Act 3 — ACT III. SCENE I.
Reading edition
Field between the two Houses.
Enter Fat Bishop.
F. Bishop. I know my pen draws blood of the Black House,
There’s ne’er a book I write but their cause bleeds;
It hath lost many an ounce of reputation
Since I came of this side; I strike deep in,
And leave the orifex gushing where I come.
But where’s my advancement all this while I've gap’d for?
I'd have some round preferment, corpulent dignity,
That bears some breadth and compass in the gift on’t:
I am persuaded that this flesh would fill
The biggest chair ecclesiastical,
If it were put to trial.
To be made master of an hospital
Is but a kind of diseas’d bed-rid[644] honour;
Or dean of the poor alms-knights that wear badges:[645]
There’s but two lazy, beggarly preferments
352In the White Kingdom, and I've got ’em both:
My merit doth begin to be crop-sick
For want of other titles.[646]
Enter Black Knight.
B. Knight. O, here walks
His fulsome holiness: now for the master-trick
T' undo him everlastingly, that’s put home,
And make him hang in hell most seriously
That jested with a halter upon me. [Aside.
F. Bishop. The Black Knight! I must look to my play then. [Aside.
B. Knight. I bring fair greetings to your reverend virtues
From Cardinal Paulus, your most princely kinsman.
[Gives a letter.
353F. Bishop. Our princely kinsman, say’st thou? we accept ’em.
Pray, keep your side and distance; I am chary
Of my episcopal person:
I know the Knight’s walk in this game too well;
He may skip[647] over me, and where am I then?
B. Knight. There where thou shalt be shortly, if art fail not. [Aside.
F. Bishop. [reads] Right reverend and noble,—meaning me,—our true[648] kinsman in blood, but alienated in affection, your unkind disobedience to the mother cause proves at this time the only cause of your ill fortune: my present remove by general election to the papal dignity had now auspiciously settled you in my sede vacante—how! had it so?—which at my next remove by death might have proved your step to supremacy.
Ha! all my body’s blood mounts to my face
To look upon this letter.
B. Knight. The pill works with him. [Aside.
F. Bishop. [reads] Think on’t seriously; it is not yet too late, through the submiss acknowledgment of your disobedience, to be lovingly received into the brotherly bosom of the conclave.
This was the chair of ease I ever aim’d at.
I'll make a bonfire of my books immediately;
All that are left against that side I'll sacrifice;
Pack up my plate and goods, and steal away
By night at water-gate. It is but penning
Another recantation,[649] and inventing
354Two or three bitter books against the White House,
And then I'm in on th' other side again
As firm as e’er I was, as fat and flourishing.
[Aside.
Black Knight, expect a wonder ere’t be long,
Thou shalt see me one of the Black House shortly.
B. Knight. Your holiness is merry with the messenger;
Too happy to be true; you speak what should be,
If natural compunction touch’d you truly.
O, you’ve drawn blood, life-blood, yea, blood of honour,
From your most dear, your primitive mother’s heart!
Your sharp invectives have been points of spears
In her sweet tender sides! The unkind wounds
Which a son gives, a son of reverence ’specially,
They rankle ten times more than th' adversary’s:
I tell you, sir, your reverend revolt
Did give the fearfull’st blow to adoration
Our cause e’er felt; it shook the very statues,
The urns and ashes of the sainted sleepers.
F. Bishop. Forbear, or I shall melt i' th' place I stand,
And let forth[650] a fat bishop in sad sirrop:
Suffices I am yours, when they least dream on’t;
Ambition’s fodder, power and riches, draws me:
When I smell honour, that’s the lock of hay
That leads me through the world’s field every way.
[Exit.
B. Knight. Here’s a sweet paunch to propagate belief on,
Like the foundation of a chapel laid
Upon a quagmire! I may number him now
Amongst my inferior policies, and not shame ’em.
355But let me a little solace my designs
With[651] the remembrance of some brave ones past,
To cherish the futurity of project,
Whose motion must be restless till that great work,
Call’d the possession of the earth, be ours.
Was it not I procur’d a gallant fleet[652]
From the White Kingdom to secure our coasts
Against the infidel pirate, under pretext
Of more necessitous expedition?
