Act 5 — SCENE III.

A room in Sir Oliver Kix’s house.

Enter Sir Oliver Kix and Servants.

Sir Ol. Ho, my wife’s quicken’d; I'm a man for ever!

I think I have bestirr’d my stumps, i’faith.

Run, get your fellows all together instantly,

Then to the parish church and ring the bells.

First Ser. It shall be done, sir. [Exit.

Sir Ol. Upon my love

I charge you, villain, that you make a bonfire

Before the door at night.

Sec. Ser. A bonfire, sir?

92Sir Ol. A thwacking one, I charge you.

Sec. Ser. This is monstrous. [Aside, and exit.

Sir Ol. Run, tell a hundred pound out for the gentleman

That gave my wife the drink, the first thing you do.

Third Ser. A hundred pounds, sir?

Sir Ol. A bargain: as our joy^[151] grows,

We must remember still from whence it flows,

Or else we prove ungrateful multipliers:

[Exit Third Servant.

The child is coming, and the land comes after;

The news of this will make a poor sir Walter:

I've strook it home, i’faith.

Fourth Ser. That you have, marry, sir;

But will not your worship go to the funeral

Of both these lovers?

Sir Ol. Both? go both together?

Fourth Ser. Ay, sir, the gentleman’s brother will have it so;

'Twill be the pitifull’st sight! there is such running,

Such rumours, and such throngs, a pair of lovers

Had never more spectators, more men’s pities,

Or women’s wet eyes.

Sir Ol. My wife helps the number then.

Fourth Ser. There is such drawing out of handkerchers;

And those that have no handkerchers lift up aprons.

Sir Ol. Her parents may have joyful hearts at this:

I would not have my cruelty so talk’d on

To any child of mine for a monopoly.

Fourth Ser. I believe you, sir.

’Tis cast^[152] so, too, that both their coffins meet,

Which will be lamentable.

Sir Ol. Come, we’ll see’t. [Exeunt.

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