FINALLY THE WORM TURNED

A muscular Irishman strolled into the Civil Service examination-room where candidates for the police force are put to a physical test.

“Strip,” ordered the police surgeon.

“What’s that?” demanded the uninitiated.

“Get your clothes off, and be quick about it,” said the doctor.

The Irishman disrobed, and permitted the doctor to measure his chest and legs and to pound his back.

“Hop over this bar,” ordered the doctor.

The man did his best, landing on his back.

“Now double up your knees and touch the floor with your hands.”

He sprawled, face downward, on the floor. He was indignant but silent.

“Jump under this cold shower,” ordered the doctor.

“Sure, that’s funny!” muttered the applicant.

“Now run around the room ten times to test your heart and wind,” directed the doctor.

The candidate rebelled. “I’ll not. I’ll sthay single.”

“Single?” asked the doctor, surprised.

“Sure,” said the Irishman, “what’s all this fussing got to do with a marriage license!”

He had strayed into the wrong bureau.

A number of mischievous boys on their way to drive the cows home from pasture one evening, passing by the low and lonely cabin occupied by a poor old woman, hearing some one talking within, peeped through the window and saw the poor old body on her knees before the wide old-fashioned chimney. She was pitifully beseeching God to send her bread. The boys thinking it would be a good joke, ran back home and got some loaves of bread. The old lady was praying still for bread when they returned, all out of breath. They climbed up on the roof quietly and threw the loaves down the chimney, scrambled down to the door and listened to the poor old soul pouring her heart out in thanksgiving to God for sending her bread from heaven. Then they opened the door, and burst in on her with:

“Why, granny! Did you think God sent you that bread? We tumbled it down the chimbley!”

And she said, “Well, boys, God did send it even if the devil did bring it.”