Who made the jails fly open,[653] without miracle,
And let the locusts out, those dangerous flies,
Whose property is to burn corn with touching?
356The heretics' granaries feel it to this hour:
And now they’ve got amongst the country crops,
They stick so fast to the converted ears,
The loudest tempest that authority rouses
Will hardly shake ’em off: they have their dens
In ladies' couches—there’s[654] safe groves and fens!
Nay, were they follow’d and found out by the scent,
Palm-oil will make a pursuivant relent.
Whose policy was’t to put a silenc’d muzzle[655]
On all the barking tongue-men of the time?
Made pictures, that were dumb enough before,
Poor sufferers in that politic restraint?
My light spleen skips and shakes my ribs to think on’t.
Whilst our drifts walk uncensur’d but in thought,
A whistle or a whisper would be question’d.
In the most fortunate angle[656] of the world
The court hath held the city by the horns
Whilst I have milk’d her: I have got good sops too[657]
From country ladies for their liberties,
From some for their most vainly-hop’d preferments,
High offices in th' air. I should not live
But for this mel aerium, this mirth-manna.
357Enter Black Knight’s Pawn.
My Pawn!—How now, the news?
B. Kt.'s Pawn. Expect none very pleasing
That comes, sir, of my bringing; I'm for sad things.
B. Knight. Thy conscience is so tender-hoof’d of late,
Every nail pricks it.
B. Kt.'s Pawn. This may prick yours too,
If there be any quick flesh in a yard on’t.
B. Knight. Mine?
Mischief must find a deep nail, and a driver
Beyond the strength of any Machiavel
The politic kingdoms fatten, to reach mine.
Prithee, compunction needle-prick’d, a little
Unbind this sore wound.
B. Kt.'s Pawn. Sir, your plot’s discover’d.
B. Knight. Which of the twenty thousand and nine hundred
Four score and five? canst tell?
B. Kt.'s Pawn. Bless us, so many!
How do poor countrymen have but one plot
To keep a cow on, yet in law for that?
You cannot know ’em all, sure, by their names, sir.
B. Knight. Yes, were their numbers trebled: thou hast seen
A globe stand on the table in my closet?
B. Kt.'s Pawn. A thing, sir, full of countries and hard words?
B. Knight. True, with lines drawn, some tropical, some oblique.
B. Kt.'s Pawn. I scarce can read, I was brought up in blindness.
B. Knight. Just such a thing, if e’er my skull be open’d,
Will my brains look like.
B. Kt.'s Pawn. Like a globe of countries?
358B. Knight. Ay, and some master-politician,
The plots, and every[660] climate where they fasten’d;
'Twill puzzle ’em too.
B. Kt.'s Pawn. I'm of your mind for that, sir.
B. Knight. They’ll find ’em to fall thick upon some countries;
They had need use spectacles: but I turn to you now;
What plot is that discover’d?
B. Kt.'s Pawn. Your last brat, sir,
Begot ’twixt the Black Bishop and yourself,
Your ante-dated letters ’bout the Jesuit.
B. Knight. Discover’d! how?
B. Kt.'s Pawn. The White Knight’s policy hath outstript yours,
Join’d with th' assistant counsel of his Duke:
The White Bishop’s Pawn[661] undertook the journey,
Who, as they say, discharg’d it like a flight,[662]
Ay, made him for the business fit and light.
B. Knight. ’Tis but a bawdy Pawn out of the way;
Enough of them in all parts.[663]
Enter on one side White King, White Queen, White Knight, White Duke, White Bishop, Fat Bishop, and White King’s Pawn; on the other, Black King, Black Queen, Black Duke, and Black Bishop.
B. Bishop. You have heard all then?
359B. Knight. The wonder’s past with me; but some shall down for’t.
W. King. Set free that[664] virtuous Pawn from all her wrongs;
Let her be brought with honour to the face
Of her malicious adversaries. [Exit W. Kg.’s Pawn.
B. Knight. Good.
W. King. Noble chaste Knight, a title of that candour
The greatest prince on earth without impeachment
May have the dignity of his worth compris’d in,
This fair delivering act Virtue will register
In that[665] white book of the defence of virgins,
Where the clear fames[666] of all preserving knights
Are to eternal memory consecrated;
And we embrace, as partner of that honour,
This worthy Duke,[667] the counsel of the act,
Whom we shall ever place in our respect.
