Condensed Literature.

The enterprising firm of Plankinton, Armour, & Co. announces that it is prepared to meet the demands of the large and constantly increasing demands of our literary public, by putting into the spring market an entirely new line of canned goods, scheduled and classified, in the prominent trade-catalogues as “Condensed Literature.” These ingenious preparations, which promise to become a boon to Western civilization, are so compounded as to serve (each in its proper place) in lieu of that particular kind or branch of literature which may be demanded. There are eleven varieties of these canned goods; to wit, 1, epic poetry; 2, lyric poetry; 3, ancient history; 4, modern history; 5, Grecian romance; 6, Latin romance; 7, German philosophy; 8, English philosophy; 9, English romance; 10, Norse mythology; 11, Chicago belles lettres. If one feels the need of information on any one of these topics, he has but to purchase and consume one of these compounds, and his desire speedily becomes allayed. For instance, when Mr. Jones experiences an appetite for, say, epic poetry, he will pay twenty-five cents for can No. 1, and, having devoured the contents, he will find that appetite temporarily satisfied. Thus, at one and the same time (as the showman says), the cravings of the stomach and the hungerings of 287the mind are satisfied. The value of this invention cannot be overestimated. In this pushing community of ours, time is money: recognizing this fact, Messrs. Plankinton & Armour have invented and patented this grand device for answering in fifteen minutes, and for twenty-five cents, each and every literary craving which years of reading and study would not satisfy. No home, we think, will be complete without a full line of these goods on its library-shelves.

In addition to the above, and in order to meet the demands of those who have more time at their disposal (such as old people, sentimental spinsters, invalids, and professional writers), this firm is now issuing superb editions of sugar-cured hams, upon the canvas covers of which are published the following works: 1, Arnold’s Light of Asia; 2, Tennyson’s In Memoriam; 3, Helen’s Babies; 4, Lives of Famous Highwaymen and Pirates; 5, Longfellow and Rice’s Evangeline; 6, The Complete Cook Book; 7, Baxter’s Saints’ Rest (religious); 8, Spalding’s Base-Ball Guide; 9, Alice in Wonderland; 10, The Complete Letter Writer; 11, Rand & McNally’s Railroad Guide; 12, Browning’s Poems (selected). In ordering, care should be taken to state the title of the ham required. Illustrated editions, containing handsome wood-cut of the author, can be had at a slight advance; tinted covers, and file for preserving same, twenty-five cents extra.

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