Part 2 / Act 2 — SCENE II.

A Street.

Enter Francisco.

Fran. A man must have a time to serve his pleasure,

374As well as his dear friend: I’m forc’d to steal from 'em,

To get this night of sport for mine own use.

What says her amiable, witty letter here?

[Reads letter.

’Twixt nine and ten,—now ’tis 'twixt six and seven;

As fit as can be; he that follows lechery

Leaves all at six and seven, and so do I, methinks:

Sun sets at eight, it’s 'bove an hour high yet;

Some fifteen mile have I before I reach her,

But I’ve an excellent horse; and a good gallop

Helps man as much as a provoking banquet.

Enter First Suitor and Officers.

First Suit. Here’s one of 'em; begin with him first, officers.

First Off. By virtue of this writ we attach your body, sir.

[Officers seize Francisco.

Fran. My body? 'life, for what?

First Suit. Hold him fast, officers.

First Off. The least of us can do’t, now his sword’s off, sir;

We have a trick of hanging upon gentlemen,

We never lose a man.

Fran. O treacherous fortune!—

Why, what’s the cause?

First Suit. The widow’s business, sir:

I hope you know me?

Fran. For a busy coxcomb,

This fifteen year, I take it.

First Suit. O, you’re mad, sir;

Simple though you make me, I stand for the widow.

Fran. She’s simply stood for then: what’s this to me, sir,

Or she, or you, or any of these flesh-hooks?

375First Suit. You’re like to find good bail before you leave us,

Or lie till the suit’s tried.

Fran. O my love’s misery!

First Suit. I’m put in trust to follow’t, and I’ll do’t

With all severity; build upon that, sir.

Enter Ricardo and Attilio.

Fran. How I could^[619] curse myself!

Ric. Look, here’s Francisco:

Will you believe me, now you see his qualities?

Att. ’Tis strange to me.

Ric. I tell you ’tis his fashion;

He never stole away in’s life from me,

But still I found him in such scurvy company.—

A pox on thee, Francisco! wilt never leave

Thy old tricks? are these lousy companions for thee?

Fran. Pish, pish, pish!

First Suit. Here they be all three now; 'prehend 'em, officers.

[Officers seize Ricardo and Attilio.

Ri. What’s this?

Fran. I gave you warning enough to make away;

I’m in for the widow’s business, so are you now.

Ric. What, all three in a noose? this is like a widow’s business indeed.

First Suit. Sh’as catch’d you, gentlemen, as you catch’d her.

The widow means now to begin with you, sir.

Ric. I thank her heartily, sh’as taught me wit; for had I been any but an ass, I should ha’ begun with her indeed. By this light, the widow’s a notable housewife! she bestirs herself. I have a 376greater mind to her now than e’er I had: I cannot go to prison for one I love better, I protest; that’s one good comfort.—

And what are you, I pray, sir, for a coxcomb?^[620]

First Suit. It seems you know me by your anger, sir.

Ric. I’ve a near guess at you, sir.

First Suit. Guess what you please, sir,

I’m he ordain’d to trounce you, and, indeed,

I am the man must carry her.

Ric. Ay, to me;

But I’ll swear she’s a beast, and^[621] she carry thee.

First Suit. Come, where’s your bail, sir? quickly, or away.

Ric. Sir, I’m held wrongfully; my bail’s taken already.

First Suit. Where is’t, sir, where?

Ric. Here they be both. Pox on you, they were taken before I’d need of 'em. And^[621] you be honest officers, let’s bail one another; for, by this hand, I do not know who will else.—

Enter Second Suitor.

'Ods light, is he come too? I’m in for midnight then; I shall never find the way out again: my debts, my debts! I’m like to die i’ th’ Hole^[622] now.

First Suit. We have him fast, old signor, and his consorts;

Now you may lay action on action on him.

Sec. Suit. That may I, sir, i’faith.

First Suit. And I’d not spare him, sir.

Sec. Suit. Know you me, officers?

377First Off. Your bounteous worship, sir.

Ric. I know the rascal so well, I dare not look upon him.

Sec. Suit. Upon my worth, deliver me that gentleman.

Fran. Which gentleman?

Sec. Suit. Not you, sir, you’re too hasty;

No, nor you neither, sir, pray, stay your time.

Ric. There’s all but I now, and I dare not think he means me.

Sec. Suit. Deliver me Ricardo.

Ric. O, sure he lies,

Or else I do not hear well.

First Off. Signor Ricardo——

Ric. Well, what’s the matter?

First Off. You may go; who lets you?^[623]

It is his worship’s pleasure, sir, to bail you.

Ric. Bail me?

Sec. Suit. Ay will I, sir. Look in my face, man;

Thou’st a good cause; thou’lt pay me when thou’rt able?

Ric. Ay, every penny, as I’m a gentleman.

Sec. Suit. No matter if thou dost not, then I’ll make thee,

And that’s as good at all times.

First Suit. But, I pray, sir,—

You go against the hair there.^[624]

Sec. Suit. Against the widow you mean, sir;

Why, ’tis my purpose truly, and 'gainst you too:

I saw your politic combination;

I was thrust out between you. Here stands one

Shall do as much for you, and he stands rightest,

His cause is strong and fair; nor shall he want

378Money, or means, or friends, but he shall have her:

I have enough, and I will have my humour.

First Suit. Hang thee! I have a purse as good as thine.