W. Duke. Most blest of kings, thron’d in all royal graces,
Every good deed sends back its own reward
Into the bosom of the enterpriser;
But you t' express yourself as well to be
King of munificence[668] as integrity,
Adds glory to the gift.
W. King. Thy desert claims it,
Zeal, and fidelity.—Appear, thou beauty
Of truth and innocency, best ornament
Of patience, thou that mak’st thy sufferings glorious!
360Re-enter White King’s Pawn with White Queen’s Pawn.
B. Knight. I'll take no knowledge on’t. [Aside.]—What makes she here?
How dares yond Pawn unpenanc’d, with a cheek
Fresh as her falsehood yet, where castigation
Hath left no pale print of her visiting anguish,
Appear in this assembly?—Let me alone:
Sin must be bold; that’s[669] all the grace ’tis born to. [Aside.
W. King. What’s this?
W. Knight. I'm wonder-strook!
W. Q. Pawn. Assist me, goodness!
I shall to prison again.
B. Knight. At least I've maz’d[670] ’em,
Scatter’d their admirations of her innocence,
As the fir’d ships[671] put in sever’d the fleet
In eighty-eight:[672] I'll on with’t; impudence
Is mischief’s patrimony. [Aside.]—Is this justice?
Is injur’d reverence no sharplier righted?
I ever held that majesty impartial
That, like most equal heaven, looks on the manners,
Not on the shapes they shroud in.
W. King.[673] This Black Knight
Will never take an answer; ’tis a victory
To make him understand he doth amiss,
When he knows in his own clear understanding
That he doth nothing else. Shew him the testimony,
Confirm’d by good men, how that foul attempter[674]
361Got but this morning to the place from whence
He dated his forg’d lines for ten days past.
B. Knight. Why, may not the corruption sleep in this
By some connivance, as you have wak’d in ours
By too rash confidence?
W. Duke. I'll undertake
That Knight shall teach the devil how to lie.
W. Knight. If sin were half so wise as impudent,[675]
She’d ne’er seek further for an advocate.
Enter Black Queen’s Pawn.
B. Q. Pawn. Now to act treachery with an angel’s tongue:
Since all’s come out, I'll bring him strangely in again.
[Aside.
Where is this injur’d chastity, this goodness
This rock of constant and invincible virtue,
That made sin’s tempest weary of his fury?
B. Queen. What, is my Pawn distracted?
B. Knight. I think rather
There is some notable masterprize of roguery
This[678] drum strikes up for.
B. Q. Pawn. Let me fall with reverence
Before this blessed altar.
B. Queen. This is madness.
B. Knight. Well, mark the end; I stand for roguery still,
I will not change my side.
362B. Q. Pawn. I shall be tax’d, I know;
I care not what the Black House thinks of me.
B. Queen. What say you now?
B. Knight. I will not be unlaid yet.
B. Q. Pawn. However[679] censure flies, I honour sanctity;
That is my object, I intend no other:
I saw this glorious and most valiant virtue
Fight the most noblest combat with the devil.
B. Knight. If both the Bishops had been there for seconds,
'Thad been a complete duel.
W. King.[680] Then thou heard’st
The violence intended?
B. Q. Pawn. ’Tis a truth
I joy to justify: I was an agent
On virtue’s part, and rais’d that confus’d noise
That startled his attempt, and gave her liberty.
W. Q. Pawn. O, ’tis a righteous story she hath told, sir!
My life and fame stand[681] mutually engag’d.
Both to the truth and goodness of this Pawn.
W. King.[682] Doth it appear to you yet clear as the sun?
B. Knight. ’Las, I believ’d it long before ’twas done!
B. King.[683] Degenerate ——
B. Queen. Base ——
B. Bishop. Perfidious ——
363B. Duke. Traitrous Pawn!
B. Q. Pawn. What, are you all beside[684] yourselves?
B. Knight. But I;
Remember that, Pawn.
B. Q. Pawn. May a fearful barrenness
Blast both my hopes and pleasures, if I brought not
Her ruin in my pity! a new trap
For her more sure confusion.
B. Knight. Have I won now?
Did I not say ’twas craft and machination?
