into the hands of dogs.
Omnes. Dogs!
Blurt. Master Lazarus, there’s not a dog shall bite you: these are true bill-men,[754] that fight under the commonwealth’s flag.
Laz. Blurt——
Blurt. Blurt me no Blurts; I’ll teach all Spaniards how to meddle with whores.
Laz. Most cunning constable, all Spaniards know that already; I have meddled with none.
Blurt. Your being in your shirt bewrays[755] you.
Laz. I beseech thee, most honest Blurt, let not my shirt bewray me.
Blurt. I say, away with him. [Music.] Music? that’s in the courtesan’s; they are about some ungodly act; but I’ll play a part in’t ere morning. Away with Lazarus.
Omnes. Come, Spaniard.
Laz. Thy kites and thee for this shall watch in dirt,
To feed on carrion.
Blurt. Hence, ptrooh!
Laz. O base Blurt!
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