Ric. I think they’re much alike, they’re rich knaves both.—

[Aside.

Heart, and^[625] I take you railing at my patron, sir,

I’ll cramp your joints!

Sec. Suit. Let him alone, sweet honey;

I thank thee for thy love though.

Ric. This is wonderful!

Fran. O Ricardo,

’Tis seven struck in my pocket! I lose time now.

Ric. What say’st, Francisco?

Fran. I ha’ mighty business,

That I ne’er thought on; get me bail’d, I’m spoilt else.

Ric. Why, you know, ’tis such a strange miraculous courtesy,

I dare not be too forward to ask more of him,

For fear he repent this, and turn me in again.

Fran. Do somewhat, and^[625] you love me!

Ric. I’ll make trial, faith.—

May’t please you, sir,—'life, if I should spoil all now!

Sec. Suit. What say’st, Ricardo?

Ric. Only a thing by th’ way, sir;

Use your own pleasure.

Sec. Suit. That I like well from thee.

Ric. 'Twere good, and^[625] those two gentlemen were bail’d too;

They’re both my witnesses.

Sec. Suit. They’re well, they’re well:

And^[625] they were bail’d, we know not where to find 'em.

379Let 'em go to prison; they’ll be forthcoming the better:

I have enough, and I will have my humour.

Ric. I knew there was no more good to be done upon him:

’Tis well I’ve this; heaven knows I never look’d for’t.

Fran. What plaguy luck had I to be ensnar’d thus!

First Off. O, patience!

Fran. Pox o’ your comfortable ignorance!

Enter Brandino and Martino.

Bran. Martino, we ride slow.

Mar. But we ride sure, sir;

Your hasty riders often come short home, master.

Bran. Bless this fair company!

Fran. Here he’s again too;

I am both sham’d and cross’d.

Bran. Seest thou who’s yonder, Martino?

Mar. We ride slow, I’ll be sworn now, master.

Bran. How now, Francisco, art thou got before me?

Fran. Yes, thank my fortune, I am got before you.

Bran. What, no, in hold?

Ric. Ay, o’ my troth, poor gentleman!

Your worship, sir, may do a good deed to bail him.

Bran. Why do not you do’t then?

Mar. La, you, sir, now, my master has that honesty,

He’s loath to take a good deed from you, sir.

Ric. I’ll tell you why, I cannot, else I would, sir.

Fran. Luck, I beseech thee!

If he should be wrought to bail me now, to go to

His wife, 'twere happiness beyond expression. [Aside.

380Bran. A matter but of controversy?

Ric. That’s all, trust me, sir.

Bran. Francisco shall ne’er lie for’t; he’s my friend,

And I will bail him.

Mar. He’s your secret friend, master;

Think upon that.

Bran. Give him his liberty, officers;

Upon my peril, he shall be forthcoming.

Fran. How I am bound to you!

First Suit. Know you whom you cross, sir?

’Tis at your sister’s suit; be well advis’d, sir.

Bran. How, at my sister’s suit? take him again then.

Fran. Why, sir, do you refuse me?

Bran. I’ll not hear thee.

Ric. This is unkindly done, sir.

First Suit. ’Tis wisely done, sir.

Sec. Suit. Well shot, foul malice!

First Suit. Flattery stinks worse, sir.

Ric. You’ll ne’er leave till I make you stink as bad, sir.

Fran. O Martino, have I this for my late kindness?

Mar. Alas, poor gentleman, dost complain to me?

Thou shalt not fare the worse for’t.—Hark you, master,

Your sister’s suit, said you?

Bran. Ay, sir, my wife’s sister.

Mar. And shall that daunt you, master? think again:

Why, were’t your mother’s suit,—your mother’s suit,

Mark what I say,—the dearest suit of all suits,

You’re bound in conscience, sir, to bail this gentleman.

381Bran. Yea, am I so? how prov’st thou that, Martino?

Mar. Have you forgot so soon what he did lately?

Has he not tried your wife to your hand, master,

To cut the throat of slander and suspicion?

And can you do too much for such a man?

Shall it be said, I serve an ingrateful master?

Bran. Never, Martino; I will bail him now,

And^[626] 'twere at my wife’s suit.

Fran. ’Tis like to be so. [Aside.

Mar. And I his friend, to follow your example, master.

Fran. Precious Martino!

First Suit. You’ve done wondrous well, sir;

Your sister shall give you thanks.

Ric. This makes him mad, sir.

Sec. Suit. We’ll follow’t now to th’ proof.

First Suit. Follow your humour out;

The widow shall find friends.

Sec. Suit. And so shall he, sir,

Money and means.

Ric. Hear you me that, old huddle!

Sec. Suit. Mind him not; follow me, and I’ll supply thee;

[Exeunt First Suitor and Officers.

Thou shalt give all thy lawyers double fees:

I’ve buried money enough to bury me,

And I will have my humour.

[Exit with Ricardo and Attilio.

Bran. Fare thee well once again, my dear Francisco;

I prithee, use my house.

Fran. It is my purpose, sir.

382Bran. Nay, you must do’t then; though I’m old, I’m free.

[Exit.

Mar. And when you want a warrant, come to me.

[Exit.

Fran. That will be shortly now, within this few hours.

This fell out strangely happy. Now to horse;

I shall be nighted: but an hour or two

Never breaks square in love; he comes in time

That comes at all; absence is all love’s crime.

[Exit.