I smelt conspiracy all the way it went,
Although the mess were cover’d; I'm so us’d to’t.
B. King.[685] That Queen would I fain finger.
B. Knight. You’re too hot, sir;
If she were took, the game would be ours quickly:
My aim’s at that White Knight; entrap him first,
The Duke will follow too.
B. Bishop. I would that Bishop
Were in my diocese! I'd soon change his whiteness.
B. Knight. Sir, I could whip you up a Pawn immediately;
I know where my game stands.
B. King. Do’t[686] suddenly;
Advantage least must not be lost in this play.
B. Knight. Pawn, thou art ours.
[Seizes W. Kg.'s Pawn.
W. Knight. He’s taken by default,
By wilful negligence. Guard the sacred persons;
Look well to the White Bishop, for that Pawn
Gave guard to the Queen and him in the third place.
B. Knight. See what sure piece you lock[687] your confidence in!
364I made this Pawn here by corruption ours,
As soon as honour by creation yours.
This whiteness upon him is but the leprosy
Of pure dissimulation: view him now,
His heart and his intents are of our colour.
[The upper garment of W. Kg’s Pawn being taken off, he appears black underneath.
W. King.[688] Most dangerous hypocrite!
W. Duke. One made against us!
W. Queen. His truth of this[689] complexion!
W. King. Hath my goodness,
Clemency, love, and favour gracious, rais’d thee
From a condition next to popular labour,
Took thee from all the dubitable hazards
Of fortune, her most unsecure adventures,
And grafted thee into a branch of honour,
And dost thou fall from the top-bough by the rottenness
Of thy alone corruption, like a fruit
That’s over-ripen’d by the beams of favour?
Let thine own weight reward thee; I've forgot thee:
Integrity of life is so dear to me,
Where I find falsehood or a crying sin,
Be it in any whom our grace shines most on,
I'd tear ’em from my heart.
W. Bishop. Spoke like heaven’s substitute!
W. King. You have him, we can spare him; and his shame
Will make the rest look better to their game.
B. King. The more cunning we must use then.
B. Knight.[690] We shall match you,
Play how you can, perhaps and mate you too.
365F. Bishop. Is there so much amazement spent on him
That’s but half black? there might be hope of that man;
But how will this House wonder if I stand forth
And shew a whole one, instantly discover
One that’s all black, where there’s no hope at all!
W. King. I'll say, thy heart then justifies thy books;
I long for that discovery.
F. Bishop. Look no further then:
Bear witness, all the House, I am the man,
And turn myself into the Black House freely;
I am of this side now.
W. King.[691] Monster ne’er match’d him!
B. King.[692] This is your noble work, Knight.
B. Knight. Now I'll halter him.
F. Bishop. Next news you hear, expect my books against you,
Printed at Douay, Brussels, or Spalato.[693]
W. King. See his goods seiz’d on!
F. Bishop. ’Las, they were all convey’d
Last night by water[694], to a tailor’s house,
A friend of[695] the Black cause.
W. King. A prepar’d hypocrite!
W. Duke. Premeditated turncoat
[Exeunt W. King, W. Queen, W. Knight, W. Duke, and W. Bishop.
F. Bishop. Yes, rail on;
I'll reach you in my writings when I'm gone.
B. Knight. Flatter him a while with honours till we put him
Upon some dangerous service, and then burn him.
366B. King. This came unlook’d for.
B. Duke. How we joy to see you!
F. Bishop. Now I'll discover all the White House to you.
B. Duke. Indeed, that will both reconcile and raise you.
[Exeunt B. King, B. Queen, B. Duke, B. Bishop, and F. Bishop.
W. Kg.'s Pawn. I rest upon you, Knight, for my advancement now.
B. Knight. O, for the staff, the strong staff that will hold,
And the red hat, fit for the guilty mazzard?[696]
Into the empty bag know thy first way:
Pawns that are lost are ever out of play.
W. Kg.'s Pawn. How’s this?
B. Knight. No replications, you know me:[697]
No doubt ere long you’ll have more company;
The bag is big enough, ’twill hold us all.
[Exeunt B. Knight, W. Kg.'s Pawn, and
B. Kt.'s Pawn.
W. Q. Pawn. I sue to thee, prithee, be one of us!
Let my love win thee: thou’st done truth this day
And yesterday my[698] honour noble service;
The best Pawn of our House could not transcend it.
B. Q. Pawn. My pity flam’d with zeal, especially
When I foresaw your marriage, then it mounted.
W. Q. Pawn. How! marriage?
B. Q. Pawn. That[699] contaminating act
367Would have spoil’d all your fortunes—a rape! bless us![700]
W. Q. Pawn. Thou talk’st of marriage!
B. Q. Pawn. Yes, yes, you do marry; I saw the man.
W. Q. Pawn. The man!
B. Q. Pawn. An absolute handsome[701] gentleman, a complete one,—
You’ll say so when you see him,—heir to three red hats,
Besides his general hopes in the Black House.
W. Q. Pawn. Why, sure thou’rt much mistaken in[702] this man;
I've promis’d single life to all my affections.
B. Q. Pawn. Promise you what you will, or I, or all on’s,
There’s a fate rules and overrules us all, methinks.
W. Q. Pawn. Why, how came you to see or know this mystery?
B. Q. Pawn. A magical glass I bought of an Egyptian,
Whose stone retains that speculative virtue,
Presented the man to me: your name brings him
As often as I use it; and methinks
I never have enough, person[703] and postures
Are all so pleasing.
W. Q. Pawn. This is wondrous strange!
The faculties of soul are still the same,
I can feel no one motion tend that way.
B. Q. Pawn. We do not always feel the[704] faith we live by,
Nor ever see our growth, yet both work upward.
368W. Q. Pawn. ’Twas well applied; but may I see him too?
B. Q. Pawn. Surely you may, without all doubt or fear,
Observing the right use as I was taught it,
Not looking back nor[705] questioning the spectre.
W. Q. Pawn. That’s no hard observation; trust it with me:
Is’t possible? I long to see this man.
B. Q. Pawn. Pray follow me then, and I'll ease you instantly. [Exeunt.
Enter a Black Jesting Pawn.
B. J. Pawn. I would so fain take one of these White Pawns now!
I'd make him do all under-drudgery,
Feed him with asses' milk crumm’d with goats' cheese,
And all the white meats could be devis’d for him;
Enter a White Pawn.
So make him my white jennet when I prance it[706]
After the Black Knight’s litter.
W. Pawn. And you’d look then
Just like the devil striding o’er a nightmare
Made of a miller’s daughter.
B. J. Pawn. A pox on you,[707]
Were you so near? I'm taken, like a blackbird
In the great snow, this White Pawn grinning o’er me.
W. Pawn. And now because I will not foul my clothes
Ever hereafter, for white quickly soils you know—
369B. J. Pawn. I prithee, get thee gone then, I shall smut thee.
W. Pawn. No, I'll put that to venture; now I've snapt[708] thee,
Thou shalt do all the dirty drudgery
That slavery was e’er put to.
B. J. Pawn. I shall cozen you:
You may chance come and find your work undone then,
For I'm too proud to labour,—I'll starve first;
I tell you that beforehand.
W. Pawn. And I'll fit you then
With a black whip, that shall not be behindhand.
B. J. Pawn. Pish, I've been us’d to whipping; I have whipt
Myself three mile out of town in a morning; and
I can fast a fortnight, and make all your meat
Stink and lie on your hand.
W. Pawn. To prevent that,
Your food shall be blackberries, and upon gaudy-days
A pickled spider, cut out like an anchovas:
I'm not to learn a monkey’s ordinary.[709]
Come, sir, will you frisk?
Enter a Second Black Pawn.
Sec. B. Pawn. Soft, soft, you! you have no
Such bargain on’t, if you look well about you.
W. Pawn. I am snapt too, a Black Pawn in the breech of me!
We three look like a bird-spit, a white chick
Between two russet woodcocks.
370B. J. Pawn. I'm so glad of this!
W. Pawn. But you shall have but small cause, for I'll firk[710] you.
Sec. B. Pawn. Then I'll firk you again.
W. Pawn. And I'll firk him again.
The worst on’t, for[713] I can firk nobody.
We draw together now for all the world
Like three flies with one straw thorough their buttocks.
[Exeunt.[714]